Is my Mother’s will fair?

[erfanclub]

DM in 70s, reasonable health for her age.
Widowed. She didn’t inherit anything from DF or her DM or DF. She got a few thousand from an aunt and her DSIS. She gave me some of this (as I wasn’t named in will) which I used to pay off student debts.

I’m an only child.
I have 3 DC.
Eldest with ex who has no contact.
2 younger with current DP.
2 elder DC are adults & rent where they live.
DC3 has disabilities and may never be able to hold down a full time permanent job & may end up on means tested benefits as an adult.

I, myself am disabled and live on means tested & disability benefits.

I own a house I bought when working & have a £115k mortgage with another 23 years to go paying £640pcm.
It has c £200k equity. My plan was/is to take out equity or downsize as & when DC want deposits to buy their own homes. (Estimating £50k each).

DM has no will so if she dies intestate I inherit her home with equity of c £80k. I would put this into my mortgage not only because that makes financial sense but because otherwise I’d be over the capital limits for the means tested elements of what I receive.

DM has now said she has written a will, giving half to me and splitting the other half between not only my 3DC but also current DP.

IMO this is highly problematic for 2 main reasons.
DC1 cannot inherit from DP as he isn’t his DF.
So DC 2 & 3 could inherit more than DC1 which I don’t think is fair. DC 2 & 3 could also potentially inherit from others on DP’s family side which creates even more inequality.

Secondly if DC3 becomes an adult & is on means tested benefits at the time of inheriting they would lose their benefit income & be forced to use their inheritance for basic living costs. This feels like a huge waste.
DM then suggested that DP hold money ‘in trust’ (ie not a formal /legal trust) for DC3. That she suggested DP instead of me felt insulting as I am good with money & DP is worse than useless. (One of the reasons the house is solely mine & not joint).

If DM wants DC to inherit directly rather than through me it’s her choice even though to me it makes no financial sense as with a lower mortgage I’m more able to help DC with ongoing expenses & their own house deposits.

She said she doesn’t want them “beholden” to me.

But to take from me & DC1 & give to DP I find upsetting. Background is relationship with DP is fractious at best. History of financial & emotional abuse. I can’t imagine it lasting long term.
This is unknown to DM. She’s not the kind of mother I could talk to about anything emotional/sensitive.

It’s so important to me to provide for my DC because despite my DPs having high income/ high assets when I was a young adult they gave me no help. I inherited nothing from DF.

Is this fair?

I hope your mother lives till she's 115.

I think it’s your mums will. It should be just that.

It's her money, but I can see your point of view regarding your DP.

I think you need to have a conversation with her, however difficult that might be, to the effect that you have reservations about DP and he may not be around for the long term.

You have assets and inheritance coming your way but live off tax that working people pay. I hope your mother lives forever.

Essential what you will be told here is that it's your mum's money and she can do with it as she likes. Which is true. You can feel angry but it's up to her. If she's in good health she may live for many years or she may need care which will use up her assets. Then any wishes she may have come to nothing. Your DP sounds unpleasant so perhaps that's something to think about.

Yes it’s fair. It’s her money, not yours. She isn’t “taking” anything from you at all.

She doesn't want them forced to spend her gift to them at a time and for a purpose of your choosing.

What you're saying makes sense until one considers that your children will be adults who may have ideas of their own. They may want to travel or pursue further study. Have a big wedding. Have fertility treatment. Anything.

If she doesn't know about your marriage there's nothing wrong with her wanting to treat her SIL as family. If he's that bad with money the two younger children are unlikely to inherit more.

I can understand why you're annoyed but I get the sense you're annoyed about a lot of things that would be harder to justify than the issues mentioned.

Does your mother think you're controlling?

Your mother can leave what she wants to who she wants...but the only thing I would be wary of is her leaving it to DP..in the event you ever split up (not saying you will) does that mean he leaves the relationship with his share of your mother's money? Does he give it back if the relationship ends?...that would be the part I'd be more concerned about

I think it’s very unusual for a parent to write a will for their children’s partners to inherit, when that child is still alive and when there are grandchildren present. So if there’s financial abuse, I’d tell your mum sooner rather than later. Or work out how to get out of the relationship.

I would be worried about DC 2 and 3 inheriting from your partner because you never what will happen and two you’ve said he’s terrible with money. I also wouldn’t worry about inequality amongst your children. They know they have different fathers and so what they inherit is different. Also DC3 is disabled and will need lifelong care so there’s no creating equality there when they have two able bodied siblings that can live independently.

But in short, your mum can do what she wants with her money. She can leave it all to the cats home if she chose to.

It doesn't matter whether it's "fair" it's her choice. That's it. I'll say it yet again - folks, never discuss your Will with anyone, except your solicitor. And if you have grasping relatives, as in this thread, leave all your money to the donkey sanctuary.
OP, back off- this is none of your business.

I think it is fair to leave to her DGC and money can be left in trust for DC3 so as not to effect benefits. I think it is bizarre to leave anything to your partner.

Whatever she chooses is fair, because it’s her money to do with as she wishes.

Clearly there’s issues with your DP in itself but one point I was drawn to was that DC1 can’t inherit from him. This isn’t true, DP can easily leave everything between all 3 children. Is he cruel towards the eldest, or would he at least be willing to see them go without? If so then I understand your thought process, but there really is nothing logistically or legally leaving it to your eldest also.

FWIW I feel that if you receive a substantial inheritance then you should receive less by the way of benefits. The government only has enough money to pay for the neediest in society, if you’re lucky enough to get a windfall then this should be taken into account. So it is right that your child would get less if he got a large sum of money. However, if you are really against this, then you would need a proper discretionary trust setting up

Aside from your concerns about DC3 which are valid, all the rest of your post is money grabbing grimness. She's in good health and you're already earmarking her equity to go towards your mortgage? Jesus wept the poor woman.

Also, having DC with different fathers will always mean they might inherit differently from different sides of the family, you can't control this and even it up. It is what it is.

If you inherit and immediately pay it into your mortgage then DWP can still take this into account for your means tested benefits, as it is seen as intentional deprivation.

Otherwise we’d all be bunging money into property in order to be able to claim.

Background is relationship with DP is fractious at best. History of financial & emotional abuse. I can’t imagine it lasting long term.

Then split up. She's not going to put him in her will if he's an ex is she.

I’d tell her that you might not stay with DP long term so not good idea to leave him money. I’m not sure what you can do about the rest of it

Nailed it

Whether you think it’s fair or not is immaterial

if she has mental capacity - it is hers and hers alone to decides who she leaves money to - be that you - your kids, your partner or the local donkey sanctuary.

It her will. Hers to choose. Whether you agree or not is utterly irrelevant.

£80k split between 5 people isn't sizeable enough to start thinking about inequality.

It's her money and her choice, but your concerns about your relationship is information she doesn't have which would likely make her choose differently.

I think I would share your feelings on that front so she can make a more informed decision about what she wants to do and leave the rest up to her.

I would actually suggest that she should leave money to those who won't have their life funded by means tested benefits (pointless to gift something that will be clawed back by removal of benefits). So split between DC 1 & 2 to allow them to get on the property ladder.

I would put this into my mortgage not only because that makes financial sense but because otherwise I’d be over the capital limits for the means tested elements of what I receive.

Are you sure you can do this OP? As soon as it hits your bank account, your eligibility would have to be reassessed and then they would want to know where it went.

I’m not familiar with the welfare system but shocked at this bit -

if DC3 becomes an adult & is on means tested benefits at the time of inheriting they would lose their benefit income & be forced to use their inheritance for basic living costs. This feels like a huge waste

As others have said, I hope your mother lives many, many more years. Just wow.

Your children having different possible inheritances is just life when they have different fathers.

But your mother saying she is leaving it to your partner instead of you or your dc is batshit.

Leave him.