DM in 70s, reasonable health for her age.
Widowed. She didn’t inherit anything from DF or her DM or DF. She got a few thousand from an aunt and her DSIS. She gave me some of this (as I wasn’t named in will) which I used to pay off student debts.
I’m an only child.
I have 3 DC.
Eldest with ex who has no contact.
2 younger with current DP.
2 elder DC are adults & rent where they live.
DC3 has disabilities and may never be able to hold down a full time permanent job & may end up on means tested benefits as an adult.
I, myself am disabled and live on means tested & disability benefits.
I own a house I bought when working & have a £115k mortgage with another 23 years to go paying £640pcm.
It has c £200k equity. My plan was/is to take out equity or downsize as & when DC want deposits to buy their own homes. (Estimating £50k each).
DM has no will so if she dies intestate I inherit her home with equity of c £80k. I would put this into my mortgage not only because that makes financial sense but because otherwise I’d be over the capital limits for the means tested elements of what I receive.
DM has now said she has written a will, giving half to me and splitting the other half between not only my 3DC but also current DP.
IMO this is highly problematic for 2 main reasons.
DC1 cannot inherit from DP as he isn’t his DF.
So DC 2 & 3 could inherit more than DC1 which I don’t think is fair. DC 2 & 3 could also potentially inherit from others on DP’s family side which creates even more inequality.
Secondly if DC3 becomes an adult & is on means tested benefits at the time of inheriting they would lose their benefit income & be forced to use their inheritance for basic living costs. This feels like a huge waste.
DM then suggested that DP hold money ‘in trust’ (ie not a formal /legal trust) for DC3. That she suggested DP instead of me felt insulting as I am good with money & DP is worse than useless. (One of the reasons the house is solely mine & not joint).
If DM wants DC to inherit directly rather than through me it’s her choice even though to me it makes no financial sense as with a lower mortgage I’m more able to help DC with ongoing expenses & their own house deposits.
She said she doesn’t want them “beholden” to me.
But to take from me & DC1 & give to DP I find upsetting. Background is relationship with DP is fractious at best. History of financial & emotional abuse. I can’t imagine it lasting long term.
This is unknown to DM. She’s not the kind of mother I could talk to about anything emotional/sensitive.
It’s so important to me to provide for my DC because despite my DPs having high income/ high assets when I was a young adult they gave me no help. I inherited nothing from DF.
Is this fair?