To try and get pregnant at 46

[Whywoojjh]

I’m 46 and would like to try for my first child is this too late? I’m also 47 in July

I’m amazed that so many people are answering in earnest to a single line thread with no follow up? If this was someone really wanting to do this, you’d think they’d add some justification rather than inviting negative opinion.

Yes, it’s too old to wake up at 46 and decide you fancy TTC in the opinion of most people.

More common than you might think. I had my eldest at 36. Then a miscarriage. Then TFMR at 38 as my baby had Patau Syndrome. Im my friendship group of similar aged friends, two others also terminated in late 30’s due to chromosome issues.

I became pregnant with my first and only child (now 22) at 44 and was 45 when he was born. His dad and I both worked part time due to fatigue related conditions. We didn't have much of a social life but we managed pretty well, sharing the domestic responsibilities and child care equally. We did have a cleaner. I would not describe it as a nightmare at all and feel people are overly negative about having a child later in life. Whether you can successfully conceive and carry to term is another matter but I would try if you are managing daily life ok, financially stable and have good support.

I wouldn’t. I had my third at 38 and I’m knackered - that felt too old for me personally. Can’t imagine having a baby at 47/48 - would finish me off.

A friend had her first at 46 and died from cancer in her early fifties. You never know what’s around the corner.

Of course, there are practical realities to consider, especially for older mums. Questions about the future, health, who will be there for the child in years to come etc. These questions absolutely need to be considered carefully - but also by any parent!

That said, I think there’s something profoundly beautiful when I think about that child one day knowing that they only exist because someone chose them so deliberately. Not by chance, not by accident, but through intention, courage, and a deep desire to love and to nurture.

I’d say the same goes for adoption too. How special that must be to know someone wanted you so much that they went against convention, against the odds, against all the haters (especially on mumsnet), and went on what I can only imagine is a seriously hard journey, to bring / welcome you into their lives.

I applaud those women - the older mums, the women who have adopted, as I’d be incredibly honoured to know a love as strong as that.

I think that ship has sailed. Have you thought about fostering?

Yes you’re crazy.

You’ll be exhausted by a baby/toddler/small child/teenager.

High chance of unhealthy pregnancy.

Unlikely to fall pregnant naturally, or even by other methods.

I’m the same age and looking into perimenopause treatment, can’t imagine even thinking about having a baby.

How do you know it wont matter? Do you think a child being 20 when their mum is nearly 70 is not odd at all?

On the other side of the coin, the resulting child may feel their parent was incredibly selfish putting their own needs for a child before the child itself. I dont include adoption in that because the child is already here and a loving home even with a much older parent is still a loving home. But to create a child to fulfill one's own needs knowing you are statistically more likely to cause that child difficulties (losing parent young. Caring for parent young. Less agile etc- generally, not exclusively) .. that is different

It is not impossible. It is very very very very rare to conceive naturally and carry a heatlhy foetus to term at over the age of 50

A friend of mine from school had older parents and not even as old as OP will be. She was always so embarrassed and avoided anyone going to her house or her parents picking her up from anywhere. They were retired while she was still in school and she just seemed to be very awkward and anxious

The irony of your user name though. Presumably you understand to some extent what it’s like to desperately want a child. Any intentional pregnancy is creating a child to fulfil one’s own needs. People used to say IVF was selfish and unnatural, and there’s some evidence that children conceived that way have slightly higher health risks. Would you tell someone who couldn’t conceive naturally that maybe they just weren’t made to be a parent?

I have a family member who had her second at 46 (after having had her first at 41) so it is possible, I know another who had twins at 45. They’re all coping fine, no crazy exhaustion, kids are great, mums both early fifties now. I will say they were both super fit (think swimming every day) beforehand, and I think you do need to know you will have enough financial resources to be able to, say, retire and still cover uni costs and also have a cleaner along the way. A big extended family also helps. I wouldn’t do it if father was any older though tbh.

I was late to the game, 35 when I became pregnant, if it was possible go for it now, wish I started sooner

How on earth would someone know if you’d tried for one by now? There are plenty of people I know who want kids but haven’t met the right person yet. And Mumsnet is full of people being asked by other posters why they chose to have kids with their partner. You can’t win on here. Not everybody meets the perfect person at the perfect time.

OP if you want to have a baby have a baby. There are plenty of people in their fifties at the school gates.

But their eggs aint.

Clearly, it’s up to you.

I have custody of 2 grandchildren. I’m 53. I’ve had them for 6 years now, the youngest was a newborn, and her sister 16 months.

Im exhausted ALL the time. I didn’t think I’d survive the night feeds at all.

A friend of mine had her first and only child at 48 via IVF and as a single parent. She was 50 with an under 2 year old

I personally wouldn’t, I’m 47 and am starting to feel the aches and pains but then I have two teens - if I didn’t have any children and wanted them I may think differently.

Utterly insane.
Unfair on the child.

I think you misinterpreted the message….the poster was saying that she lost a baby due to genetics at age 35 not that everyone at that age does. The risks do increase drastically over age 40, that’s a statistical fact, you may be lucky but you have to take this into account, a baby at 46 is going to be hard, add in perimenopausal changes and if the baby was unlucky to have a genetic disorder this would be very tough on OP and it is wise to seriously consider this risk. Obviously lots of people at this age having babies have healthy babies too.