To not mention a secret admirer

[ThisGreenSloth]

Hi, husband here just wondering what the majority of wives would want re: below.

I've just received a naughty anonymous birthday card from a secret admirer.

AIBU to not tell my wife about it? The reason I don't want to is because I think it'll simply make her paranoid and possibly affect her relationships with innocent people. She's already a touch jealous.

My instinct is just to bin it and not react at all, but this feels dishonest and like I'm being dragged into the dishonesty.

If it matters, (it doesn't) then the card won't be from anyone who knows me without knowing my wife. My colleagues don't know my address and I'm a classic "no friends" Dad!

Maybe your wife sent the card as a test?

Hiding or binning it does make you seem guilty. Show it to her and say what weirdo sent me this. You can hope she will laugh. Do you not have a mental list of people this could be?

You may think your colleagues don't know your address but it must be in your employment records so someone could get hold of it, or look you up on 192.com or the electoral roll if they were keen to find out. Nothing is secret these days.

Why is she 'already a touch jealous'?

Tell her. If she makes a big deal out of it, tell her to get a grip.

So you don't think it's a joke
You don't think it's a test
You don't have separate friends from your wife so it isn't from someone you know separately
What do you think it is, then? You think genuinely someone you know, as a couple, fancies you, and they are sending this openly to tell you?
What do you think they are aiming to get from sending it?

You seem both incurious about the actual thing and overly worried about your wife.

Are you able to explain a bit more about why your wife is already jealous? Is it over a certain person or friendship? Has she recognised that someone does actually have a thing for you? Have you done anything to cause it?

Anyway, you definitely need to tell her. Partly in case it’s her testing you. Partly because hopefully you’re a team.

I think a joke is the most likely thing and would guess that one of your colleagues found out your address. Alternatively the precursor to some kind of scam.

I find it really hard to imagine any woman using this as a way to approach someone.

The right thing is to tell your wife. Keeping it secret for an easy life will just cause issues down the line

If it was the other way around...?

Your wife probably sent it to test you. I don’t know a single woman who would send a card like that to a married man in a genuine way.

He's avoiding the posters asking why she gets jealous.

Ive had this with my husband - he showed it to me everytime he got one. Was a bit weird but amusing at the same time.

Have to say, the jealousy is a red flag.

I wouldn't hesitate to show a card like this to DP because I'd find it hilarious. Or maybe depending on the wording I'd be creeped out. Or maybe I'd just be flattered and think "still got it!". And I'd want to know who sent it. There'd be no reason to hide it from him because I'd want to talk about all the above, and I know he'd also find it hilarious/creepy/whatever. If he received a similar card I'd react in the same way, I wouldn't feel jealous. Neither of us would have to hesitate or fear each other's reactions. That to me is what happens in a healrthy relationship.

If a woman received a card like this and said she was afraid to tell her husband because of his jealous reactions we would all be telling her to LTB.

I’d just approach it in the way of “ oh someone sent me this , any idea who it might be from “ if she says no I’d let her see me bin it and not bring it up again .

You should definitely tell her. It’s not something she could blame you for…

If OP has previously had affairs or some kind of emotional attachment to another woman, I could see why she might be suspicious.

Did the card envelope actually have your surname on it OP? The reason I ask is that, if for example, your name is Dave, there are loads of Dave's around, so if it only had Dave on the envelope, could it be someone has delivered it to the wrong address, and it having your name on might just be a coincidence? Just a thought.

Show her and send a picture of it to all your couple friends asking who's been cheeky ....

Don't ignore it. You talk about her seeing peoole differentlbut not about u doing the same. Given the latter, I'd be talking about it so your change kn behaviour doesn't out you.
Nothing to hide or be worried about ....but if you don't say anything, there is.

I think the idea of sending a picture of it to all your friends and relations, to ask who's been playing daft jokes on you, is a good one, as if you had been up to anything, it's unlikely you would do that I think.

Have you told your DW yet OP?

I'd tell her, but then my partner isn't remotely jealous. How would she react?