Wedding guests

[sarah0106]

getting Married next year, I’ve not seen my uncle auntie and 2 cousins in 7+ years.
I was going to invite to evening part but people are saying this isn’t right and because there family they should be there the whole thing.
AIBU to stand my ground and invite only to night time

🤦‍♀️ there’s always one!

Oh do off your soap box! This type of wedding is incredibly normal and common in the UK (and elsewhere!)…and has been around for bloody years! My own parents got married in 1962 and they had a ‘day do’ and an ‘evening do’. I went to a wedding in Denmark last summer, and it was the same…a day do, with around 60 people, then a further 40+ in the evening. Perfectly normal!

Only on MN to people suddenly become ‘oh so superior’ and offended! Pathetic!

Mn has issue with evening guests it’s seen as an insult and better to not invite. I think it’s fine, they may decline if the logistics don’t work for them but as long as you wouldn’t be offended if they decline it’s totally reasonable. This is what night guests are
for.

This is MN. You need to invite all of them plus spouse/partners plus all children and step children. It's the law.

They life 30 minutes from me, 40 from the venue: they just aren’t interested. So my attitude is why should I bother if they don’t

Ahh man! I forgot the rules!! 🤦‍♀️

Do I need to invite them ALL DAY…or will I be considered the worst person EVER if I have a ‘day do’ and an ‘evening do’?? 😂

All day. All girls need to be bridesmaids or flower girls too. All young boys need to be page boys. Weddings are for familams.

Interesting. I probably wouldn't invite at all in that case if there are no special circumstances such as ill health. I shall change my vote ✅️

I think the evening invite is a good compromise.
Why have them for the whole (expensive) day when they make no effort to see you.

I wish evening invites were commonplace. I’ve been at weddings and wondered why I’m there for hours & hours. Happily pop by for a drink and raise a glass but it’s not always necessary to be at a full day thing if you’re not close. The party is the good bit!

Do you count cousins like I do when I can't sleep 🤣🤣 I've never been with either family all together because of family fallings out so I dread to think what it would like like. It was bad enough when nan, my mum and 3 or 4 of her sisters got together with assorted kids

I did the same as you. If you’re limited to numbers/ money, you want the people there you see and matter to you.

Just curious. Would you be happy to pop by to a first cousin's/ niece's wedding if it was a 4/5hr journey, in each direction?

I've been an evening guest to a distant (in relation and location) wedding, but that actually suited as trying to make it to the morning ceremony would have been a horrible rush having had a late work finish the day before. But, I had no kids, free accommodation and could make a weekend of it.

I would want to see my beloved nieces get married rather than just attend the evening.

Do people not value the marriage ceremonies of loved ones anymore and think it is just a party?

I do! 😂

Also, when we do meet (not all at once, that would be insane, but there are occasions such as funerals when a fair few of us might be there), we try and go through the list!

As we’ve gotten older (I’m 61 now!) we've started to do the ‘who’s still with us’ list! 😬 I’m one of the ‘middle cousins’ as both my parents were also in the middle-ish of their family.

Oh crikey, I’ll need to re-evaluate my whole life…and take out a second mortgage for the bridesmaids dresses alone! Maybe hire a football stadium for the event? 😵‍💫😂

But you’re talking about ‘beloved nieces’…which implies that you’re close to them. That isn’t the case here, so not comparable at all.

I have a lot of cousins and weddings were aunts and uncles for the ceremony and reception, cousins in the evenings. No children.

I was asking the PP about their comment, which was nothing to do with beloved nieces, and why I referenced distant cousins.

My comment about beloved nieces was the third paragraph and separate. I actually couldn't attend one of my nieces weddings, which was upsetting but distance (10+ hrs flight a few days before Christmas with my DH's sibling's wedding to also attend the day before) meant I couldn't. I haven't seen her in many years, but doesn't mean she's not beloved. Had she only felt it appropriate to send me an evening invitation, I'd probably have felt more hurt. Thankfully I got to see a recording of the ceremony and speeches during the meal. I didn't watch the recording of the party afterwards; it wasn't the important part for me.