Is my Mother’s will fair?

[erfanclub]

DM in 70s, reasonable health for her age.
Widowed. She didn’t inherit anything from DF or her DM or DF. She got a few thousand from an aunt and her DSIS. She gave me some of this (as I wasn’t named in will) which I used to pay off student debts.

I’m an only child.
I have 3 DC.
Eldest with ex who has no contact.
2 younger with current DP.
2 elder DC are adults & rent where they live.
DC3 has disabilities and may never be able to hold down a full time permanent job & may end up on means tested benefits as an adult.

I, myself am disabled and live on means tested & disability benefits.

I own a house I bought when working & have a £115k mortgage with another 23 years to go paying £640pcm.
It has c £200k equity. My plan was/is to take out equity or downsize as & when DC want deposits to buy their own homes. (Estimating £50k each).

DM has no will so if she dies intestate I inherit her home with equity of c £80k. I would put this into my mortgage not only because that makes financial sense but because otherwise I’d be over the capital limits for the means tested elements of what I receive.

DM has now said she has written a will, giving half to me and splitting the other half between not only my 3DC but also current DP.

IMO this is highly problematic for 2 main reasons.
DC1 cannot inherit from DP as he isn’t his DF.
So DC 2 & 3 could inherit more than DC1 which I don’t think is fair. DC 2 & 3 could also potentially inherit from others on DP’s family side which creates even more inequality.

Secondly if DC3 becomes an adult & is on means tested benefits at the time of inheriting they would lose their benefit income & be forced to use their inheritance for basic living costs. This feels like a huge waste.
DM then suggested that DP hold money ‘in trust’ (ie not a formal /legal trust) for DC3. That she suggested DP instead of me felt insulting as I am good with money & DP is worse than useless. (One of the reasons the house is solely mine & not joint).

If DM wants DC to inherit directly rather than through me it’s her choice even though to me it makes no financial sense as with a lower mortgage I’m more able to help DC with ongoing expenses & their own house deposits.

She said she doesn’t want them “beholden” to me.

But to take from me & DC1 & give to DP I find upsetting. Background is relationship with DP is fractious at best. History of financial & emotional abuse. I can’t imagine it lasting long term.
This is unknown to DM. She’s not the kind of mother I could talk to about anything emotional/sensitive.

It’s so important to me to provide for my DC because despite my DPs having high income/ high assets when I was a young adult they gave me no help. I inherited nothing from DF.

Is this fair?

@erfanclub if your DM wants to leave 50% to you and split the remaining 50% with your DC then I think that’s fair. I don’t think it’s fair to include your DP as a separate split. Your money should be treated as one pot as you live together and have kids together, so you and DP are already catered for in the 50% she leaves you.

What isn’t fair though, is that you believe DC3 share would be wasted on basic living costs as his benefits will stop. I’m assuming you think his share should go to you instead - to pay towards your mortgage - and the tax payer can then continue to pay the basic living costs for DC3? Why should we have money deducted from our wages to be spent either on your mortgage or your DC3? He should have his share and pay for his basic living costs for as long as he can afford to. Doing it your way is abusing the welfare system.

It’s understandable you’re upset she’s left money to DP, that seems mad. I would tell her now offensive that is.

You need to tell your DM about your DP.

Your mum has concerns and should seek professional advice without you present. Obviously you will not be passing this message onto her.

Exactly, DP would get £10K, maybe less once expenses are factored in - useful money, but not much today, not worth worrying about.

If she only has £80K that will be gone in no time if she ever needs care - quite possibly there will be nothing to share.

FYI - As you are on means tested benefits you can’t just give your children money (poss 50k each). That will be seen as ‘deprivation of capital’. If you downsize or take out equity your means tested benefits will stop and you are expected to support yourself.

Absolutely sickening as I couldn’t get past the bit where you had ALREADY decided on how to spend potential inheritance when your mother is still alive and well.

She is disabled! Thats what the welfare state was invented for!

Why is that jaw dropping?

That doesn’t work. Money held in trusts is taken into account when calculating benefits.

I hate the phrase this seems grabby but this seems grabby.

this is no reason why DC1 can’t inherit from DP, all he has to do is put them in the will

You seem to want control for some reason & have made plans that your mother seemingly does not agree with

also doing things to avoid benefit allowances is also grabby. Sorry but it is

It doesn't matter if it feels fair. It is her estate to deal with according to her wishes.

Jesus. You want to “provide for your DC” with someone else’s money? You’ve got such a cheek, I don’t even know where to start. I hope your mum spends all of her money when she’s alive and enjoys it.

This feels like a huge waste.

A huge waste of what? Money that you could be getting from the state if you don’t have money of your own? But DC3 would have money of their own. An inheritance which other people on disability benefits wouldn’t have. Why would you deliberate machinate to deprive people with less money than you of necessary funds to survive? (See? Cuts both ways)

Wow, you think that it would be a ‘huge waste’ if your son ends up spending his inheritance money instead of receiving benefits? But why should we, the tax payers, ‘waste’ our money on him? I have absolutely nothing against people who claim benefits because they can’t find work or are unable to work, but I dislike your sense of entitlement. You want to pay your inheritance towards your mortgage to avoid having your benefits stopped (which would only be the case until your capital goes down to £16k) but there are so many people in this country who pay tax and will never afford to save the deposit needed to buy a house.

Your concern that if DP inherits this would be unfair on DC1 seems fake, DPs share of inheritance won’t be large enough to pass anything down after he dies, so no chance for DC 2 and 3 to get anything.

you speak about how concerned you are about looking after your children financially but the only thing that comes out from your post is that you want to be the only person to inherit from your mother.

What do you suggest she does? Throw her mother out on the street, sell the mother's house and live off the 80k until it runs out? Or stop receiving disability benefits and starve until her mother dies to save the taxpayer money?

What tax would that be?

One would have thought @Anyahyacinth, that if there was any way of accruing more money from corporations that the government would have very clever people working on how. They’re not trying to be millions down for shits and giggles are they. I’m sure these very clever people have worked out the exact balance to extract as much as possible without these corporations moving their business elsewhere and thus getting nothing.

I suspect there’s another side to this and a reason the mother has included the DP.

Are you drunk?
people are suggesting nothing like this, rather that when she gets to the point she has £80k in savings, or can downsize and release £100k (I think, I can’t remember) that she spends this money on her own living costs; rather than give it away so that she can continue getting her living costs off the tax payer.
no one has any problem supporting people with disabilities who can’t work. They do have a problem when that person has a pile of money themselves which they are giving away to their children, especially given that most tax payers don’t have £50k to give each child for a house deposit.

I hope she leaves her money to charity they'd be more deserving than you!

Thats just bizarre thinking ...these companies have 'meetings' with HMRC to agree what tax they'll deign to pay. Declare they have made losses by paying 'royalties' in hundreds of millions profit made in the UK to parent companies or other clear avoidance scheme.

You believe the likes of Starbucks if asked to actually pay tax on earnings ...would say 'ok we wont trade in the UK'. Surely our reply would be good riddance.???

Meanwhile.... let's get really animated abut a disable person n receiving an inheritance 🤦‍♀️

It’s all a negotiation isn’t it. Starbucks received £14 million credit last year, but their parent company, paid in £90 million. Which is more. Isn’t it obvious that if Starbucks were in fact costing the UK money, the government would indeed say good riddance. Why wouldn’t they?

I think you've misunderstood...Starbucks sent the profit out of the UK as royalties to avoid tax. They had made hundreds of millions ..their fancy footwork meant they were given credit from our taxes...but yes let's stomp on a disabled mother trying to help her disabled child....

I leave it to you to decide why our politicians might be in thrall to large corporations...could it be they hope for a place on the board in their 'retirements'?