Wedding guests

[sarah0106]

getting Married next year, I’ve not seen my uncle auntie and 2 cousins in 7+ years.
I was going to invite to evening part but people are saying this isn’t right and because there family they should be there the whole thing.
AIBU to stand my ground and invite only to night time

I don’t think you’re unreasonable. I got married last year and did the same, I had close family and friends at the wedding and everyone else at the reception.
Its your wedding, I’m assuming you’re paying for it so you say who comes

I'm inviting quite a few extended family to evening only, simply because I don't have a relationship with them and would rather prioritise the friends I am in touch with and actually know me and my partner.

I wouldn't invite them at all tbh.

If you haven't seen them for that long I wouldn't invite them at all, as they obviously aren't bothered about you, so why would you bother with them?

'FeliciaFancybottom', great minds think alike! lol

Do you want them to come to your wedding? If not, why invite them at all?

I was invited to the evening only of a cousin's daughter's wedding. Frankly I has surprised and delighted to be invited at all.

If you invite extended family it can get very big and very expensive really quickly and you may not have space / £££ for your friends who you see regularly

My nibling is getting married this summer. I've not been invited. I don't think I've seen nibling for about 25 years.
I'm not sure if i should mind or not. Maybe they are limited in how many they can invite and want the guests to be people they know.
(sibling is NC with me)

Which people are saying it’s not right? If your aunt, uncle and cousins take offence, it doesn’t sound like you’d even notice anyway.

We got married nearly 26 years ago. For various reasons, we were in Europe, family in UK, I just did the normal thing of sending out invitations to all family and friends. Due to the short timescale, 7.5 weeks, I knew that quite a few would not make it.
Both my aunts declined the invitation, because they were "old", some friends could not make it as they had things arranged.
So from the 80 people invited we had 30 on the day. Fine by me. No evening party in those days, far too "twee".

I don’t like this whole two tier thing. It’s tacky. Also the evening bit isn’t the bit I’d come for and this is especially the case with family. It’s fine for work colleagues who just want to party. For older relatives, they’d probably rather be in bed then. I’d invite them to the whole thing or not at all. But assuming your cousin isn’t a small child, I don’t think you have to invite the cousin at all. If they’re an adult, ideally they’d have a +1 and it sounds like you definitely aren’t going to do that.

Didn’t invite anyone we hadn’t seen in person in the previous 2 years. PIL weren’t happy about some people being left out but when their family was 5 times the size of ours, something had to give!

That's a good rule to follow, we've done something similar.

its mostly my parents who are saying oh you’ve got to invite auntie and uncle n cousins

Your parents are wrong and, crucially, it's not their wedding.
You invite the people you want to be there.
I'd leave out the ain't and uncle completely, tbh - being "family" is completely irrelevant.

Who are the ‘people’ here? Tell them to mind their own business. The only people planning a wedding guest list should be the couple getting married.

I hadn’t seen my cousin and his family for 8 years so invited them to the evening only. Even though his mum was attending all day and his sister was my matron of honour and her daughters were my bridesmaids (we have an extremely close relationship and she is my bestie, sister and cousin rolled into one) and I see a lot of my auntie.
he didn’t end up coming for the reason you suggested however in order to invite them I’d not be able to invite 4 friends and as hubs suggested who will have a bigger impact if they fall out with you over not attending and my response was I won’t know they’ve fallen out with me as I haven’t seen or heard from them in 8 years!!

My niece is getting married next year and I was thrilled and very touched to hear that she will be inviting me and DH. I don't see her very often but I am very fond of her. I didn't expect to be invited so it feels very special.

However, I don't think she will be inviting her cousins and, if she does it will only be to the evening party as the church is quite small. I'm sure they would love to go but won't expect to be invited.

Who’s paying? If your parents are paying then they get to offer an opinion but if not they don’t - and I mean offer! You can still make your own choices.
I would not invite anyone that if not seen in that long. Would you recognise them walking down the street? If you did, would you know them well enough to have a good conversation?

Your post made me smile, dad was one of 10, mum of 11! I've got 56 first cousins!

It's up to you. If they haven't bothered to see you for over 7 years then clearly they are not that interested in you and it's a lot of money to spend on someone who doesn't give a shit about you.

I think I agree with this and I understand prioritising people that you have a real relationship with.

How many guests are you inviting? Would the we're just having a small wedding excuse work here?

Unless they live close by that an evening invitation won't require a hotel or lots of travel then I would either do a day invite or none at all. I would find it pretty insulting to be asked to an evening event for a family member that I had to travel hours to get to. The only upside is that obligation to invite has been met, but likely declined. It's hard enough getting RSVP's out of full day guests, never mind evening ones and there's another set of costs for evening food.

This is really common with parents - this familial obligation to invite all extended family. Fine in a time when the cost of doing so wasn't astronomical but it is now. If you don't want them there, then I'd simply say the venue is limited in numbers or alternatively it is costing £X per head, feel free to put your money where your mouth is Mum and Dad? Beware that if they actually do this, they will feel completely entitled to input into the food choices, the ceremony readings and all manner of other random areas.

Are your parents paying? If they want to be all traditional and invite everyone then they should be footing the bill.

I've voted YABU from the info provided so far. If they lived close by, you probably would have seen them within the last 7 years. An evening invitation for Aunt and Uncle travelling a distance seems like a pretty pointed insult. Especially if other Aunts/Uncles are all included for the full day.

But, YANBU if they live locally or there is another reason to exclude. I would change my vote if that is the case.

Invite them or don't, but an evening invitation isn't a good compromise.

Similar! My dad was one of 13 and my mum one of 9. At last count I have 68 first cousins 😬 It would be utterly impossible to invite my whole family to anything!! 😂