What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

[shehardlysleeps]

I’m in a reflective mood, and it’s got me thinking about something I did a few years ago which is probably the thing I’m most deeply ashamed of.

There was a coworker who really rubbed me up the wrong way. I was very unhappy at the time, and going through an awful time personally. She would make snide comments about me, do things with my family members (who were colleagues too) which really got my back up, I felt like she judged me harshly and was pretty rude. Along with another colleague they made three or four very nasty comments which still stick with me.

Instead of raising a grievance, which I should have done, I took to posting about her on another website (along the lines of Mumsnet), not realising she used it too. She saw the posts and reported me, and I ended up facing a meeting with HR and a senior partner of the firm I was working in. It damaged my reputation within the firm forever and I ended up leaving after not being offered a promotion. I still feel ashamed of it now, nearly half a decade on, and feel like it’s tarred me forever.

Whats the worst thing you’ve ever done?

Took drugs, had sex with people I shouldn’t have had sex with, racked up debt, told loads of stupid lies, was cruel when I could have been kind. I am not proud of any of these things but I do forgive myself and I try to be a much better person now. I wasn’t in a good place and I’ve learnt from it.

I went through a phase of being a bully at school to impress and stay in with the popular kids group.

I didn’t do anything especially nasty or physical, but generally being a bitch and acting like I was too good to speak to or be associated with the ‘unpopular’ kids.

I had a quick hard reality check when a new boy came to school with bandaged wrists after being bullied at a previous school and it makes and will always make me feel extremely uncomfortable with myself when I reflect back on my time as a bully. I ended up making a few apologies, drifted from my friendship group and became very ‘middle man’. I can’t change my previous actions and it haunts me. I have a daughter now and the thought of her being nasty to any of her peers makes my stomach churn.

Following on with the theme, I peed in a nappy once. We were stuck in a traffic jam and I was desperate. I don’t think it was the worst thing though, I actually thought it was ingenious

When I was younger, about 13/14, I still think about it to this day. One of my best mates, we got on fantastically but sometimes he’d really wind me up, and this one particular day he’d been winding me up all day, like I mean non stop, anyway we were out with 2 other mates and he just wouldn’t leave up, non stop and then he said something about my ex bf who was my other boy best mate and I just lost it and said to him, ‘At least my mum didn’t have a miscarriage’ I still remember the look on his face, our other friends hadn’t known, I instantly regretted it. He didn’t talk to me for about a week, even after I’d apologised empteen times. One of my biggest regrets, I have no idea why I even said it. We were back to normal after we made up but I often think about it and it actually makes me cringe.

When I was 6 there used this very mean lady in our building. I don’t remember why I so strongly disliked her but I just remember she was extremely unpleasant and would yell and be all rude for no reason

anyway we were moving abroad and were supposed to be leaving next day.

I was walking past her flat and see a suitcase. I dont remember what it was doing there, maybe drying?

so I think this lady needs to be punished. I remember hearing her to someone that it was expensive. I’m leaving tomorrow so who cares.

this is the perfect opportunity.

so I steal her suitcase. Make sure no one sees me.

hide this suitcase few floors down under some plants

enjoy watching her all upset and panic

plan kind of backfired though because she began accusing random neighbours of stealing it and screaming at them. Keeps shouting that suitcase costs more than your life!!!

I didn’t want innocent people to take blame so when she went inside I guess to call police? I quickly and quietly brought it back and put it back where it was

she was very confused

So many. Aged 14 I used to get followed by men in cars when walking my dog early evening. I got in the car with one and we had some heavy petting. Then went home .

I used to steal a lot too .

Got into fights .

Not proud of it.

Was my friend’s husband’s exit affair.

The “normal” taking drugs (coke a whole load of coke)

But the most guilt is arguments, I didn't tend to start them but holy shit I finished them…straight for the jugular every time, if I knew it would hurt I would say it, and there was no level of hell too deep.

Drove whilst high as a kite on cannabis.

I was young, and would never do it again.

I stopped DP from singing.

DP has an awful voice. Actually, that's not really true. DP has a perfectly nice voice, she's just utterly tone deaf. I used to quite often hear her singing to herself and think "That's quite nice", and then ask her what it was and it'd be some song that I know, but there's no way I'd have recognised it from what she was singing. The tempo is wrong, the notes are wrong, the words are often wrong too. If she's singing along to something, or along with other people, then oh god it's painful, she can make a room of people all fail to sing Happy Birthday because they're all trying to somehow get in sync with her. Basically, there's something in between her brain and her voice that is just utterly broken.

And this intrigued me. I like weird brain stuff. I've got aphantasia and face blindness and its so weird knowing that everyone has this superpower that I don't, and that I and most of humanity have one that DP just doesn't have. So I'd talk about it lots, it made me laugh in the same way it makes DP laugh when I desperately struggle to work out who I'm talking to, only to realise half an hour later it was my Step brother. I'd gleefully tell people about DPs singing. It wasn't mean, at least it wasn't meant to be. I loved her, and part of what I loved about her is this utter inability to do something that to me seemed so basic.

And then one day we were in the car and a song DP loves came on the radio. And I realised DP wasn't singing along to it. And then I realised I hadn't heard her sing anything in months.

"You don't sing any more."
"No, I don't"

We sat in silence for a minute, while the sheer horribleness of what I'd done sunk in, and then the apologies started. I must have gone on for 15 minutes or so, apologising profusely, telling her how bad I felt, how I never wanted her to stop singing, begging her to not stop on account of me.

And she accepted my apology. But she didn't start singing again. That was a decade ago, and it's only been in the last 6 months or so that I've caught her singing. At first when she thought noone could hear her, and more recently when we've been in the car together. I've not said a word. I don't dare, in case it stops her again.

We have a wonderful relationship. I adore her, and she claims to adore me. We have the sort of relationship I'd be intensely jealous of if I wasn't in it. But I will always be the man who stopped DP from singing, and thats something I will never forgive myself for.

I was angry at my mother for telling me off and torn some of her work papers

That’s brutal. Way worse than having an affair or pooing outside!

You must have been in a really bad place to have done that and I can imagine when it all came out you must have felt horrendous. I hope you’re doing better now xx

What kind of guidance do you think you needed? I’m only asking because I have myself down some shameful things in my past that still haunt me and know k have a daughter myself to want to guide her as best as I can into knowing how to react or not be peer pressured into doing something.

As a student, I worked in a pub where a regular complained about me loudly and rudely for putting 5ml too much lemonade in his lager top. He came in a couple of days later for pie and chips. I emptied the contents of the kitchen insect zapper into the pie filling, stirred, puff pastry top, in the oven, parsley sprinkle and served with a beatific smile.

I fleetingly worried that he might die, but it passed (and he didn’t).

As an ex employee at said shop I can 100% confirm none of the staff would have cared.

I put hair removal cream in my exs shampoo- I don’t regret that!

Ha that's why they went bust,,,

Or maybe not ... 🤔

The worst thing I've ever done that I'm willing to post on the Internet is what I did to my poor mum when I was a kid.

She had this ugly little brass imp ornament and I kept moving it about and denying it. Creeped her the fuck out so she threw it away. I got it out of the bin and put it back. She freaked out, threw it away, I would go through the bins and hang onto it waiting for the perfect moment to put it back. I thought her freaking out was funny. I was young and didn't understand that she was genuinely scared and convinced something supernatural/ demonic was going on.

I confessed years later. She was as mad as hell but also relieved.

Looking back it was a horrible thing to do, but at the time I thought it was funny.

I’m sure the bird has forgiven you up past the Rainbow Bridge. You were only a baby yourself.

So many. Aged 14 I used to get followed by men in cars when walking my dog early evening. I got in the car with one and we had some heavy petting. Then went home .

You are not the bad person here.

Oops. Your poor Mum. I'd have been shitting myself!!

Best one.

I'm old now, so I've done many bad things.

On one memorable occasion I peed in the flower planter on the rooftop of a church in Catania, Sicily.
It was cold and dark, and I was desperate...