AIBU to think it's unhealthy to stop all hobbies and socialising during GCSEs

[Sleeptightdisgustingblob]

DD has GCSEs this year, she does dance two evenings a week and has a great group of friends there. Some of them have now said they won't be back at dance till after their GCSEs as they have to stop all their clubs and that they aren't allowed out at all socially either now.

I'm just struggling to understand this approach. I guess maybe it works for some children and I have told DD she just needs to support her friends and respect their parents decision. These are studious sensible girls though, they've worked throughout the two years.

I always kept hobbies, socialising and exercise going all the way through revision leave and exams. Surely it's better for our brains and our mental health not to work 24/7?

My only rule with DD is that we agree a time table for revising and she does her best to stick to it.

I saw friends breaking with stress and exhaustion because they had set punishing schedules , one really bright friend just melted on exam day after endless long days. Maybe that's shading my views a bit

Agree. I definitely belong in the high achiever box and I kept hobbies going throughout exams at school and university and for my post graduate degree too.

I did 6 hours a day tops at university and got a first. (Back in the day when firsts were rare).

It's about quality not quantity and being strategic

I had housemates at law school who did 12/15 hour days but they seemed to spend a lot of that time doing really ineffective revision. And they were shattered by exam time not fresh.

I knew I had completed all the revision and practice I needed to do by the Friday before a Tuesday exam so I went away for a lovely relaxing weekend. Still got a first.

Some would likely rather spend their now more limited spare time decompressing with their actual friends than doing numerous worthy activities that they may have been a little indifferent about in the first place.

Thinking about it both mine dropped their main activity 11-16) and didn’t return to it - 6th form was more busy with study / socialising / part time job and learning to drive. The extra curriculars fell away. Dd1 gone back to her teen sport now shes at university.

I agree with you - dance class is a good brain break, and brain breaks are known to help you stay healthy mentally.

God I hope you’re not parroting that perfect Peter story to your poor kid. Can see the teenage eye rolling from here!

Ok this is not a story that reflects well on you.

You now seem rather judgemental.

I agree hobbies are healthy but not everyone finds things as easy as you. A large chunk of luck involved in your story.

‘joyless’ is similarly judgy.

Who knows what the teens think and feel about a specific club, why they aren’t attending or what they’re doing instead.

I mean yes I guess that's a fair point. But these girls normally hang out all the time outside dance too. They are each others "actual friends"

Where's the luck? I went through multiple traumatic bereavements during that time and have a life long serious health condition.

You can call it luck if you like. But having seen who did best in exams it was rarely the people burning out doing 12 hour days.

What's perfect Peter about it? baffling. Because I didn't spend 12 hours a day in my bedroom with notes in front of me? Because I learnt that quality is better than quantity when it comes to revision?

My DS is doing GCSEs this year. He normally does loads of sport and music, has a busy social life and a part time job in a pub. He's stopped all of the above from this week until the end of the exams. This is entirely his choice, because he wants to be able to spend his time off from revision just relaxing, watching TV etc. My DD on the other hand carried on playing netball throughout. Everyone Is different.

Do you believe everyone is born with identical academic potential, that every brain works identically?

You didn't study medicine, biology or psychology then!

A person is lucky if their brain can retain info easily, obviously. Lots of people find it doesn't stick as easily.

Anyway, best of luck to your DD with her exams.

You just sound smug. Your approach worked for you - great. You made and still make judgments about your friends’ approach and attribute reasons for their relative failures.

You are encouraging your DC to do it like you did - your prerogative as a parent and it may work well for her too.

GCSEs ‘back in the day’ were different, too. Much less rote memorising. Fewer exams.

I was a bit like you, friends were not. we almost all did fine and those that didn’t was probably not due to inferior study/life balance and organisation skills.

You say you're not judging, OP, but you described this as "unhealthy" in your title which sounds fairly judgy to me.

I don’t know. I’d probably say to DS he can avoid cadets for GCSEs, it’s only a month, and if that’s what he’d prefer to do I’d support him. His choice though, some people might like the distraction, others might feel overwhelmed. I know he’ll want to game so I’d rather he dropped cadets to balance time for revision so he could get the down time he was after still. It’ll depend what they’re doing in cadets at the time!

5 or 6 hours a day including school during the week, or on top of if?

Fitting in time to revise after school when they’ve got clubs is a challenge, depending on the time of day of the club. One of mine was happy to go to eg explorers, because it didn’t start till later and he knew he wouldn’t take in much more later in the evening. Didn’t work for the other, it messed with his best revision time.

They really are all different. And some kids will use the clubs and socialising as any excuse to get out of revision and then get stressed at the last minute that they’re not doing enough. Fine if you’re able to sensibly balance everything- but maybe the parents know these kids won’t get enough done if they keep lots of socialising and clubs going, and they just need the focus for a few weeks.

Pausing clubs for a few weeks before and during exams doesn’t mean you’re giving up on them long term.

Well my DS has stopped going to army cadets so he can focus on his GCSEs. He’s set to get straight 9s, he’s highly intelligent but also you don’t get 9s without hard work. He wants to succeed in life so he’s putting all of his effort in. I admire him for it and encourage it. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. He still plays video games when he’s finished revising. He’ll be back at cadets in the summer when the exams are over.

My ds is revising a lot!!

He has decided to reduce his activities a bit. Going to the gym 3 times a week instead of 5.

He also has decided against playing in a football match the day before English lit. His view is he'll be tired afterwards and he'll lose pretty much the whole day. So he'll go to the gym that day instead for an hour or so and can then crack on.

Everyone is different. My ds will feel stressed if he doesn't do anything the day before. Even if it's just reading over what he knows already.

its not been all year has it? Exams have now started and the pressure to get good marks is huge so yes every Yr11 I know has paused extra curricular from this week.

My daughter had a sleepover at the weekend.
I wouldn’t stop hobbies and clubs. I do believe there needs to be a balance. If a child is too tired one week or has an exam the following day and wants an early night then I can understand the logic. But I don’t think it’s healthy to put a blanket ban on socialising for weeks on end.

You say 5-6 hours a day is ample. That’s the school day and they are still doing content in some subjects. By that logic no evening revision would take place at all ?!?

I meant on a non school day, clearly

Not allowed by who? It's a bit weird if it's a top down approach but perfectly fine if your DD thinks she can't handle it. But light exercise/walks/eating well are important. I dropped everything when I did mine. Didn't have the headspace.

Yet your original post was about school days. Wiping out two weekday evenings with hobbies a couple of weeks before exams start will be ok for some kids but not for most, I suspect.

Our kids clubs have said they understand if some kids are taking a break and they’re welcome to come if they’d like but no pressure, they can start back up whenever they like.

My DD would have stopped if she did any activities, i’d have left it for her to decide.

Honestly op I would keep these thoughts in your own head! You going around banging on about your getting a first and having relaxing weekend before it believe me will not go down well with those around you! Especially not a stressed pre exam teen!

My sister got a first back when hardly anyone did - she never mentions it especially not at times like this.