AIBU to let my DS opt out of sport

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DS7 flat out refuses to join any kind of organised sport. He likes riding his bike and also swimming during holiday/weekend trips to the pool. He also learns drums.

Friends are appalled that I don’t make him do a sport. Apparently he is missing out on vital skills and life lessons.

AiBu?

Mine is the same. I don’t see any issue with it, he’s active and not lazy.

I also don’t understand how I’m supposed to force him? He has plenty of interests, but sports isn’t one of them!

See if theres a local race bmx club/track.

https://www.britishcycling.org.uk/getintobmx

I wouldn’t say appalled but yes, team sports - of any kind - are a key life skill & at only 7 I would persevere with various options. That doesn’t mean forcing him or making him unhappy, just keeping the emphasis on it & setting an example yourself.

Doesn’t he have team sports in school in any case?

Surely he does sport at school?

Not all kids are sporty. I'd say it's fine for him to not play a sport, as long as he is active most of the time in other ways, which it sounds like he is. If he's sitting around, gaming, or watching TV, then it's not so good.

No child should be made to do any form of sport. It sets up a lifetime of hating any form of exercise. Ask me how I know.

I wouldn’t say appalled but yes, team sports - of any kind - are a key life skill

Bollocks. I've got through life perfectly well without this key life skill.

Not made, as in forced.

But there are so many great options for team sports in all forms, and I think it’s important to keep trying. Occasional swimming & cycling at 7 is not enough activity.

These are habits for life that you are setting up. It’s worth trying a few more options, but obviously with no drama or pressure, just curiosity & exploration.

Maybe so but in terms of longitudinal health, and skills like teamwork, collective responsibility, discipline etc, team sports from an early age is hard to beat.

Can you acquire all of this other ways? Yes, very possibly.

However, encouraging young children into team sports at a young age really stands to them in the teen years.

You don’t have to be amazing, it doesn’t have to be highly competitive but I remain convinced there’s a team sport for everyone.

Purely health wise, setting a child up with fitness-building activity, that physically challenges them a bit, is longitudinally really significant.

There are of course exceptions, and no child should be forced or be unhappy

I ask mine fairly regularly whether he wants to try x, y or z, stuff as ‘obscure’ as bmx, to cricket, hockey, football, rugby etc but he doesn’t want to. He plays sport at school, we try to watch a variety at home to pique his interest but he doesn’t want to when it comes to sport.

He learns team work in other ways, playing in a band, going to school, I’m not concerned.

If he doesn’t want to do it I wouldn’t push him, if you make him go when he really doesn’t want to he’ll likely not put in the effort and if he’s in a team the other children won’t like it.

As long as he’s active in some way, so keeping up cycling, swimming at least once a week etc, walking when he can. Also let it be known if he changes his mind it can be arranged.

DS2 hated the thought of being in a team sport when he was younger too. He did swim though every week and golf so was active. As soon as he turned 16 he decided he was all about football and since then has been in a team and plays every week.

If you’re worried about him not being part of something, maybe he could join cubs or an art club or something with less pressure.

Just get him involved in other stuff like beavers, music groups, drama etc?

I'm 67 and have never played a team sport as a hobby or for fun. Hated it. Bad enough having to do it at school. I stopped PE at 14 as I did Latin instead. Happy days.

Team sports aren't for everyone. How about something like Beavers? There is still teamwork involved, but without the competitiveness.

Is it a boy thing - with your friend saying should do team sports? As a girl mum no one has ever said 'why don't they do team sports'. It's good to do a range of extra curriculars, but there is no rule that I'm aware of which says has to include competitive sports

Does he not have regular swim lessons or sessions?

I would say that at 7 only occasionally swimming is not enough to be safe and secure in technique and he won't build up the stamina and water confidence to save yourself if needed.

How often does he ride his bike? Does he commute to school on it regularly or only occasional tootle it round the park when the sun is out?

How active is he outside of this? Are his school good at active playtime with skipping/chase/trim trail etc?

Not enjoying team or structured sport is fine, but not being active enough in childhood is a big risk factor for later issues like weight management and type 2 diabetes.

The CMO guidance is that children should do at least 60 mins of moderate to vigorous activity per day -

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/physical-activity-guidelines-children-and-young-people-5-to-18-years

Activity should vary and include weight bearing exercise. It should be spread through the week.

I would be really keen to find some things that ds does enjoy and want to do. There are so many physically active activities there will be some thing he is good at and enjoys - dance, climbing, scooter, parkruns, gymnastics, parkour etc etc.

Just saying he doesn't like ANY sport is selling him short.

Keep him active - yes

force him to do team sports when he hates it - yes if you want to set up a life long hatred of exercise - no if you want to respect him as the individual that he is.

encourage him to do the things he enjoys be that individual / team sport, art, music, drama.

kids change so much - next year he may be desperate to play soccer or he may be desperate to take up the trumpet.

why ‘force’ team sports on him - keep trying and exposing him to lots of things and let him find his groove.

I have hated team sports all my life I hated being made to do it at school and it put me off competitive sport for life.
Don't make him do it if he doesn't like it.

My son does swimming and karate, both in an individual and non competitive way. It’s fine. Teams are not for everyone. I stopped PE at 14 and restarted some form of exercise at 32. Don’t generate such a lifelong hate.

That’s a very good point. Yes, I think it is gendered. Maybe I will see if Beavers piques his interest.

It can’t be true that your friends think all children play sport. They must know many others that don’t.

No, don't force him.

When I was a child back in the 60s/70s I was active because I played out mostly so there was no particular need to encourage sport etc. We were in and out of houses, up and down the road, bikes, scooters, roller skates, kiss chase 😉 etc, constantly active.

It's not quite the same now, I do think that a lot of kids are less active overall, but being forced into a team sport isn't the way to go.

Not all kids are sporty. Mine loathed team sports, wasn’t very good at any, and it was only made worse by PE lessons at school. It seems to be the only subject that it still seems acceptable to mock children for not being good at. Don’t force it OP, there’s a happy medium between team sports and couch potato. There’s lots of ways to learn how to be a team player with playing a sport.

One of my biggest parenting regrets was forcing dd1 to keep on with the violin when she didn’t want to out of some misplaced middle class pressure.

Both mine as teens picked one activity / sport they liked and stuck with it to 16. That’s enough. Don’t force him though to keep up with the tiger mums - you’ll regret it.

DS14 has always hated team
sports. He is very uncoordinated, and struggles with most sports, but goes for a run every morning before school. He learns teamwork in other ways - he loves performing, and so is part of a team when he is on stage. He also is part of the chess team, a school quiz team, a debating team and a maths competition team. I don’t think he has missed out by avoiding competitive sports, he is very fit.

My two were both the same at that age. Now that they are a bit older they are both involved in different sports clubs. Sometimes it takes them a bit of time to find the right activity for them. In our case this happened through in school demos, a friend getting involved in something in inviting them along, and watching Wimbledon. Sometimes they just might not be into sport.