Girlfriend, Baby Mum & Dirty little secret….

[SShelby]

So…. Interesting ones you you beautiful ladies this morning. Me and my partner has a stunning 3yo daughter together, long storey short, over two years ago we split up he moved back into his parents and things got messy when I had social services and police on my door step saying I was a bad mum ect, after showing them a whole shipping container of evidence said ex partner got himself arrested for DA, and I was told I was actually a good mum and not to worry this happens more than you would think, police and social services were amazing, it’s belived to be his mother who started all of this by trying to have my daughter taken off me which let’s be fair backfired as her son then got arrested. Months later I had the charges dropped and said ex sorted his life out (well so I thought) a few months after that we got back together, he wasn’t drinking or taking god knows what up his nose… if you know you know. 2 years down the line everything has been great, although he doesn’t live her as I like my space 😂 I am now pregnant again, then…. Apparently a leopard can’t change its stops!! Comes to my attention that he has told no one, his family parents literally everyone in his life is completely unaware that we have being back together for the last 2 years. He is now making every excuse up not to tell them we have another child on the way. I presume this is because he’s being keeping me a dirty little secret for the last 2 years. AIBU for being pee’d off over this?!

She hasn't learnt from her mistakes though. I don't champion people who bring innocent kids into a world of drug taking and violence. She chose that and she has to take responsibility for her shit poor decisions.

It is. However, it's also honest.

If you want to do the best by your child, continuing a relationship with a man who has a drug habit and getting pregnant in these circumstances isn't exactly wise is it?

You know this though yourself.

I am struggling to understand what you want the responses on this thread to say.

Apart from ditch this loser and sort your own shit out and stop making stupid decisions, there's not a huge amount anyone can really say because that's the position you are in.

The fact is she's made the decision to have two kids with a man who is a drug user and violent. That is what she has decided to do, not once, but twice.

On average it takes women seven attempts to leave abusive relationships so the fact she's made that decision now is a credit to her. Don't be so quick to judge if you haven't lived her life.

I mean I can understand you being upset but would you really want the woman who reported you as being an abusive mum to know you had another child on the way. I would want to protect myself and my children from that. If you go back to someone who was arrested for domestic abuse, who was a coke user and who comes from a family, you were unfortunately naive to believe it would work out well.

The best thing you can do now for you and your children, is take it as a lesson learned and not let him back in your life as as the possible repercussions aren't worth it. You and they deserve better.

Sounds like you need a fresh start. Can you move far away so that he and his family cannot contact you in the future?

He’s obviously not a good dad (he’s primarily selfish), so don’t let him or his family have access to your children until they’re adults and can make their own choices about whether to have contact.

@SShelby no you aren't being unreasonable to be very upset. There has been some naivety on your part and hopefully that won't happen again.

In practical terms, SS have let this go once. If you are reported again, a pattern starts to emerge. Please cut all ties and get yourself settled so your children can go to school. I would also advise that you don't put this person's name on the birth certificate.

Good luck.

Poor baby

You say you’re a sucker for love, but you have to recognise there is nothing loving about any of his treatment of you - domestic abuse is never ever something done by someone who loves you, and keeping your relationship a secret shows he doesn’t respect you at all.

He sounds like probably a fairly awful guy though I do have some sympathy for him keeping you a secret after you got back together, his mum clearly hates you and has already decided to destroy your life once so I can understand why he didn't want her to find out about the two of you.

Have you thought about doing a course to recognise the way some abusibe men work to get your trust and control such as the Freedom Project.

You may be more vulnerable to such men for all sorts of reasons.