AIBU to let my nine year old shave her legs?

[Ljcrow]

I posted on the parenting thread asking for recommendations for a safe and easy to use electric shaver for my 9 year old to use on her legs and the initial responses were: none. So I thought I'd see whether people think I'm being reasonable by letting her shave or unreasonable due to her age.

For context: she's self conscious to the point she won't now wear shorts outside of the house even when the weather's warm or for PE at school. As much as I think it's far too young (I was 12/13) it's her body and her choice. It's a sad reflection of our patriarchal society but I'm not forcing my 9 year old to lead the revolution.

I'd rather her use a safe electric razor with my help and support than her trying to tackle it herself and potentially doing herself some damage or remaining self conscious and uncomfortable in warm weather.

Interested in others' opinions!

Well, I'd imagine nobody would blink an eye about a boy starting shaving early if his face was getting unusually hairy for his age. And I doubt we'd hear any complaints about beauty/grooming standards etc.

We are a dark hair, pale skin family. My mother forbid me to ‘change how God made me’ and I was not allowed to shave or remove any body hair. Until I got a job, bought my own razors and…the freedom! It was so amazing.
So my daughter, at about 10, needed my help. She went with me to a local hotel with a spa, and we bought a pre-waxing numbing cream ahead of her leg wax. We also got her waxed with warm peelable wax (not the cotton strips) as we were told it was kinder to skin, and it was. Therapist was amazing and it was definitely best decision!

I was shaving my legs from about 11 and a half when I started High School (Scotland).

I think in some ways kids grow up much quicker these days and chances are she'll be more mentally affected by you refusing than allowing her.

I'm heading towards 50 and still can't understand why my Mum refused to let me do the things that the other girls in my year group were doing e g ear piercing, long hair, nail polish, tampons etc as I felt like such an outsider/odd one out and it destroyed my self confidence and isolated me as I couldn't join in with make-up chat etc. If you look at my school year photos I'm the weirdo looking one (in my head anyway!).....

She didn't know about the leg shaving but guess my Dad probably wondered why his razors were blunt 😆.

Obviously as a teenager I rebelled, dyed my hair purple, drank MD20/20 etc 😆.

OT but do you mind me asking what cream is this, and would you recommend please?

We will likely be in a smilar position with our 9 year old soon enough. She’s already very tall for her age and is developing a little quicker than her peers as well. She hasn’t asked yet but when she does I’ll teach her how with an electric razor. I wish it wasn’t happening so quick but I’d rather I feel a bit sad and pissed off about it than her feel uncomfortable and self conscious. Growing up is hard enough.

I'd support her in shaving even if it's because of other people making her feel self conscious.

I don't shave because I feel like I have too, I just hate how my legs/body feels when hairy!

My DD10;hasn't mentioned shaving yet so I'm just going to wait until she mentions it

I decided to allow my own girls when start shaving when and if they feel like they want to and if they are feeling self conscious. I got them good razors and show them how to do it safely.
I started puberty early at 9 so started being conscious of my body a bit younger than average, so I understand how some 9 year olds wouldn’t think twice about a visible hairy leg and others may be mortified by it
I remember boys laughing at hair under my arm and I wanted the ground to swallow me up, so if my mum hadn’t let me shave at that point I would have literally stopped wearing certain clothes

@Ljcrow I don’t think this is unreasonable at all, yes 9 seems young but I think better to show her that you have heard her and understand and are looking for safe ways to deal with it together, rather than say no and her feel that you don’t understand so she won’t come to you for difficult issues in the future.

I use something called a magic crystal rather than razor. It effectively rubs the hair off rather than shaving it. Has the same effect but is kinder to skin and less risk of ingrown hairs.
https://www.secretmake-up.co.uk/products/magic-crystal-hair-remover?srsltid=AfmBOorRo9hQt7qXz7g_s6kBrapqgMW_vh3s_0ItNSpNZaVs1PlAXkqv

Another option if you think she could tolerate would be an epilator. This is obviously more painful but a friend of mine used one of these from preteen age and by the age of 16 the hair on her legs was really fine and soft so did not need doing as often and didn’t hurt so much. But think more chance of ingrown hairs which can be a problem. Good luck I hope you find something that works for you and your daughter.

My legs were ridiculously hairy as a child. As a teen I borrowed my dad's razor. When he found it blunt and I confessed, he beat my legs with a stick.

My girls were also pretty hairy. The day each one came to the conclusion that they didn't want hairy legs, I waxed them.

You could also consider a Philips lumea, which will permanently banish hair. This may sound drastic, but I feel it's unlikely she will regret removing it in the future. Both my girls were given access to mine aged 16 ish. No more moustache or hairy legs.

And no stick

I used my dad's razor in secret to shave under my arms. I had a few straggly hairs and my mum thought it would be silly to start shaving as it would encourage the hair to come through "thicker and darker". Although there weren't many hairs, they were long and wispy and I was mortified by them. I tried cutting them off with nail scissors first but kept cutting myself. My parents discovered I'd been using the razor when my dad lacerated his face because it was so blunt.

All this to say, I think you're being very empathetic and pragmatic. Your daughter's feelings of embarrassment and self consciousness will not go away by you telling her she doesn't need to worry about it (mine didn't). Yes, your daughter is young but kids do seem to be going through puberty earlier and earlier. Having these open conversations with your daughter is really healthy and desirable and if you do decide to let her shave, an electric razor sounds like a smart choice to me. I used one myself for underarm shaving for many years and found it to be very gentle. (Would still be using it now if I'd bothered to replace it when it broke!) Best of luck.

That's horrific, I'm so sorry.

Please don't feel sorry for me. It wasn't great, but I always knew it wasn't right to be hit by my parents. Sounds bizarre, but it means the punishments weren't actual punishments, per se, just a reflection of the puny thought processes of the people who were my parents, with some hitting and insults on the side.

I have greatly enjoyed parenthood by doing the exact opposite. I have trated my daughters as wise women, capable of making wise choices and they have indeed. Life is good now, as it was then xxxx