What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

[shehardlysleeps]

I’m in a reflective mood, and it’s got me thinking about something I did a few years ago which is probably the thing I’m most deeply ashamed of.

There was a coworker who really rubbed me up the wrong way. I was very unhappy at the time, and going through an awful time personally. She would make snide comments about me, do things with my family members (who were colleagues too) which really got my back up, I felt like she judged me harshly and was pretty rude. Along with another colleague they made three or four very nasty comments which still stick with me.

Instead of raising a grievance, which I should have done, I took to posting about her on another website (along the lines of Mumsnet), not realising she used it too. She saw the posts and reported me, and I ended up facing a meeting with HR and a senior partner of the firm I was working in. It damaged my reputation within the firm forever and I ended up leaving after not being offered a promotion. I still feel ashamed of it now, nearly half a decade on, and feel like it’s tarred me forever.

Whats the worst thing you’ve ever done?

I’ve posted this before. We used to have a rented TV in the 80s that you had to put 50p pieces in. When I was about 10 I broke into it with a knife and stole all the money. It was a fortune to my 10 year old self. I took all the kids in our street on the bus to the seaside for a day out.

Forty years on, my Mum still believes that we’d been burgled.

My husband used to pick his toenails and put the bits of nail on the arm rest of the sofa. So I put them in his mashed potato.

Ah, who remembers Fly Cemetery at school dinners! 🤣

It's only what he deserved! 🤷‍♀️

I too have found this to be a really helpful thread personally. Have spent 20 years beating myself up about certain events and even now think very negatively about some of my behaviours and it's been really useful to see that actually I'm not some unique horror.

I'd also agree with some PPs about the messages gained in childhood about what is acceptable/ moral and how it impacts the way I have behaved.

Would you ever reach out to him?

Amongst others but when i was early / mid 20s i dated a man who was effectively my best friend but unfortunately i didn’t fancy him at all.
He was so sweet; a geeky weedy type.
I bought him new clothes and made sure I did his hair for him before we went out. I bought him weights to get some muscles. If he didn’t do this stuff I would pick a fight. I picked fights with him over various random things and i kissed two other men on a girls holiday -I did tell him but he always forgave me everything.
I strung him on for almost 2 years before I finished things.
Life has a weird way of working things out and i heard from a mutual friend that he met a girl on a night out a couple of months later.
A bit of facebook stalking suggested she’s absolutely beautiful- way prettier than I was.
They’ve been together ever since.
This was 16/17 years ago and I’m ashamed of myself, I have grown up a lot.

I had a nasty, sexually abusive relationship in my late teens/early 20s, and in my mid 20s after breaking up with him I went through a really horrible time mentally, and slept with people just because I could, because they wanted me, and because for once I was in control of sex rather than being forced. Not an excuse btw - but a reason.

Two of the people were in relationships. One of them had small kids and I was friends with his wife.

I can't tell you enough how much the mentally stable version of me is against cheating. It's more than a decade ago, and I feel disgusted at myself. I hate women who do what I did. They were much older men as well, and I loved that they were so flattered and grateful.

I have tried so hard to be a better person since and, for what it's worth, I've never cheated on a partner.

I told a man I was pregnant when I wasn’t, to desperately try to get him back.

One of the things that’s stayed with me happened when I was 16. I was doing a GNVQ course in sixth form. I really wasn’t getting a lot from the course and was there mainly for the social side and if I’m honest I was lazy. I fell behind with a large amount of my coursework. Instead of admitting it I insisted that I had done it left it on my teacher’s desk weeks ago. When she said she couldn’t find it, I pretended I was really upset that she’d lost it. I even convinced a friend to back me up that she saw me put it on her desk I wasn’t made to do again. She was a nice teacher just a bit ditsy always had a messy full desk. I think that’s how I got away with it. Anyway she ended up going off sick for months. I think I might have been the straw that broke the camels back. It was a horrible thing to do and must of caused her so much stress looking for this non existent coursework.

The one that haunts me is not standing up for a woman when she needed me.

I paid someone to put a voodoo spell of banishment on two of my neighbours. One died of a heart attack (had a history f heart problems) and the other developed dementia. Both very effective forms of banishment.

3 things looking at this from different viewpoints:

1. Stole a laptop from work. I quit the job and just never returned it.

2. Moved to a new town and went out with new workmates the first weekend. Got absolutely plastered. One of their friends offered to let me sleep in her spare bedroom (next door to the pub), as I had no way otherwise to get home. Agreed. 2 minutes after laying down vomited all over her fluffy white guest room - she had shag carpets, about 100 teddy bears, it was all picture perfect. Then I passed out and woke up to the smell/mess from hell. The shame makes my heart skip a beat to this day.

3. Gave myself hearing loss and horrible tinnitus from a totally avoidable situation and one I regret every single day. Maybe this is karma for #1 and 2!

When I was 5 I pulled the wings off a butterfly to see if it would grow new ones. It didn't. It died

I feel exactly the same. I basically brought myself up

Slightly different take here, but I think lifelong hatred of myself is probably the worst thing I have ever done. It started at around 10 and has driven some generally reckless, selfish, chaotic behaviour, over the years.

These days I go totally overboard on volunteering and charity work to try and make amends, but I’m convinced everyone knows I am a total prick. Not sure how I got to this point.

A few.

• I was a bully when I was younger. The kind of bully who is domineering, bossy and insisted on getting my own way every time. Never physical, I never called names etc and at the time definitely didn’t consider myself a bully. But looking back I can see that that’s what I was and I’m so so ashamed. I’d apologised to the girl involved but nothing will change what I did.
• on a primary school trip my friend (different to the one above) bought a magnet from the souvenir shop that I liked. I stole it and when she panicked that she’d lost it I showed her ‘mine’ - I told her I’d run back to the gift shop when she wasn’t looking and bought my own. She very sensibly distanced herself from me after that and I really missed her friendship but didn’t know how to make things right (I was about 8). It’s one of my very big regrets.
• I’ve slept with a guy knowing he had a girlfriend. I was single and I justified it by telling myself that it wasn’t me who was cheating, it was him.

I was friends with a bunch of ladies, we all had babies the same year. I asked for some advice from a parenting online group because I was debating doing something with DS1. Several ladies said they couldn’t understand doing it, which confused the situation for me, so I asked on the group if they thought it was a good idea or no. Long story short, one of the ladies found out I had asked and because the responses had been vicious towards their opinion, was very offended and upset that I had even asked about it. She showed the other women, and they decided they no longer wished to be friends. I am still suffering the consequences (aka depression and anxiety) over 12 years later.

I’m another one who doesn’t feel an ounce of guilt. What’s bad about it?!

I look back very, very fondly at my wild years. I only wish they were even wilder 😅

This is a bit gross so beware, and still embarrassing to even type!

When I was about 12 I was on a family holiday with my dad, who I rarely saw at the time. We were out at a restaurant with his side of the family. I went to the toilet and was horrified to discover that my period had not ended like I thought a few days before. I was totally caught short, no pads and white trousers (never again). I had to waddle out and ask my fairly estranged dad for money for the sanitary towel machine in front of the rest of the family. He got flustered and very loudly said "I thought that was over now!". Gave me a coin and I went back to the bathroom. Only, I couldn't read the language on the machine and I didn't realise it only sold tampons. I had never seen a tampon before, when I opened the packet I thought it was a pad that folded out. Spent about 45 minutes trying to do that before my dad started banging the door saying we had to leave. In my desperation, I opened the sanitary bin and took out someone else's VERY used pad to put in my underwear. I never told anyone and spent the next few months convinced I must have contracted HIV. 😭

Lots of us have been caught out at some stage whether people want to admit it or not. In my own case I had to go in an open newspaper as a relative with limited mobility was using the bathroom and it was either that or shit myself. It’s not a morally bad thing so no shame in it.

I had a poo in the en-suite once

Pissed myself on a bus and pretended I’d spilled a bottle of water (it was a 1.30min bus ride with 1 bus per hour!)

Was sick on a train and also pretended to have spilled a drink

carried on texting a guy I met on a night out every time DH annoys me

Put DHs toothbrush in toilet before this

Ate my kids Easter egg

My daughter graduated 2 years ago. She's shy and very quiet and she struggled to find a job. I' was worried about her and wanted her settled. In the meantime, I got her working in my admin team at work in a local authority via an agency. I manage the admin team though don't directly line manage them. Weird set up but worked out perfectly.

I knew that a new role was being created which is a higher grade than the admin officers in my team. I gave my daughter full access to restricted areas meant for senior management and trained her fully in my role and also in everything for the new role. I wrote the job description tailoring it to the tasks my daughter does and to her strengths. The admin team only knew about it 6m before it was signed off. They requested to see the JD but were refused.

I fobbed off any requests for training from the admin officers in my team only focussing on my daughter's development. Poor things, asked so many times, lol. The job was advertised and my daughter obviously got it..She is now a senior member of my team and we work alongside each other.

The job is pretty good and will probably set her up for life in a very nice department in a good field. When I retire, she will take on my work.

I simultaneously love this thread, and hate it because it has made me think about all the horrible things I have done. Starting with when I was six and wrongly let Philip Day take the blame for us talking about my broken purple crayon when we were forbidden to talk.