Is my Mother’s will fair?

[erfanclub]

DM in 70s, reasonable health for her age.
Widowed. She didn’t inherit anything from DF or her DM or DF. She got a few thousand from an aunt and her DSIS. She gave me some of this (as I wasn’t named in will) which I used to pay off student debts.

I’m an only child.
I have 3 DC.
Eldest with ex who has no contact.
2 younger with current DP.
2 elder DC are adults & rent where they live.
DC3 has disabilities and may never be able to hold down a full time permanent job & may end up on means tested benefits as an adult.

I, myself am disabled and live on means tested & disability benefits.

I own a house I bought when working & have a £115k mortgage with another 23 years to go paying £640pcm.
It has c £200k equity. My plan was/is to take out equity or downsize as & when DC want deposits to buy their own homes. (Estimating £50k each).

DM has no will so if she dies intestate I inherit her home with equity of c £80k. I would put this into my mortgage not only because that makes financial sense but because otherwise I’d be over the capital limits for the means tested elements of what I receive.

DM has now said she has written a will, giving half to me and splitting the other half between not only my 3DC but also current DP.

IMO this is highly problematic for 2 main reasons.
DC1 cannot inherit from DP as he isn’t his DF.
So DC 2 & 3 could inherit more than DC1 which I don’t think is fair. DC 2 & 3 could also potentially inherit from others on DP’s family side which creates even more inequality.

Secondly if DC3 becomes an adult & is on means tested benefits at the time of inheriting they would lose their benefit income & be forced to use their inheritance for basic living costs. This feels like a huge waste.
DM then suggested that DP hold money ‘in trust’ (ie not a formal /legal trust) for DC3. That she suggested DP instead of me felt insulting as I am good with money & DP is worse than useless. (One of the reasons the house is solely mine & not joint).

If DM wants DC to inherit directly rather than through me it’s her choice even though to me it makes no financial sense as with a lower mortgage I’m more able to help DC with ongoing expenses & their own house deposits.

She said she doesn’t want them “beholden” to me.

But to take from me & DC1 & give to DP I find upsetting. Background is relationship with DP is fractious at best. History of financial & emotional abuse. I can’t imagine it lasting long term.
This is unknown to DM. She’s not the kind of mother I could talk to about anything emotional/sensitive.

It’s so important to me to provide for my DC because despite my DPs having high income/ high assets when I was a young adult they gave me no help. I inherited nothing from DF.

Is this fair?

Wills dont have to be fair. They just have to be what the person wants them to be.

Your DM in 70s and in reasonable health for her age. She could live for decades.

Chances are you might never get your grabby hands on her money.

For someone living on benefits and disabled, you: 1 are having a mortgage - how is that happening? You have a partner, why do you have benefits, is he not paying for your lives? 2. Are quite financially savvy

Secondly if DC3 becomes an adult & is on means tested benefits at the time of inheriting they would lose their benefit income & be forced to use their inheritance for basic living costs. This feels like a huge waste.

I'm forced to use my wages that I work incredibly hard for in a stressful job for basic living costs. This also feels like a huge waste but I suck it up and get on with it because, you know, life.

Did you miss that the op plans to essentially hide the inheritance money in various ways so that the tax payers keep funding her?

Well, if your DP wants to, he can use his share to even things between DC. But frankly, I think it’s lovely that she wants him included. Good relationships are far more valuable than good inheritances.

Disabled people aren't necessarily stupid, you know.

If anything is unfair it's this.

I also hope your mother lives for many, many more years. She's only a bit older than me. I hope my dcs are not anticipating my death and rubbing their hands together. You need to take a long look at what you have written.

What the fuck did I just read???????????

un- fucking- believable

Why does she want to leave money to your dp?
Does he do things for her

The decision to bequeath to your partner and direct to DC plus her wording about not wanting DC beholden to you, suggests that your mum may not share your confidence in yourself as being good with money. Because benefitting her GC is one thing, but to give direct to your partner is unusual, almost like ensuring some was protected from you.
Your plan to 'take equity' from your home to give your DC house deposits for example may be flawed, because you can only do that by borrowing into your equity and if you're on means tested benefits, how would the increased mortgage payments be affordable?
If that plan relied on using the £80k from your mum to make that affordable, I don't see why her plan to bequeath directly to DC is a problem. In fact it's simpler, as they get the benefit directly rather than having to go through you and your remortgage to get it.

OP I think I would be furious if my parents wrote my DH into their will at my (or our DC's) expense. Regardless of pretty much all the other issues you mention, I would find it really disloyal.

There is, though, not much you can do other than make your case. It's her choice and, in England at least, you have no rights in the matter.

I’m still stuck on your concerns about losing benefits if you inherit!! Appalling attitude

Meant quite the opposite, not related with her disability, not sure where did you see relation in that

I massively disagree. Much better to explain a will, especially if unusual so everyone know before the (likely stressful and emotional) event what to expect.
OP why on earth have you stayed with a man that treats your eldest badly? My DSS will get his equal share if DH dies before me.

Ditch the DP as you suggest no good reason for staying together. Then your mum will write him out and that solves one of your several issues.

You need to explain to her enough of the stuff around DP to make her understand this is a bad idea.

Do you devote the same energy and condemnation to boycott corporations that avoid hundreds of millions in tax? If yes ..then I might have some respect for your opinion.
Personally I believe in a minimum basic income especially for people with a disability and have no problem with the same people having some stability from an inheritance.
Conservatives estimates are that people with disabilities have monthly additional costs of @£1,600 so this inheritance will have a minimal impact on that.
Benefits are absolutely not designed for living on long term and permit no resilience for life's costs.
I just can't get worked up to attack the vulnerable whilst we are being robbed blind by corporations sucking the wealth from our society....in their billions

Her money her choice, the only thing unreasonable is you expecting any of it, you’re an adult who is responsible for your own children until they are adults, when they are then responsible for themselves and any children they chose to have.

harsh as it sounds you sound very entitled.

My jaw dropped at 115k mortgage with 23 years to go.

Ignoring it’s her will, be aware if you leave money to someone who is not a direct relative (I.e your DP) it will be subject to tax. Look it up. I know this is the case as my DF had to change his will to exclude my DH.

I can’t lie this does bother me (not in that people who genuinely require support receive it) however, there are so many people (in the uk anyway) who get given a house and a benefits, essentially their salary. Who don’t work and have children they can’t afford but get by purely playing the system (not saying this is the case for op) but it’s bullshit for people like myself that didn’t have the financial backing of parents (who were never in a position to give it) to push hard enough then pay all their mortgage and bills with no support who are still not in a financial position to have children however are still paying 40% tax to support the piss takers.

This. Have you read your post back to yourself? If I was your mother I’d bypass you & give it all to charity

DC1 can inherit from your DP if DP chooses; like everyone else, he can write his will however he likes. But why on earth would your DM leave anything to DP instead of you? I read that twice, sure I must be misunderstanding. Bonkers.