Is my Mother’s will fair?

[erfanclub]

DM in 70s, reasonable health for her age.
Widowed. She didn’t inherit anything from DF or her DM or DF. She got a few thousand from an aunt and her DSIS. She gave me some of this (as I wasn’t named in will) which I used to pay off student debts.

I’m an only child.
I have 3 DC.
Eldest with ex who has no contact.
2 younger with current DP.
2 elder DC are adults & rent where they live.
DC3 has disabilities and may never be able to hold down a full time permanent job & may end up on means tested benefits as an adult.

I, myself am disabled and live on means tested & disability benefits.

I own a house I bought when working & have a £115k mortgage with another 23 years to go paying £640pcm.
It has c £200k equity. My plan was/is to take out equity or downsize as & when DC want deposits to buy their own homes. (Estimating £50k each).

DM has no will so if she dies intestate I inherit her home with equity of c £80k. I would put this into my mortgage not only because that makes financial sense but because otherwise I’d be over the capital limits for the means tested elements of what I receive.

DM has now said she has written a will, giving half to me and splitting the other half between not only my 3DC but also current DP.

IMO this is highly problematic for 2 main reasons.
DC1 cannot inherit from DP as he isn’t his DF.
So DC 2 & 3 could inherit more than DC1 which I don’t think is fair. DC 2 & 3 could also potentially inherit from others on DP’s family side which creates even more inequality.

Secondly if DC3 becomes an adult & is on means tested benefits at the time of inheriting they would lose their benefit income & be forced to use their inheritance for basic living costs. This feels like a huge waste.
DM then suggested that DP hold money ‘in trust’ (ie not a formal /legal trust) for DC3. That she suggested DP instead of me felt insulting as I am good with money & DP is worse than useless. (One of the reasons the house is solely mine & not joint).

If DM wants DC to inherit directly rather than through me it’s her choice even though to me it makes no financial sense as with a lower mortgage I’m more able to help DC with ongoing expenses & their own house deposits.

She said she doesn’t want them “beholden” to me.

But to take from me & DC1 & give to DP I find upsetting. Background is relationship with DP is fractious at best. History of financial & emotional abuse. I can’t imagine it lasting long term.
This is unknown to DM. She’s not the kind of mother I could talk to about anything emotional/sensitive.

It’s so important to me to provide for my DC because despite my DPs having high income/ high assets when I was a young adult they gave me no help. I inherited nothing from DF.

Is this fair?

Paying off a debt (including a mortgage) is not deprivation.

I've even known DWP ignore capital for several months to allow it to be used on purchasing a property. Assumedly because this saves them money on UC housing allowance and frees up council properties.

Weird take. Surely it would be better to have op self sufficient for a while.

On benefits, a homeowner and bemoaning your inheritance cut. Just be grateful for what you have, man.

That is what I thought. So your DP and three DC would get £10k each and you'd get £40k @erfanclub ?

I think if you do inherit money that puts you over the benefits threshold, then you should lose them and live off your own money, rather than tax payers'.
I'd suggest speaking to your mum about the will including DP though, especially if it's not a stable relationship and maybe not for the long term.

Her money, her choice.

I would sit down with her and explain your relationship issues. I would also explain that if she leaves it to DP there is no guarantee it will go to the children as he could spend it or you could split up. Sorry to be morbid but if something happened to you and he remarried the money could go to.someone else.

Is it worth just showing her that you just want money to go yo DCs in the most efficient way? Has she seen a solicitor about this?

And then it turns out she gave it all to the donkey sanctuary.

Your DM isnt a mind reader. And i think its up to her if she wants to leave money directly for DGC. But id perhaps confide in her about DP and suggest a trust for each DGC if she wants to bypass you

Do you realise op that when you say you want to pay in to mortgage/avoid DC3 having savings so that you still get all your means tested benefits, what you are actually saying is that you want the tax payer - that’s me - to carry on funding your day to day life, so that all of you can own houses?
do you know what - surprisingly I’d rather the money I earn goes to my own kids houses, not yours.

but you wouldn't be able to hold DC3's money 'in trust' because then you'd lose your benefits so is that why she's leaving it to DP? Do you and your DP live together? She could just set up a proper trust.

Wills are not fair or unfair. Her money, her estate, her choice.

It’s obviously her money and she can do what she likes etc.

I kind of get the wanting to leave some to your dc directly. Makes some sense.

I don’t get why she’d leave any to your DP. He’s not her descendent in any way.

However it’s not worth worrying about. Don’t plan your life around inheritance, would be my advice. Just make your own financial arrangements so that any inheritance you get is a nice bonus.

It’s 80k between 5 people, not 800k. Not sure why you’re giving it so much thought.

And the idea that your DC3 using an inheritance for basic living expenses is a waste that should really be covered by benefits is part of the reason we have a bloated welfare state.

You are saying that to a disabled mother with a disabled child ....yikes ...the lack of humanity

Strong disagree with this. I think you should be upfront about what’s in your Will during your lifetime, and stand by the decisions you make when you are able to explain them to the people you (presumably) love.

But if you’re unhappy in your relationship OP then leave your DP and see if this changes her mind.

And also your DC1 could absolutely inherit from your DP if he so chose. He doesn’t have to be her father (see your mother leaving wealth to someone who isn’t her son).

Ultimately it’s up to her, and if you won’t/don’t want to give her the full facts about your relationship then you’re not allowing her to make an informed decision, so I don’t think you can be upset by it.

Aside from your concerns about DC3 which are valid, all the rest of your post is money grabbing grimness.

This.

I’m a bit surprised dp is in the mix, but I don’t see any problem with giving you half, and the rest between grandchildren.

Dc1 could inherit from dp, if dp names him in his will.

Also, it’s not a waste to the tax payer if dc is using his own money, rather than living of benefits…

why are you with dp if he’s abusing you?

Yes and the state should make sure they are looked after. But I’m not sure why the state should make sure they are looked after when they are more than capable of funding their own care? Do you think King Charles should be able to claim benefits if he becomes disabled?

If OP didn't own her house ...then a compassionate state would provide housing.

Oh please ...he claims plenty of support ..that's a ridiculous comparison

Stop controlling what your mum does with her own money . Sorry but you are being unreasonable

@erfanclub there are two things that struck me the first is My plan was/is to take out equity or downsize as & when DC want deposits to buy their own homes. (Estimating £50k each). if you are on means tested benefits I don’t think you can do this - it’s deprivation of assets.

Secondly as you are on means tested benefits and potentially DC3 maybe your Mum leaving some of her estate to your other two DC makes sense. As pp said if it was all left to you it’s fine if it was all used to pay off your mortgage but you couldn’t gift any to your DC even via a deed of variation. Again the latter would be deprivation of assets.

Agree with this.