AIBU to let my nine year old shave her legs?

[Ljcrow]

I posted on the parenting thread asking for recommendations for a safe and easy to use electric shaver for my 9 year old to use on her legs and the initial responses were: none. So I thought I'd see whether people think I'm being reasonable by letting her shave or unreasonable due to her age.

For context: she's self conscious to the point she won't now wear shorts outside of the house even when the weather's warm or for PE at school. As much as I think it's far too young (I was 12/13) it's her body and her choice. It's a sad reflection of our patriarchal society but I'm not forcing my 9 year old to lead the revolution.

I'd rather her use a safe electric razor with my help and support than her trying to tackle it herself and potentially doing herself some damage or remaining self conscious and uncomfortable in warm weather.

Interested in others' opinions!

Another one whose parent thought shaving was unnecessary but I had very dark hairy legs! I just did it anyway. I didn’t cut myself to shreds like some of you are saying though, a disposable razor and a bar of soap was fine.

Honestly hair removal is such a non issue it’s weird and controlling behaviour to prevent your daughter from removing it.

OP I’m not sure about electric shavers because I’ve never found one that gives a close enough shave (which is important if you have pale skin and dark hair as you can see the stubble!) but a decent Gillette razor, the sort where you change the blades regularly, and a can of shaving foam is likely to be fine for a 9 year old. Although personally I’d ask her if she’d prefer to wax, as if she starts young she’ll find as she gets older the hair doesn’t grow back.

Yes if she’s self conscious then i’d let her yes

I let my dd shave her legs at 9. She's always been very hairy and a vile child at school kept pointing them out. We had a chat about it and she decided she wanted to get rid of the hair so we did.
She was refusing to wear skirts or shorts and I just wanted her to be comfortable. They're her legs not mine.

Genuinely confused by the "not yet" replies. No one has explained why. Somone mentioned it as a lead in to other beauty treatments/trends - I couldn't be further from any of these and yet started shaving at a young age. I don't think this is logical at all. Kind of like saying if you have your hair cut, you'll be getting lash extensions next...

I use a Phillips lady shaver for body hair. For underarms sometimes only a regular blade one will get it smooth enough though. The electric shavers help with bumps - especially if she wants to do a bikini line at whatever point. I can't do it with anything else as the ingrown hairs are just insane! I also remember having a braun one that you can change from a shaver to an epilator. Again though, ingrown hairs from this were not great but not everyone has the same issue. I have keratosis pilaris so I probably get them worse than other people. It took me years to figure this out. I tried waxing too. Unfortunately, even though I had no hair, I was still in a position that I only wore trousers because of the red lumps everywhere (I have to do my whole leg and they were worse above the knee - I have memories and photos of me at the acropolis in Athens on a school trip in a heatwave in jeans 🥵).

I think it's great that you've figured out that this is the best option. I've certainly never managed to hurt myself with my electric razor (but sometimes if the batteries run out, I've nicked myself in the knee with a normal razor even as an adult). I think the Phillips razors have little balls on the end of the sharp bits of the trimmer bar to prevent scrapes - I feel like I have had other razors that have given me grazes before I discovered this (I remember I got tempted by a mini one of some make for a holiday - didn't use it again!). Worth looking into. Maybe other brands do this too? Just remember to not press it down I guess (which a child might be tempted to if it doesn't get all the hair at first pass?). Good luck!

I assume you've also reported the issue to the school? They should be talking to the boys about their sexist remarks

Bit of a leap given that no mention was made.

OP doesn't say what the catalyst was and a PP talks about her daughter's friend (presumably female) remarking on her legs being so hairy.

I can understand that girls feel pressured by stupid societal norms but kids of that age notice (and often remark on, even unkindly) differences in others, regardless of gender.

I'm not sure I'd appreciate my DS being labelled sexist at 9 for asking someone why they have a big nose / hairy arms / ginger hair etc. I'd be having private words about sensitivity but that'd be it.

Being a hairy legged radical feminist myself I have had to accept that my daughter hit puberty earlier than I did and also lives in a very different world than I did. Therefore for the last term of primary school when they do swimming she gets taught about shaving and associated care. Of course she also gets a lecture about women's oppression and beauty standards but she knows that is the deal. Whatever I think about this sexist world she still has to live in it. If showing her how to shave is an important part of her still enjoying sports then that's the price to pay. Priorities.

My 10 year old has been self conscious since she was 5 and a boy pointed out her hairy knees to the reception class. He self consciousness has got worse with puberty .She started shaving them this year along with her armpits as I realised how much it was hurting her confidence and what she would wear.

Yes in my experience girls can often be worse than boys for this sort of thing. For me it was boys unfortunately. We actually have a wonderful nurse who comes into school in Year 4 and does talk to all the children about bodies changing and children's sensitivities and the fact that they shouldn't be pointing anything out on someone else's body, even if it's asking an innocent question, as that can be directed to someone else at another time. Might not hurt to ask if there's anything planned to come up like that or a lesson in PSHCE. Obviously, not in an accusatory way.

I was similar to many posters on here and I was ten when I shaved my legs for the first time. My mum was disappointed when she saw I had done this because she isn’t very much into hair removal as I am (kind of on opposite ends). She was the same about make up too so I always felt weird and odd doing these things. As a mum myself now, I would like to support my DD if she came to me with something like this, like you are, OP.

Edited as I hit ‘post’ way too early.

Please let her shave. I have dark hair and my mother wouldn’t let me shave my legs until high school. I was bullied for it in primary school as there were no cubicles for changing in my day and age. I still feel the effects of it now as a grown ass adult. 😔

I showed my daughter how to shave her legs safely when she was 9 after her expressing how self conscious she was about it.

I remember being very self conscious of new hair on my legs at that age and I wasn’t allowed to shave them. I was getting bullied by boys at school which led to me using my Dad’s razor and cutting my legs to pieces and being yelled at. My mum tried waxing mine but I’m not putting my daughter through that.

Kids go through a lot, if this is one less thing for her to worry about I’m happy with that.

My youngest, now 9 year old, hasn’t mentioned shaving so she doesn’t. I’ll show her when she asks me to.

I have Hirsutism (I was later diagnosed with PCOS) and I was this 9 year old with hairy legs. It really hit my confidence and made me feel so insecure.

I was around 10 when my mum bought me my first razor, at my request. She bought me one of the ones with the gel bars attached which made shaving a little gentler while I got used to it, as well as a shaving gel.

As an adult, I used an electric shaver (I'm very hairy!) as well as a razor for a smoother finish.

It took some practice and getting used to, but just encourage her to go slow and be supportive!

I have an 8 1/2 year old and I don't think she even knows shaving your legs is a thing.
I'd personally be discussing what has led her to pick up on it, my dd does have body hair but she doesn't really see it/nobody else has commented.
I agree if she is really anxious I'd try and find a way to help with it but I'd want to know what's led to this. Leg shaving is harmless really BUT when she is 14 and feels her boob's are small, or her bum is flat, or her hair is too brunette, or her nails should be acrylic - she's going to need to deal with not always looking perfect/the same at some point and 9 is a good age to start some of those chats even if you let her shave her legs now. I'm not saying this is the hill to die on but I do think you should interrogate it a bit further rather than just seeing the solutions as "we will deal with the body hair" unless you see yourself advocating for other interventions when she is older and has new body hang ups. I'd try and push for some self confidence too, maybe try Girlbe and some books to support her with where self worth comes from, as well as finding the right razor.

We have had those conversations with her. She's very non commital and just insists she doesn’t like or want the leg hair. My guess is it's due to mixing with older kids at junior school.

She also might just not like it? I don’t like how mine looks. I am very pale, it’s very dark, but also quite sparse. So I just look dirty from a distance.

I’m not sure if it was your thread I posted on, but I’m all for helping my daughter remove any body hair that makes her feel uncomfortable.
she’s 11, so a little older. We haven’t tackled legs yet, but she has mentioned them so we’ll get them waxed in the next few weeks.
i have waxed her armpits for her, we have the middle of her eyebrows waxed as and when needed, and I have helped her trim her bikini area - although I am wanting to find a way for her to safely do this alone, as I’m sure she’ll find my help intrusive soon.

My Mum never let me shave my legs. It didn't occur me at that age though, I think i was 13/14 when I stated making noise about it and she bought me Veet (Immac as it was back then). I have chopped and changed between Veet, shaving and a brief foray into wax strips over the years. I understand it's upsetting of she is self conscious about it but she's a child and these cosmetic things shouldn't be important to a child

These threads are always the same, anyone who had that dark hair pale skin combo understands it, and usually didn't have a parent who allowed them to, so is all for allowing it. The ones who frown on it probably never had a lot of hair, or it was just not as noticeable and they really can not understand how awful it is for a child when other children comment on it.

My DD is lucky that her leg hair is not as thick and dark as mine was as a child, but she did want to shave at 10 and I absolutely let her, and would have done sooner if she wanted.

I hated my leg hair and no one made comments to me about it - I just noticed it was different to pre-puberty and looked different to the other girls around me. It may genuinely just be that she doesn't like it. I would let her remove it. My mother didn't let me and it turned into a big thing for me. You don't want her refusing to wear shorts or skirts in the summer and being uncomfortable and self conscious. It won't set her on a one way path to acrylic nails and I'm not sure why some posters think that.

The question for me is: do we see posters saying that they wish they'd been allowed to shave earlier? Absolutely yes. There's loads on this thread alone.

Do we see posters saying they were allowed, but they wish they hadn't? I've not seen any to date - although people might pop up now I've said that!

This.

On a slightly different note, my child has a very large port wine stain birthmark on their face that they get lasered regularly (it grows back) to fade it. We started when they were at nursery because it's what the NHS offered us.
Was it an easy decision? No
Do I regret doing it in case she thinks she isn't beautiful how she was born? No
Would I have wanted my mum to have done the same for me if I had a big red birthmark on my face? Yes
Is my daughter traumatized and obsessed with beauty / being perfect? No
Does my daughter think she's not enough because she got her birthmark lasered? No

So much of it is about how you parent OP... You know your daughter best and she is not going to be traumatized or set off down a 'beauty is everything' path, just because you let her shave her legs at 9! And this poster is 100% correct - if you don't let her shave, she will forever remember the uncomfortable feelings she has, because no one has yet said they were glad that their mum didn't let them shave their legs when they reallllyyyy wanted to!

Yep. And those who are like, "i wouldn't allow it, you're teaching your daughter that she has to change, what message is that sending?"
I'm sending her the message that I get it, no, in an ideal world this wouldn't be a thing, but in this one it is, and I have got her back.

I'm not sure we can make comparisons to boob jobs and acrylic nails when probably the majority of women shave their legs at some point and these other things are a lot more niche!

My dd got her legs waxed first at 10, and a few years on she gets them done every 6 months, its amazing how its impacted the regrowth. She also gets her eyebrows waxed and says those are a lot sorer. Legs are a breeze.

I only started waxing myself (years of shaving) when I started taking her and I wish I'd waxed years ago as I can easily go 3 months now. So different to shaving weekly

Agree with most others on here. Fully support it and show how to do it properly.

my DD has done it since the age of 10, she hit puberty early. She has eyebrows waxed since start of year 7 (so 12 years old) and at the same time has bikini line waxes for holidays at the salon too. She's self conscious otherwise, suffers with lots of hair like I did (I went for proper laser hair removal) and if I can support her being more confident then why not.
If I wasn't prepared to lead the revolution on if I don't see why I'd expect my year 6/7/8 daughter to do it.

I know a few girls who are 10 but thekr parents give them hair removal cream to use in the shower instead of a shaver. Hope that helps.