AIBU to let my DS opt out of sport

[Sportsareanogo]

DS7 flat out refuses to join any kind of organised sport. He likes riding his bike and also swimming during holiday/weekend trips to the pool. He also learns drums.

Friends are appalled that I don’t make him do a sport. Apparently he is missing out on vital skills and life lessons.

AiBu?

I would ask them why what are they missing out on? no it is not needed I presume children managed to cope before organised sport was a parenting accessory years ago

same reason a girl can reach adulthood succesfully without the cliched dancing or the world will end thing

Our 15 yr old son was never interested in sport and while we introduced him to several sports when he was younger we eventually gave up

When he went to high school he himself discovered what he was missing out on and has played a team sport ever since. His lack of early years experience clearly shows but he really enjoys playing but he does regret that he started late

As long as he's active, it doesn't matter how he does it. Sport often implies competitiveness, and that doesn't suit everyone - particularly girls who tend to prefer more aesthetic actives (e.g., gymnastics, dance)

He's only 7, he can't have tried many sports yet so can't say he dislikes them all. I would keep trying different sports. If the competitive aspect is the issue are there any clubs that do sports just for fun rather than competing? Its at least a thing where I am. Also some clubs that do compete allow children to just join for training and skip matches.
But if he's dead set against team sports then try non team ones. But having at least one active extra curricular is very beneficial to their fitness and health. I've always insisted on at least one for both my children (girl and boy) DD tried a few different things then found her sport when she was 11, DS does all the sports he can - he's not very good at any of them so it's not like he's one of those kids who's just good at sports so enjoys them because of that.

Also didn't get enjoy them until he was 7, before that he really struggled with the team aspect and following instructions (still struggles with the latter but has learnt to copy others)

at 7 he knows what he likes and what he doesn’t. Drumming will teach him participation and teamwork as he begins to play with other people.

sport isn’t the only activity which develops skills in kids. Mine participate in solo sports but develop teamworking through family games, chores, other clubs such as scouts, drama, music and Duke of Edinburgh now they’re older.

as long as you and your son are happy, that’s enough.

As long as he is active, and has the opportunity to participate in group or team activities (not necessarily sports) then he will be a well rounded and healthy child.

Not everyone enjoys or is good at team sports and forcing participation is counterproductive. My experience of these of a child was that they did not so much encourage team spirit as mob mentality. When it comes to exercise, I'm a lone wolf.

This is simply not true.

Untold millions of happy, well-adjusted and successful people don't engage in team sports either as children or adults, beyond the minimal amount done in schools.

Competitive attitudes are often a negative not a positive.

Teamwork, which is very important, can be developed in loads of non-sport settings, such as drama groups, music groups/orchestras, cubs/brownies, St. Johns Ambulance, charity work, and even setting up for non-team sports.

This obsession with team sports belongs to the (pretty distant) past.

My daughter hates team sports (gets it from me!) but loves dance. My son likes taekwando (and football sadly)

I am unclear about if you think your child needs more activity or not - if so, there are loads of non team options. Dance, martial arts, park run, parkour, aerial, etc etc. I would probably encourage him to try a few individual activities at this age. It’s really benefitted my kids as they get older to be busy and active - particularly in high school.

However if I could pay my son to stop football I would. Shouty, angry parents, aggressive kids, standing around in the rain for hours… it’s my least favourite time every week.

'I remain convinced there's a team sport for everyone'

But think of the harm across the whole population, and therefore to national skills, if all the people who were developing skills in something more beneficial started wasting their energy on a team sport that provided both less enjoyment and less practical outcomes.

Team sports are fine, if you like them. There are some issues with those people who have excessively competitive attitudes, and us/them attitudes, these cause people real problems in future life/work, and can be exacerbated by too much emphasis on sport.

Importantly though, team sports are not objectively better than doing something you love that also delivers skills development.

Society is strongest with a broad range of people with a wide range of different skills across the population. And even some skills other than teamwork - we do actually need those lone geniuses 'wasting' all their time inventing something new!

It would be forced. The DS is very clear in his refusal of all team sports.
What team sport has no team?

How many team sports do you do? Because if this is the attitude they cultivate I’ll give it a miss!

It's important to remember that just like the supermarkets tell us how good their products are, it is sports bodies who tell us how good their billion pound industries sports are for our children.

I remember my son hated organised sport or clubs. It just felt like school.
they learn team sport and get the benefits from it on school.
it’s very important that children learn to fill their time with imagination (not just gaming) and meaningful play.
my son didn’t do any clubs and is a great team player in work and doing fine. So is my daughter who attended clubs.

There are loads of ways children learn to work as a team! Doesn’t have to be team sports. There’s loads of sports he can do that aren’t team based for exercise. Don’t force him op, you’ll make both of you miserable!

I loathed school sport, was made miserable by it, yet I have a successful career, am fit and healthy, a size 10 in my 60s. I gained two county caps in a sport of my choosing in my 30s and now I run 10ks and practice karate. I also learned to ski and ride.

Let your ds find his own sport in his own time. Keep offering him opportunities but don't pressure him. At his age it has to be fun.

Yes, same here. In my case it was team sports at school - I wasn’t forced by parents.

There are other ways to learn team skills - eg singing in a choir or involvement in a uniformed organisation eg Cubs, and later, Duke of Edinburgh. The main point is that DC should do some kind of physical activity, so swimming and cycling are fine.

Some of the pro team sports advice is wild. Yes go right ahead force him to do something he has told you doesn’t like! Shout at him to enjoy it! That will lead to great childhood memories for him!

And don’t forget this is supposed to be fun! It’s not like maths etc that we all have to do like it or not.

But just think how much more happy, successful and rich you could be if you had only played a bit of netball

Team sports are just irrelevant in our house. No one plays them or is interested in them. It was the same growing up. I've almost made it to half a century so it can't be that bad. No one should be forced into sport when they are not sporty. Would you make someone who is tone deaf and hates singing join a choir? Because that enables working with others, commitment, practice and so on too.

You don’t have to be amazing, it doesn’t have to be highly competitive but I remain convinced there’s a team sport for everyone.

No there isn’t. I enjoy exercising on my own but I fucking hate all team sports and always have done.

Mine is 15 and has never been interested in team sports. Tried a few over the years. Did karate for a while but decided he didn't like getting beaten up (he's a gentle sole with no interest in fighting, enjoyed the kata). Did street dance for a few years, trampolining for a few more, sailing too.

Now does no organised sport but has a paper round so starts every day 7 days a week with a bike ride. Goes to Sea Scouts which mostly pretty active, especially in summer when they do water sports every week. Not everyone needs to do team sports and it can be really stressful and bad for self esteem if you are the worst on a team. Collaborative things like Scouts are much more healthy for learning teamwork than competitive sport.

As others have said, lots of adults only come back to sport only when they realise there are non-competitive options that are enjoyable even if you're not the best.

It’s a very old fashioned view that a worthy sport makes you a better person. Like something from 1910. But guess many private schools have this as their main selling point so the gullible fall for it.

Don’t know why I’m arguing against it though as I enjoy team sports and am in one at 50 so I must be really fantastic!

Oh yes - I’ve told myself this loads of times! I would be a much better academic if I’d done after school netball or hockey.