To be so angry after watching "Love on the Spectrum"

[Jobs4kids]

As the parent of two high functioning young adults. Admittedly I only watched one episode (no wish to watch anymore) but was dismayed to see that all the autistic people featured were infantised and presumably picked for their entertainment value (awwww bless them). I actually watched it after overhearing a colleague say how funny it was.

I feel it's representative of just one type of autistic person - those that come across as frankly odd (for want of a better word), obviously autistic with terrible social skills, and who in many cases can't live independently/attend mainstream education. It's an extremely wide spectrum and many people with ASD, such as my kids, don't come across like that all! My son, while quite quiet, has an excellent job and interacts in public very normally (can be a bit quirky behind closed doors though!) My daughter is away at uni and comes across as very outgoing and socially able with a large circle of friends, including a few who are also high functioning ASD. Many of her newer friends don't know she's autistic (only brings it up if relevant to the conversation) and she says most she's told seem surprised, although one remarked "ah that's why you're so good at chess!". That's not to say being autistic doesn't cause her a lot of difficulty - she's an expert masker, which is why she wasn't diagnosed until nearly 18, and there are times she needs to go into hibernation as her social battery gets depleted as all the acting "normal" is incredibly exhausting. She also constantly worries about how she comes across, replaying interactions in her head and is prone to depression, anxiety and self harming (has started counselling to help manage all this). She can also meltdown in private. While she's not had a serious relationship as yet, she's had a lot of interest (no surprise, she's extremely attractive) and I worry some may be put off upon finding out she's autistic, especially after watching programmes like this!

I think it's a shame they don't also include people like my kids and some of their friends in the programme to demonstrate the vastness of the spectrum or it because they would make very boring TV as you couldn't laugh at them?!

Sorry for the rant but both my husband and myself were so cross after watching this and pray my kids don't see it!

No one including me has written anything that can by any means be described as goady or inflammatory. I wont respond to you further but will continue discussing the subject with other informed posters.

You do that.

It’s not a question of refusing to see the difference, it’s a matter of respecting the fact that everyone disabled has their own struggles and no two people with disability will be affected in exactly the same way. This isn’t disability top trumps. Yes, some people clearly are more severely impacted than others. But that doesn’t mean those less affected are privileged to be so, all it means is that they are less physically affected than others. It also doesn’t mean that they are less disadvantaged than someone more severely disabled, given that the disadvantage that comes with disability mainly arises from the barriers society imposes.

Exactly this!

Yes, you have. You applied the word ‘privilege’ to disability. It’s divisive and offensive and is basically playing disability top trumps. Disability is nuanced - those with less severe disability will face exactly the same disadvantages as those more severely disabled in many ways because of societal barriers.

In some ways they absolutely will be, because in many ways disadvantages disabled people experience are common to all levels of disability and are imposed by society. Google ‘social model of disability’. There are also many aspects that are common across many conditions, so what on the surface may look like a less severe disability sometimes isn’t. It’s just more severe in a different way. Disability top trumps is never a good look.

I am absolutely in no way as disadvantaged as someone more ill than me, it just isnt in contention or dispute.

''Privilege’, in this case, doesn’t mean that you have special advantages, it simply means that don’t have the disadvantages associated with [other marginalised identity]'
https://equality-diversity.ed.ac.uk/students/intersectionality

Being less disabled is a layer of privilege. Using the social model of disability that the other poster misunderstands shows us this because being less disabled means that you have more access to the world (I.e. the disabling world has created fewer barriers for you - in a relative way - to someone with a more severe disability).

Getting out of the theoretical, everyone instinctively knows that less disabled people have a layer of privilege than more disabled people. It is ludicrous that it needs explaining to people that children like the OP's who have a job and a degree have a privilege that adults who might, I don't know, slam their heads on the pavement in public do not.

How arrogant and patronising. She absolutely has called you out and rightly so. Privileged is not a term that should EVER be used to try and play disability top trumps. Sick of this term being misapplied. Your ableism is there for all to see.

" It also doesn’t mean that they are less disadvantaged than someone more severely disabled" 😂these people just don't get it! What more can possibly be said?

That’s your individual circumstance, and that’s fine. But it doesn’t qualify you to speak for everyone else. And it doesn’t apply across the board because not everyone disabled will experience exactly the same kind of disadvantage. As I said, it’s nuanced and much of the disadvantage is imposed by society’s attitudes to disability. The word privilege is entirely inappropriate when it comes to disability - it’s demeaning, divisive and offensive.

What people ? I’m disabled myself. Spina bifida. Doubly incontinent, in a wheelchair, one leg amputated and severe spinal issues. On top of that I have rheumatoid arthritis and a recent cancer diagnosis. I worked as a disability outreach worker for over two decades and there’s very little I haven’t seen. What is it that you think I don’t get ?

I absolutely agree that there are many people with many conditions which are much more severe than my own. But let me ask you a question. Given the very personal information I’ve just shared with you, would you honestly describe me as ‘privileged’ ? I’ve clarified what I meant by disadvantaged and shared a little of the social model of disability which explains the disadvantage shared by all disabled people because of societal attitudes. That’s what I meant by disadvantaged. It isn’t my fault you ‘don’t get it’.

And it’s my experience that posters use laughing emojis when they have no cogent argument.

ODFOD.
I'm Autistic, as are my DC, plus I am physically disabled.
I'm one of the least 'ableist' people I know.
Language evolves.

This. I’ve reported several of the posters here for some of the worst examples of ableism I’ve seen on MN for a long time - and that’s saying something.

Yep me too. Really shocking.

I know the social model very well.

"would you honestly describe me as ‘privileged’" No. I have my own much milder disabilities and in this situation would say that I have a privilege that you do not.

No, it doesn’t. Language is hijacked by the woke and turned into derogatory terminology. ‘Privilege’ means something entirely different than the context used here and has absolutely no place when describing various levels of disability. It’s ableist, divisive and offensive. As someone disabled you should know that.

Sounds like “I’m the least racist person I know but….”🙄

Then we agree to disagree. Privilege is not a word which should delineate levels of disability. Not knowing your condition, I would say that you are perhaps at marginally less disadvantage than myself. I would never describe you as having privilege because you are ‘less’ disabled. It’s divisive and smacks of disability top trumps.

Actually the social model demonstrates that when considering disadvantage, due to disability, it’s society which creates much of that disadvantage rather than the individual disability itself. The severity or otherwise is not the overriding factor - commonality of barriers is.

Can I ask a question ? And this is genuine and in no way designed to be goady or inflammatory. Do you think it’s possible to be black and have some privilege?

It is a TV programme. Love Island is a poor representation of the public, they're all extremely good looking with fantastic bodies.
Love on the spectrum is based around people struggling to find love due to their autism. You say your DD has plenty of offers so she doesn't fit the demographic. There's nothing stopping an autistic person going on a regular dating show. I don't watch them so I don't know, but I'd guess autistic people have been on regular dating shows.

I'm not the poster you asked but of course a black person can have privilege. It's not determined by one factor. Talent, intelligence, looks, charisma, age. People aren't defined solely by their race/disability.

It is actually extremely upsetting that in an ironic twist we are all being expected to unquestioningly accept that severely disabled people, who cannot talk, who cannot advocate for themselves, are no more disadvantaged, and in fact have exactly the same barriers (less even!) than significantly less disabled people otherwise we will be denounced as the ableist ones. Called disgusting. This double think is happening more and more frequently. We are being asked to deny what is in front of our very eyes.

It is not ableist to say there are layers of disadvantage, and yes, (relative) privilege. It is a privilege to be able to advocate for ourselves, it is a privilege to be able to attend to our own hygiene needs, it's a privilege we don't need two people (often large men) holding on to us almost all the time so we don't run in front of a car. It's absolutely harrowing that one poster kept claiming that more severely disabled autistic people / people with an LD have "high care" as an advantage even after being explained that this care (where it is received at all) often looks like being locked in a care home (see video posted). If you disagree: ableist. This means, what we're accepting for severely disabled, very vulnerable, people is just so low - crumbs - and we're expected to just say "well at least they get help, the ones who are really suffering are the less severely disabled". No. That is ableism.

And I've been at absolute pains to point out I am well aware that cognitively able autistic people can really struggle, and the ones who are suicidal, self harm, face severe distress etc ARE high needs, ARE severely disabled do need far more support. But that's not what OP was talking about.

Such a sad, sad state of affairs and further marginalising the most vulnerable members of our community.

Yes.