Page 27 | What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

shehardlysleeps · 2026-04-20T16:18:51+00:00

I’m in a reflective mood, and it’s got me thinking about something I did a few years ago which is probably the thing I’m most deeply ashamed of. There was a coworker who really rubbed me up the wrong way. I was very unhappy at the time, and going through an awful time personally. She would make snide comments about me, do things with my family members (who were colleagues too) which really got my back up, I felt like she judged me harshly and was pretty rude. Along with another colleague they made three or four very nasty comments which still stick with me. Instead of raising a grievance, which I should have done, I took to posting about her on another website (along the lines of Mumsnet), not realising she used it too. She saw the posts and reported me, and I ended up facing a meeting with HR and a senior partner of the firm I was working in. It damaged my reputation within the firm forever and I ended up leaving after not being offered a promotion. I still feel ashamed of it now, nearly half a decade on, and feel like it’s tarred me forever. Whats the worst thing you’ve ever done?

PullingOutHair123 · Today 11:32

SerafinasGoose · Yesterday 14:41

I've never assaulted or abused anyone, so don't get to claim a 'worst' in that way. But my own personal worsts are things I'm so ashamed of that I have never talked about them before, other than in therapy. The most serious were either sins of omission, or issues stemming from screwed up boundaries and attachment style (some terrible things were done to me in childhood; I have cPTSD) which hurt others and ruined some of my earlier relationships.

Then I lost my mum - my anchor; I had an abusive father - to a highly aggressive brain cancer when I was in my 20s. She, I and my DB were all NC with my father. At that point I wasn't a child, but caring for a terminally ill patient was beyond my remit at that age and I quickly found myself (as the female child) the one with the bulk of the responsibility.

I didn't have time to fuck that up. She died within mere weeks of the first symptoms presenting themselves, and we were as close as a mother and daughter could be. Nothing was left unsaid and I'm not left with guilt about not loving her as much as I could whilst she was still alive. But after that happened - my aunt had died 18 months before and my maternal grandparents therefore outlived both their children - my grandfather developed dementia - unclocked by me at first as I was dealing with other things. He went quite literally off his head with grief. This was around 4 years before his actual death and whilst I did my best I'm not at all sure I supported him as well as I might have. I had bills to pay and other sick family members to care for.

In the interim, my grandmother already had MND when my mother was diagnosed, and went into a decline after her death. It really was the worst thing I've ever witnessed: such a cruel disease. By the end she was begging to die. She wanted me to help her. I think my mother might have (She died 6 months to the day before my grandmother) but I stalled. I'd never heard of Dignitas at that age, and couldn't have afforded it if I had. And I couldn't raise a hand against her to help her, even though I knew that was what she wanted. I was afraid of facing a murder charge. So I discovered something about myself that I never previously knew: that when the chips are down, I'm a coward.

I've lived with that knowledge ever since and never been able to dispel the guilt.

It's been 23 years.

Fuck me - you have more courage than I do ten fold to cope with all of that at a young age.

From a stranger on the internet - you ain't a coward.

And anyone who says that they could easily assist a loved one to die has never been in the position of being asked.

One very large unmumsnetty hug!

ScrollingLeaves · Today 11:34

UnctuousUnicorns · Today 11:27

No, you and he are just responsible for her unknowingly living a lie for the past 27+ years, because neither you nor he had/have the guts to tell her the truth and let her decide what path she wants to take after finding out that she's married to a cheating scumbag. Bravo.

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You don’t know the stress he was under. Have some compassion. The 27 happy years he and his wife went on to have shows it was right that that bad mistake was moved on from without her having to suffer more.

UnctuousUnicorns · Today 11:39

ScrollingLeaves · Today 11:34

You don’t know the stress he was under. Have some compassion. The 27 happy years he and his wife went on to have shows it was right that that bad mistake was moved on from without her having to suffer more.

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I have every compassion for her, knowing that those 27 years of "happiness" are built on a house of cards, not on truth, honesty and integrity.

More excuses for poor "stressed" blokes, I see. 🙄

ainsleysanob · Today 11:55

ScrollingLeaves · Today 11:34

You don’t know the stress he was under. Have some compassion. The 27 happy years he and his wife went on to have shows it was right that that bad mistake was moved on from without her having to suffer more.

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Stress of what? IVF? I had many many cycles of IVF and always managed to keep my Fanny under wraps from marauding ‘flirtatious’ (easy) people. He was just an arsehole. As are you.

Loomis · Today 12:02

ainsleysanob · Today 11:55

Stress of what? IVF? I had many many cycles of IVF and always managed to keep my Fanny under wraps from marauding ‘flirtatious’ (easy) people. He was just an arsehole. As are you.

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I know on MN anyone who has ever had an affair is an evil person incapable of any form of redemption, but IRL plenty of people have affairs who are not irredeemably evil, but for myriad different reasons, and they do stay together and do have good relationships.

Everything is so black and white on this website, it's tedious.

And no, I have never had an affair!

TheDehumidifierNeedsEmptying · Today 12:10

The second worst thing I’ve ever done was hit an elderly lady with my car.

YessicaHaircut · Today 12:24

In my 20s I cheated on a boyfriend with his cousin. I’m still really ashamed of myself. He found out later and to be honest I’m glad he knows. To be fair it wasn’t a great relationship and he (later) was unfaithful too. Both happily married now, to other people, and are pretty civil when we run into each other.

Gardenalia · Today 12:30

Britainisgreat · Today 09:27

I got an Indian family deported. They'd come for a wedding on a 6 month visa but overstayed. She was rude to me, called me lazy so I took revenge. Rang the cop shop. Cops and immigration went at 6am and took them to a detention centre then flown back home.

Edited

Foul

cheekynamechang3 · Today 12:31

Tredadt · Today 07:39

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@Differentforgirls @ComfyKnickers @Livpool @Ihateboris @Newyearawaits @ainsleysanob @BluebelllsRosesDaffodills odills @Yeseyeam @thepariscrimefiles @vanillachoc

Wow, I'm shocked at the utter vitriol and wishes and hopes my daughter fails. To clarify a few things. Firstly this is absolutely true and like someone pointed out, nepotism isn't illegal. Someone even mentioned that it's common in the NHS too. I did nothing wrong. Yes, I trained my daughter up and withheld training from other staff. However, my daughter is very bright. She got a first at university. With a little help from me, she picked it all up really quickly and is doing really well in the role. She isn't lazy or a failure.

When she came here after uni as a temp, I didn't create a master plan about this. I didn't even know about the job until a few months after she started. She was really struggling to find a job. As mentioned previously, she's shy and lacks confidence. She struggled to fit in at secondary school and although uni was a lot better, it had it's own issues. She really struggles with her communication skills. The team are lovely and really friendly and always try to include her. In any other places, id worry she'd get picked on. Here, they are nice and she's under my watchful eye so I know she'll be okay. I suspect she might be on the spectrum. She works hard and this job was perfect for her- doing isolated work on her own working with spreadsheets and data without having to communicate much with people.

If you are parents, I'm sure you'd understand. I'm just worried about her and wanted her settled. It so happened that the overall team manager went in long term sick and subsequently retired, so an opportunity arose where I could train my daughter on senior level work. It's almost like all the stars just aligned. I just wanted her settled in a job. She already struggles in so many areas in her life and I didn't want her struggling in work too.

As for writing the JD, yes it went through all the HR processes but in the absence of the team manager, the HoD asked me to draw something up as he obviously doesn't have a clue about the tasks. I wrote it up and he added a couple of things and signed it off to HR as though he had written it. I wasn't involved in the recruitment/ shortlisting or interview.

I hope this sheds some light on things, it's not always so cut and dry when people do terrible things.

Also to add, it wasn't from me to refuse the rest of the team to see the JD. This was a decision made by the HoD.

Edited

tough shit, I had a hard time in secondary school. Guess what, I had to lump it. And no I wouldn't do this for my own children because I'm a decent, honest person.

Can't believe you justify this. Give your head a massive wobble.

Itmustbenice · Today 12:32

hellomylov3 · Today 03:18

Your poor friend was probably on here asking why she was ghosted by her friend after giving birth!

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I didn't actually ghost her. I just became distant and then moved away (ran away I suppose) and didn't keep in touch. She must have thought it was very strange as I kept in touch with the rest of the group.

I'll never ever forgive myself, trust me.

ainsleysanob · Today 12:36

Loomis · Today 12:02

I know on MN anyone who has ever had an affair is an evil person incapable of any form of redemption, but IRL plenty of people have affairs who are not irredeemably evil, but for myriad different reasons, and they do stay together and do have good relationships.

Everything is so black and white on this website, it's tedious.

And no, I have never had an affair!

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I don’t actually think people who have affairs are evil at all. I do think they’re arseholes though and use any wank reason to excuse their behaviour. He didn’t have an affair because he was stressed, he had an affair because he wanted to insert his cock into a vagina that didn’t belong to the wife that was pumping herself full of drugs in an attempt to give him a family. Let’s not dress this example of an affair up to be anything else other than selfish scum acting like selfish scum.

Katemax82 · Today 12:39

CaptainMyCaptain · Yesterday 14:44

You did the right thing.

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I still hate making kids cry...

Katemax82 · Today 12:45

HeadDeskHeadDesk · Yesterday 17:33

What on earth are you doing or saying that makes 9 different people want to fight you? It's all very well saying you were defending yourself, but regardless of who threw the first punch, the fact you have been in that many fights at all sort of suggests you are a bit of a fucking nightmare.

You say the only person you threw the first punch at was really antagonising you. So did you really antagonise all those other people?

As someone who has managed to get to 60 years of age without ever punching anyone or having anyone punch me, I find it staggering that some people live like this.

Edited to say: just realised these were all when you were a teenager, so perhaps not as bad as I first thought, but even so...

Edited

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My husband has been in 30...he's very punchable

AttentionPlease · Today 12:47

thepariscrimefiles · Today 09:53

Your actions may not have been illegal but they are certainly immoral and you probably broke employment law, I would imagine that your conduct during the recruitment and interview process would be considered to be gross misconduct if your managers find out what you have done.

Training your daughter up is fine. Witholding training from other staff certainly is not.

If your daughter is as bright as you say, why couldn't you help her with her application and her interview technique without breaking employment law in the way you actively sabotaged a level playing field for staff other than your daughter? If she is so clever, surely she would have got the job without your nepotistic and deceitful behaviour?

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I think this didn't happen. I think @Tredadt is fantasising, because she actually thinks she's produced a substandard child who can't cope in the world, and this is her Walter Mittying to compensate.

Fernticket · Today 13:50

SerafinasGoose · Yesterday 14:41

I've never assaulted or abused anyone, so don't get to claim a 'worst' in that way. But my own personal worsts are things I'm so ashamed of that I have never talked about them before, other than in therapy. The most serious were either sins of omission, or issues stemming from screwed up boundaries and attachment style (some terrible things were done to me in childhood; I have cPTSD) which hurt others and ruined some of my earlier relationships.

Then I lost my mum - my anchor; I had an abusive father - to a highly aggressive brain cancer when I was in my 20s. She, I and my DB were all NC with my father. At that point I wasn't a child, but caring for a terminally ill patient was beyond my remit at that age and I quickly found myself (as the female child) the one with the bulk of the responsibility.

I didn't have time to fuck that up. She died within mere weeks of the first symptoms presenting themselves, and we were as close as a mother and daughter could be. Nothing was left unsaid and I'm not left with guilt about not loving her as much as I could whilst she was still alive. But after that happened - my aunt had died 18 months before and my maternal grandparents therefore outlived both their children - my grandfather developed dementia - unclocked by me at first as I was dealing with other things. He went quite literally off his head with grief. This was around 4 years before his actual death and whilst I did my best I'm not at all sure I supported him as well as I might have. I had bills to pay and other sick family members to care for.

In the interim, my grandmother already had MND when my mother was diagnosed, and went into a decline after her death. It really was the worst thing I've ever witnessed: such a cruel disease. By the end she was begging to die. She wanted me to help her. I think my mother might have (She died 6 months to the day before my grandmother) but I stalled. I'd never heard of Dignitas at that age, and couldn't have afforded it if I had. And I couldn't raise a hand against her to help her, even though I knew that was what she wanted. I was afraid of facing a murder charge. So I discovered something about myself that I never previously knew: that when the chips are down, I'm a coward.

I've lived with that knowledge ever since and never been able to dispel the guilt.

It's been 23 years.

You have Nothing to be guilty about. You had such a huge amount on your plate. It would have been an immense amount to deal with for someone older, but you were so young. You were not a coward, thinking has changed on assisted death now, but back then you may well have faced a murder charge. I'm willing to bet that your Gran would not have wanted that for you.
Easy for me to say I know, but please don't beat yourself up for this.💐💐

Jumbledpie · Today 13:57

I haven't ruminated over my past misdeeds in years but this thread now has me thinking of all the bad things that I have ever done and wondering if I'm an awful person!

When I was 15 and on a school trip to Paris, we were sitting on the subway. I was sitting beside my ex-boyfriend who I had recently split up with and for some inexplicable reason I skelped the big burly bald man standing in front of us across the back of the head. When he turned around, furious, I pointed to my ex-boyfriend and said it was him then jumped off at the next stop leaving my ex to try to talk down this angry French man, when he didng speak any French.

A few years later when I was 18, I went on a date with a guy. Towards the end of the date I started getting tired and called it a night and he started getting really angry and verbally aggressive with me. I went home and he messaged asking me out again and I declined, but I was nice about it. The next night he came into the bar I worked, ordered a drink and downed it and then threw the glass really hard at my head. I ducked and it missed, hitting the wall behind me and smashing everywhere, the bouncers then dragged him out (should have called the police but no idea why we didnt). A couple of weeks later he came back in when the bouncers were off. Him and his friends ordered some pizzas before we realised he was there so once we did the manager came up to me with a sausage and said, "either I can kick him out or you can take this sausage for his pizza and do whatever you like with it". I took the sausage but I'm not saying what I did to it!
After he had his pizza he came and apologised. I don't feel bad about it.

CoffeeCantata · Today 14:05

Yes, I trained my daughter up and withheld training from other staff. However, my daughter is very bright. She got a first at university. With a little help from me, she picked it all up really quickly and is doing really well in the role. She isn't lazy or a failure.

Lots of people's daughters are shy and get firsts (firsts aren't what they used to be...). All most people's daughters need is a leg-up, or the door opening for them and they'd be brilliant at their jobs.

What you did was wrong, corrupt and incredibly selfish. I bet your team know exactly what you did. Imagine being one of those poor people, begging you as their manager for training, hoping to get a promotion, and you LOLed and made sure they didn't? Of all the confessions here I find yours the most disgusting - and I use that word deliberately - I felt nauseous reading your post.

Nepotism is morally wrong, and you ought to know that. No, as parents I don't think many people on here would understand - in fact most of us are horrified that such behaviour can happen in 2026, which in fact damages the life-chances of OUR children. So appealing to us 'as parents' is a dumb move.

How does your daughter feel about what you did? Does she know? How do your team (Poor things, as you call them so smugly) feel about it?

But whatever you did, the most depressing aspect of it is your inability to see the seriousness of it and to show not only no remorse but actual glee.

I've been really upset by your post as a parent.

rainbowunicorn22 · Today 14:13

Living in a homeless hostel i was so desperate for food and no money i did use to take things from shops. if its any better i used to go to International the supermarket that was and take reduced sandwiches and yoghurts
In the same vein i have done sex acts for money would not now but at the time I needed money to live on saying sex acts it was only a hand job
i had to leave and my children go to a foster mum who was also a friend i broke down totally and was coerced by a dangerous nasty man who put me through two years of hell i only said temporary for the kids similar to staying with a grandparent for a short while but because i was so all over the place this bastard took advantage and I had no contact with anyone for over 2 years. in that time he knocked my teeth out, he knew i had a bad phobia about certain foods so used to delight forcing food down my throat until i would vomit then he would make me re eat it, shove me face first into a plate of hot stew, so many other things. i cry everyday about losing my kids and the lovely home we had.
leaving the darling little cottage i had i was so rude to my sister who tried to help and wish now i had listened to her
i regret my life from being sexually abused at 5 years to the life i have now

Beachforever · Today 14:14

Tredadt · Today 07:39

@x2boys @cheekynamechang3 @ThatCyanCat @Momlife86 @CoffeeCantata @Jellybelly80 @calanaiscailleach @UnctuousUnicorns @mjf981 @365RubyRed @Dragonscaledaisy @ChiliFiend @Allseeingallknowing @Jellybelly80 @Hernameisdeborah
@Differentforgirls @ComfyKnickers @Livpool @Ihateboris @Newyearawaits @ainsleysanob @BluebelllsRosesDaffodills odills @Yeseyeam @thepariscrimefiles @vanillachoc

Wow, I'm shocked at the utter vitriol and wishes and hopes my daughter fails. To clarify a few things. Firstly this is absolutely true and like someone pointed out, nepotism isn't illegal. Someone even mentioned that it's common in the NHS too. I did nothing wrong. Yes, I trained my daughter up and withheld training from other staff. However, my daughter is very bright. She got a first at university. With a little help from me, she picked it all up really quickly and is doing really well in the role. She isn't lazy or a failure.

When she came here after uni as a temp, I didn't create a master plan about this. I didn't even know about the job until a few months after she started. She was really struggling to find a job. As mentioned previously, she's shy and lacks confidence. She struggled to fit in at secondary school and although uni was a lot better, it had it's own issues. She really struggles with her communication skills. The team are lovely and really friendly and always try to include her. In any other places, id worry she'd get picked on. Here, they are nice and she's under my watchful eye so I know she'll be okay. I suspect she might be on the spectrum. She works hard and this job was perfect for her- doing isolated work on her own working with spreadsheets and data without having to communicate much with people.

If you are parents, I'm sure you'd understand. I'm just worried about her and wanted her settled. It so happened that the overall team manager went in long term sick and subsequently retired, so an opportunity arose where I could train my daughter on senior level work. It's almost like all the stars just aligned. I just wanted her settled in a job. She already struggles in so many areas in her life and I didn't want her struggling in work too.

As for writing the JD, yes it went through all the HR processes but in the absence of the team manager, the HoD asked me to draw something up as he obviously doesn't have a clue about the tasks. I wrote it up and he added a couple of things and signed it off to HR as though he had written it. I wasn't involved in the recruitment/ shortlisting or interview.

I hope this sheds some light on things, it's not always so cut and dry when people do terrible things.

Also to add, it wasn't from me to refuse the rest of the team to see the JD. This was a decision made by the HoD.

Edited

Maybe not illegal but pretty sure it would be a sackable offence, for you and your DD.

I’m a parent. I’m also a senior director and shareholder of a large Group. DH is senior partner of a law firm. If our children struggle to get a graduate role then we will help them with their CV, we will likely use our contacts to try to get them some work experience, possibly try and help them get their CV in front of the right people, take them along to networking events, introduce them to people.

But what we will never do is give them a job. That is just not great parenting.

ScrollingLeaves · Today 14:21

UnctuousUnicorns · Today 11:39

I have every compassion for her, knowing that those 27 years of "happiness" are built on a house of cards, not on truth, honesty and integrity.

More excuses for poor "stressed" blokes, I see. 🙄

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Both of them will have been through very difficult times. Then they were happy.

Fernticket · Today 14:54

SerafinasGoose · Yesterday 17:20

I'm so sorry. I know how these things can haunt a person.

These are entirely matters of chance. No one can be there 24/7. Eventually we have to use the bathroom, shower, change, eat. Having spent day in, day out, in a hot, airless hospital room with the cloying presence of mortal illness, I know just how precious a breath of fresh air and a 5-minute break in the garden can be. It's the only place I wanted to be, there in that room with my mum, yet conversely, it was also the place I wanted to run screaming from. DB and I alternated so that somebody was there with our mother as often as possible. We did it in shifts. And still neither of us was there when she died.

One of my mum's most strongly stated wishes was that, contrary to most people's wishes to die at home, she wanted to be in hospital. She'd been staying at my home or her own place with my brother, and I don't think she wanted to leave us with those memories. I also believe she didn't want us to see her die. When it happened I'd left an hour or so ago to spend that night at home and my brother had just gone to sleep in an adjoining room. The kind nurse looking after her said that whether or not a dying patient is still aware no one can tell, but this often happens as soon as they are alone. It's something she had seen a lot.

This will sound trite, but we all ultimately die alone. Your mother will have known what you meant to each other in life, and this is what matters.

Please be kinder to yourself. You wouldn't do this to a friend: please don't do it to yourself. It could have happened at any moment; none of us have control over this.

Condolences on the loss of your mum. It's a pain like no other. ❤

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This is a lovely, thoughtful post.

OliveToboogie · Today 14:58

I am an Alcoholic in my younger years I drank very heavily. I am now sober was in a toxic marriage instead of getting a divorce I had a few ONS. I bitterly regret my behaviour and still feel ashamed. My ex and I split and tbh we are now better friends than when we were together .

Allseeingallknowing · Today 15:08

TheDehumidifierNeedsEmptying · Today 12:10

The second worst thing I’ve ever done was hit an elderly lady with my car.

What happened? Did she survive? Were you punished?

tooashamed26 · Today 15:09

Wow this thread has genuinely given me the strength to drop the guilt about my very minor very silly heat of the moment mistake in my youth- some of these are genuinely disgusting, as well as pre-meditated and retold with pride.

Thanks, I guess???

TheDehumidifierNeedsEmptying · Today 15:45

Allseeingallknowing · Today 15:08

What happened? Did she survive? Were you punished?

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Don’t know and no I wasn’t.