AIBU to think it's unhealthy to stop all hobbies and socialising during GCSEs

[Sleeptightdisgustingblob]

DD has GCSEs this year, she does dance two evenings a week and has a great group of friends there. Some of them have now said they won't be back at dance till after their GCSEs as they have to stop all their clubs and that they aren't allowed out at all socially either now.

I'm just struggling to understand this approach. I guess maybe it works for some children and I have told DD she just needs to support her friends and respect their parents decision. These are studious sensible girls though, they've worked throughout the two years.

I always kept hobbies, socialising and exercise going all the way through revision leave and exams. Surely it's better for our brains and our mental health not to work 24/7?

My only rule with DD is that we agree a time table for revising and she does her best to stick to it.

I saw friends breaking with stress and exhaustion because they had set punishing schedules , one really bright friend just melted on exam day after endless long days. Maybe that's shading my views a bit

Neither of mine dropped out of real life for exams.
Hobbies were their down time, and of course they socialised. May be had earlier night during exams but that was it.

DD dances for social, physical and mental health. Started when she was 2. Still dancing at uni and about to hand in her final dissertation. In fact, last term was probably her busiest ever as she was on the competition team so lots of extra lasses, rehearsals and travelling to competitions all over the country.

DCs school - selective indy - always said that the busiest kids, with lots of hobbies, sports etc, did the best academically.

Mine do Saturday music school and church on Sunday. We ask them not to study on a Sunday if possible to have a true break. They have all got top exam grades for pretty much every subject. Music practice, going to the gym, walks with friends are all helpful.

OP I used to do no work throughout and then start the 12-14 hour days from around Easter onwards and I also got a 1st in my degree. Plus all first time passes for my accounting qualification (which is much harder).

A lot of people crumbled but it was nothing to do with their too much revision. More to do with anxiety or lack or working/ability. I was completely relaxed going to all my exams - knew I had done everything I could.

Cramming works for some and not others. There's no right or wrong. I wouldn't remember stuff I did months before. However, I could remember everything I did from cramming. Almost word for word sometimes.

Where I am with you is I don't think it's necessary for GCSEs. You don't need to do all day shifts and at that age it's probably not healthy. It might make the difference between a grade 7 & an 8 but tbh people don't look at GCSEs much down the line.

Saying that teens do so many subjects I'm not surprised hobbies have to get dropped just to fit in some revision for them all.

I don't think your DD continuing dance is an issue. However, you do need to drop this 'cramming isn't effective' stance because you are wrong on that one.

I don’t agree with it but every family thinks different. DD does a sport to a high level which she loves. Because she loves it she knows that she needs to plan her schoolwork/ studies and is very good at sticking to it. Teens can’t study every waking moment and my teen gets so much from her sport and helps reduce stress, so stopping it would be counter productive. She might reduce her sessions by a few a week when the actual GCSE’s are on.

I went to a gig in London the night before one of my GCSEs! I also went away for a weekend with my friends in the middle of my A-levels to go to my boyfriend's 21st birthday party. I had a Saturday job throughout all my exams too.

The idea of no socialising or leisure activities is absolutely not healthy at all. No wonder teenagers get miserable and burnt out.

Lots do it, much better that they have done downtime.

This is really very smug and boasty.

FWIW I did the complete opposite and got the same - I crammed very last minute, yes I was probably doing 12-15 hour days at the end. But I was having a lot of fun till those last few weeks, definitely wasn’t doing anything like 6 hours a day, how boring that would have been 😆

But gcses will go on until the end of June. Its not just for a week or two.

I would argue that doing nothing but work for 2 months straight IS unhealthy.

Most people wouldn't think this was a sensible approach for an adult to take - we all know about mental health, the importance of taking breaks and not just working solidly. That getting out into nature / physical activity is proven to reduce stress and improve mental health.

This is what we should be teaching our kids. Because its not 'just for gcses', this is setting a pattern For A levels, university and the rest of their lives.

There can be middle ground- it doesn't have to be doss about and fail OR work 24:7

My Exh made our son give up his sport (1 session per week) during GCSEs and he's never gone back to it. It really helped manage his ADHD. His mental health is in the toilet now. Anecdotal i know, but 🤷‍♀️

@Sleeptightdisgustingblob I honestly think it’s up to the child. They get to choose what they can manage. Most bright children will choose what works for best for them during their exam season. What’s best for them is then the healthy choice.

Every child is different. Some need lots of time to revise without the pressure of squeezing it in around their current schedule. Others can fit it in around their current school / activity schedule. As parents we’re just here to support them through it and respect their choices. There’s not a one-size-fits-all healthy approach.

Exercise is so good for your brain and wellbeing is important for memory and retention. YANBU. My stepdaughter is doing her GCSEs and maybe it's because she's had good mocks and is predicted to do well but I don't feel any inclination to nag her about revision at all. You have to trust your kids.

Dd1 went into full on focus mode during exams her room looked like one of those crime scene films with lots of notes stuck on the walls etc. The odd walk and catch up with pals was quite enough down time without insisting she carried on her sport too. I was the same.

Unless they are obviously struggling reckon you should leave them to it. Revision and what works for each person is very different. Lecturing about your own super star qualities and your method being superior to Bretons else’s I would suggest is pretty unhelpful!

Different strategies work for different people. Dance classes that are self contained (not working towards a performance or seriously towards an exam) might be a good exercise/ relaxing activity to continue during GCSEs.

A dance teacher working with a group of Y11-13s might offer something more relaxed than usual curriculum for these weeks.

What I'd be wary of from now till after the exams are over are activities that pose a risk of injury that might affect somebody's ability to sit the exams - Duke of Edinburgh expeditions / horse riding etc where you could realistically fall and break a bone. Yes there are ways to enable somebody to sit exams with injuries but better to avoid avoidable injuries from adventurous type activities for a couple of months.

Also better to avoid activities that involve learning new things - brains deep in revision won't have capacity to take in new stuff and that would include, taking the dance analogy, not starting ballet pointe work for the first time or moving to start pointe in the centre for the first time.

I think you have a much healthier attitude OP, but you're responsible for your own child and your DDs friends parents are responsible for them. So let it go.

I’m a bit out of the game now but the advice I used to give yr11s was to divide the day in 3, am, pm and evening. Revise for two of those and take the third block of time off. Go swimming or dancing, see friends…Doesn’t matter which of the 3 blocks you socialise or relax in.
Also do 20 minutes the get up and play with the cat for 5 minutes then back to work kind of thing.
Good luck!

I think it’s up to them. I’m studying for exams right now (university) and quite frankly I don’t want to go to clubs and feel I’m missing revision. I’m focused and have a plan. I will go for a walk for exercise or use the bike at home. My brain wants to get in ‘the zone’ until afterwards. I’m doing very little socially either. This short period is about study and exams not about normal life.

Mine starts year 10 in September. I truly hope when it comes to year 11 and exam season he doesn’t drop anything he enjoys and I certainly won’t be encouraging it! When my sister and I did ours my mother never encouraged ‘revision’ in the way that it’s encouraged nowadays, she never stopped any of our usual activities, holidays etc and it worked perfectly fine for us. Neither of us had any pressure at all and thankfully both did very well in both GCSE’s and A-Levels and I hope my son is the same.

Voted YANBU.

On reflection I took revision for GCSEs and A levels way too seriously. I pretty much stopped socialising/hobbies outside of school and can remember my mother coming upstairs and insisting on me taking breaks. In fact she’d also ring me when she was at work, knowing the time I spent talking on the phone was likely my first proper break from revising. I’d feel guilty about time I wasn’t revising: that’s how seriously I took it 😩.

I spent more hours a day revising than I would have spent doing anything that constituted “work” at school and college. I ended up passing exams with flying colours but on reflection would have likely achieved that having spent a fraction of the time revising.

Each to their own. Perhaps the child wants to stop?

jeso, not socialising at is not healthy at all very stressful time for young people. My 16 year old son goes out with friends after their exams to decompress and get ready for the next one.

our school actively tells parents don’t stop all clubs as it can’t be study/exams all the time.

We let our child carry on with their sport which was 3 nights a week. They found it helped them sleep well to have that physical activity after all the mental activity and it gave them a sense of gcses are important but life goes on. They socialised on Fridays.

They did lots of structured revision but we all felt you cant revise effevtively from 8am to 9pm every day.

I can see this from all sides.

As a 90s16 year old who worked every Saturday, and whose hobbies were clubbing every Saturday night and mooning over unsuitable men all week. Limited revision. Aced the exams. Repeat for A level. But I was lucky. I just remembered stuff. And I can still remember it 30 years later.

As a teacher, who's hoping to god her yr 11s are revising more than her son.

As a parent of a gcse child, torn between wanting to micro manage him or let him reap what he sows, seeing as he knows it all (apart from the two subjects which he 'doesn't need' and is 'shit at anyway").

Didn't cross my mind to stop ds' hobbies, although I may well end up taking his games controllers to work with me.

I’d agree with this I think. DD rides horses to a high level. She got top GCSE results and went away to A level college with horse in tow to combine studying and training/competing. She successfully looked after said horse daily, rode daily, trained multiple times a week and competed nationally whilst attaining great A level results. It’s a mindset, and takes personal accountability…if everything is left until the last minute then maybe time will be short and activities need to be curtailed, but for those who are high achievers, it is a way of life to manage and prioritise their time effectively throughout and this is often in multiple directions. As with most things, no one size fits all so some need to hunker down and study exclusively whilst others will have done the miles over months and years and can keep their timetables more varied.

Oh I am not planning to say or do anything. I was just surprised by it!

Well... higher grade dance exams earn UCAS points, and many dance schools schedule their exams for end June / July, so for advanced dancers, slackening off now isn't an especially good idea. The ones who are going on to full-time dance training will have done all their auditions (which usually and rather unhelpfully clash with school mock exams in November), and will actually be ramping up their training now rather than easing back.

I guess the same could be said for those who participate and compete in sports, swimming, gymastics etc. At the elite level, you simply cannot reduce your training and lose fitness.

I agree that for recreational dance and sport there could easily be some room for adjustment in their training.

They do earn UCAS points as do high grade music exams but a lot of universities don't count them and just want points from three A levels.