AIBU to let my DS opt out of sport

[Sportsareanogo]

DS7 flat out refuses to join any kind of organised sport. He likes riding his bike and also swimming during holiday/weekend trips to the pool. He also learns drums.

Friends are appalled that I don’t make him do a sport. Apparently he is missing out on vital skills and life lessons.

AiBu?

I should also say we put absolutely no pressure on them, except making them stick at swimming lessons until they could keep themselves safe in water.

My middle is 8. He will not do sports - football, rugby, boxing, ju jitsu, street dance - anything along those lines. We’ve tried most of the above. How can you force them??

He DOES do cubs, guitar lessons and swimming lessons (as he is stage 5 and will need to do up to stage 7). I also want him to start sea cadets like his big bro as I think it’s fantastic.

But he will not do sports! Some kids are not sporty and that’s ok. He has different interests to his siblings and he is unique and wonderful. Don’t feel guilty or pressure to force your son to do things!

“Maybe so but in terms of longitudinal health, and skills like teamwork, collective responsibility, discipline etc, team sports from an early age is hard to beat.”

Some of the people I’ve met in my life who least demonstrated teamwork and ‘greater good’ mindset were highly competitive sporty types. You don’t need team sports to learn teamwork or discipline.

My son hated sports. He liked to dance and sing and he is very good at it. He does watch and support football though which he gets a lot of enjoyment from. He's a lovely lad and it doesn't seem to have done him any harm.

I do think there is value in learning to be physically active. That can take many different forms. There is no one path to physical fitness and team sports are not superior.

As long as he does something physical, like swimming and riding his bicycle, it doesn’t matter if it is an organized activity.

He should be doing at least 1, preferably more team sports. There are so many choices. Just take him along and see how it goes. At 7, he has no idea if he will like them until he tries. You are the boss. This sounds like gentle parenting bullshit.

He should be doing at least 1, preferably more team sports.

This is legally required, is it?

Sport is boring, he’s just realised early. Sounds like a clever lad.

Being active is important, but this being specifically from a team sport I think less so. My son (8) has landed on a martial art, swimming, performing arts (which includes dance) and cubs. The martial art and the cubs sessions often start with a few team like ball games when they are warming everyone up- I think it's enough. I was a little sad when he wanted to stop football, but I think he has learnt enough to join a kick around in the park without embarrassing himself too much and that's all I really wanted for him there. I know he plays basketball with his friends at break sometimes at school.

Oh goody, another way I'm falling short as a parent! 🥳

(Just kidding. If your kids are active and happy, OP, crack on.)

7 years old is very young to decide someone is ‘not sporty’. My rule was they had to do swimming lessons until competent and also participate in something active throughout primary school.

Tell me you're good at sport without telling me you're good at sport....

Almost all team sport opportunities, even at that ages, are highly competitive. I know, I have tried to find an option for my nion-sporty son at that age.

And from personal experience, being the shittest person on the team does nothing but give you low self esteem.

Nobody needs competitive sport. Great for those that want it but most of us don’t. It was a revelation to me after I left school and discovered that swimming, walking, cycling and yoga were enjoyable just for the sheer pleasure of doing them.

People who like team sports absolutely cannot understand that not everyone is the same. They are like the worst kind of dog people (he is friendly let him jump up and dribble all over you).

There are so many sports out there that don't require you to be the weak link and have everyone shouting at you. Absolutely give him a chance to try various things, I think it is important to be active, but it does not have to be competitive.

So, he does school PE, swimming and bike riding? That'd fine.

Pulling him out of school PE isn't a great plan, but choosing not to opt into more especially if you can keep him active otherwise, is fine.

He nay find his sport thing later, he may not.

There is absolutely no benifit in being forced into a "team" sport where the rest of the team exclude you as you are deemed low ability.

Some of the attitudes from ‘sporty’ people on here are shocking. There’s no skill you can get exclusively from competitive sports that you can’t get elsewhere. What utter bollocks!
I have no coordination and was shit at sports, I dreaded PE lessons. My DDs were the same. I never forced them into sport and this has had absolutely no impact on them whatsoever. They both have good jobs where teamwork is essential and have naturally found their own non competitive ways to keep fit and active.

I would absolutely be encouraging him into trying some more sports and seeing if you can find something that suits him. It doesn't need to be football, rugby or cricket but there are a lot of other options. I think doing at least one sport and ensuring they meet the recommended exercise requirements is really important. It's much easier with some kids than others but it's very much worth encouraging. My rule is that you can choose what you do but you have to do something.

When you say they don’t do sport, do you mean extra curricular? Or do they refuse to do PE in school?

If he doesn't like team sports don't make him. You said he swims which is a sport. What about a martial art or athletics or gymnastics if he isn't into chasing a ball about. I always loathed team sports but loved swimming, trampolining and other non team things. Sadly schools are obsessed with muddy ball sports.

He does PE at school.

Rides his bike to and from school. Goes swimming regularly.

My son never did team sports. He does athletics, sailing and used to be part of a swim club and also kung fu. Team sports just never suited him so why on earth would I have forced him.

Your son is active. He’s fine.

This.

The CMO guidance is that children should do at least 60 mins of moderate to vigorous activity per day

Does he meet this? If not, he doesn’t need to do team sports but needs to do some VIGOROUS activity for at least an hour not just ‘active’. The problem with self-directed activities for kids is that they often fall short of the vigorous level required for good health. Once it gets a bit hard, they naturally ramp it back.

For example, a child getting in a pool and having a swim is rarely going to push themselves to the required amount of effort. However a child in organised pre-squad/squad should come out of the hour sufficiently puffed (took mine a few mins to be able to talk normally etc), which is the level of activity you are needing.

ETA - I had a few that didn’t like team sports, so instead they got to choose from things like swimming, martial arts, squash with an instructor (no games). As long as they walked away having worked up a good sweat I was happy. Others were quite happy to do team sports and a mixture of other stuff, and one had a team sport that involved training/playing 6 times a week.

He’ll get exposure at school. If he likes stuff you can build on that. Being active is fairly essential for making the most of life and organized sport is a great way to hone competitive instincts, learn teamwork and develop robustness and grit. But there are plenty of other ways too. Doing things he loves and developing internal motivation is much better for him if he already has interests.

Always recommend the same thing - take him along to junior parkrun on a Sunday morning. 9am, 2k version and kids can run, jog, walk, skip or even volunteer. They can do it alone, or you do it with them.

great for fitness, self confidence and regular routine without the commitment of team or organised activities.

The cultural sexism that pushes sports is very gendered, but realistically this probably works against girls’ best interests. Women tend to suffer from a lack of fitness, competitiveness and negative mental health response to criticism to a greater extent than men.