What is the obsession with therapy/counselling?

[iamfedupwiththis]

Ok please tell me what is the bloody obsession on this site with therapy or counselling??

Nearly every thread I read there are people suggesting therapy for the most simple of things

Can no one make any decisions alone any more?

Can no make changes to improve their life with it?

Can no one pick up a hobby or do something for themselves without?

I don't get it?

I don't get what talking about it for years on end changes the situation.

I have never had therapy but there have been occasions when I wished I could. I muddled through, talking to friends and offloading to people but I was always wary and knew that they would get compassion fatigue if I kept on going over and over the same old ground (which was what I needed to do to talk it out of my system).

I had both therapy and anti depressants when my marriage ended. The anti depressants were far more effective. My therapist was not biased. She was on my side the whole time. I stopped seeing her when she told me my friend was a narcissist after a falling out we had. My friend is most definitely not a narcissist and it was very unprofessional of my therapist to suggest she was!

It's tricky and helps some people. It is not, however, a panacea for everything.

I saw a therapist adter ds1 was born on the heels of two mc's, some crap birth and post natal care and a realosation that my relationship with my mother had been far from ideal. I quickly concluded that I'd feel better if I spent the £25pw on myself (1995).

Again when dd was unwell and was let down badly by GP/CAMHS, etc. The therapist wanted to focus on me dealing with my negative feelings about the local CAMHs team and moving on despite. It crystallised my view that a formal complaint was required and that was cathartic. It also set the scene about repetitive failures. The best way to channel my anger was to deal with the reasons for it.

I do wonder how much therapy is NHS recommended to take the spotlight off of poor services and to discourage complaints.

I’ve got to admit, when I have been through tough times I’ve always found it more effective to get myself through them. But we are all different

You seem quite angry. Maybe some counselling would help with that!

In the vast majority of cases where it's recommended, it's because it's very obvious that the OP has some problems that go way beyond the thing they're posting about. For example, sometimes there are posts where an OP outlines some truly awful behaviour from a very clearly abusive partner (or a succession of partners) and it's obvious that their whole notion of relationships is skewed and their self-esteem is zero. Almost invariably it transpires that they had an abusive childhood and therefore don't understand how normal boundaries work or how to spot a red flag. In those situations, counselling or therapy is absolutely what they need because that sort of deep-seated vulnerability isn't going to be addressed by reading a self-help book or having a night out with their mates.

Similarly, someone who posts to say that they spiral into anxiety every time their child grazes a knee because they're convinced they will get sepsis and die, to the point where they won't let their child run around and play or ride a bike, clearly needs more help than a bunch of strangers on Mumsnet telling her to get a grip.

If you don't think therapy or counselling is useful, don't have any. Nobody's forcing you.

This is incorrect – a professional counsellor requires a minimum of a level 4 diploma in counselling or psychotherapy, registration with a recognised body, and a minimum number of hours of supervised accreditation.

It's up to anyone seeking a counsellor to ensure the person has these qualifications, just like they would need to in seeking out any professional for any service. And non-qualified 'counsellors' are not allowed to be employed by the NHS, schools or private medical settings.

I prefer a large gin, a long walk and a bloody good sing in the car haha and swearing a lot haha

It’s honestly not as simple as putting things behind you and moving on. I had cPTSD after a terrible childhood. I’d moved on, but I was still me. My abuse had turned me into a person that had developed certain behaviours that were causing me harm, but i couldn’t see it.

For example, I’d walked on eggshells trying to keep my parents happy all my childhood, trying to prevent my Dad’s violent, angry explosions or my mother’s repeated suicide attempts.

Once I was an adult I continued to do this in all my relationships (not just romantic), pandering to people and being a martyr to try and make sure people were always happy. This was all I knew, and I wasn’t even aware I was doing it because it was my ‘normal’. If anyone was ever even mildly upset or disappointed it caused me great distress. Subconsciously I was terrified that they’d either attack me, or try to kill themselves.

I didn’t know this until I had therapy. I just knew that I was constantly anxious and i didn’t know why. That’s just one example of a particular scenario I dealt with in therapy, there are countless more. By recognising that I was doing things, I could challenge the behaviours and change them.

It’s not as simple as “drawing a line” and forgetting it. Trauma makes you the person you are. You can’t run away from that.

It told you that because that's what you gave it the impression you wanted to hear, not because that's what you necessarily needed. The problem with ChatGPT is that it doesn't really ask you relevant questions. You say something, it says something back. It doesn't have enough of your context and history, or the clues a therapist would get from your voice and body language, to provide properly tailored help.

I always take it to mean “lummy, the issues here are really too much to be sorted on a MN thread”.

You’re still getting yourself through them, though. A therapist is just asking questions about thought patterns, beliefs, ways of coping with stressors and suggesting alternatives. For instance, I had literally never linked a childhood experience of CSA that I thought I’d come to terms with an ongoing adult eating disorder.

And some people find they can't move on without assistance. What's the issue with that?

I had therapy when I unfortunately developed distressing tinnitus . What a complete and utter waste of money , therapist telling me to pretend it was a radio and turn it down . Only improved after seeing audiologist who said I needed to learn to live with it and explained what it was .

I had really bad therapy at mid 20 odd which was protracted, completely unproductive, really self destructive and very poorly directed. I had very short term therapy 20 years later more or less pertaining to the same issue (fallout from childhood abuse) that was life changing and completely revolutionised my life and my children’s life into the future.

The difference was an excellent therapist.

Quality of therapy is everything couple that with a patient being willing to self reflect and make necessary changes to themselves not looking to others to fix their issues and there is a really good chance of success.

If someone is navel gazing in therapy then they have a poor therapist. There are plenty of poor therapists out there.

So no – you haven't then. Regardless, you can perform all those functions and still struggle, be unhappy and require assistance.

I agree OP, and I say this as someone who has spent a lot of time in therapy. The only thing that helped me was group therapy tbh as you can share with other people going through similar things and bounce off of each other. Never found individual therapy that helpful.

I had therapy because i went through emotional abuse in my last relationship. It helped me so much.

It's bizarre OP and I say that as someone who interviews potential therapists for the NHS.
In my Trust, your get CBT. Or nothing. The waiting list is a year.
The therapist needs no relevant qualifications at all to start work. Nothing. They train on the job. In fact most of them leave before they qualify, so do not ever achieve the apprenticeship.
These people are not magic. They mean well, they eventually have certain skills. But in no way do they meet the expectations that most people seem to hold of them

You do that then. Ethical therapists don't work with people who don't want to be there. Other people have different needs and approaches.

I've had bad therapy and great therapy. The counsellor I'm seeing now has absolutely changed my life as someone struggling with a chronic health condition but has also helped me unpick childhood issues and make better career choices. Being better self and other aware has had huge benefits to all parts of my life.

I'm more confident and resilient. Its not always fun or enjoyable but has been hugely beneficial.

I often find the mentality of “I struggled so other people should struggle too” and “I went through a lot but I’m fine” are said by people who either were brought up in stable circumstances and have incredible life skills or, more commonly, people who actually aren’t fine and are in denial (otherwise they would have a bit more empathy, compassion and chill).

I think the idea that we can just will ourselves to be happy is why so many people put off getting help that they really need. If we could just solve all our problems ourselves then obviously we would all do it. But with things like low self esteem or serious MH struggles, people need help because they are struggling with the basic aspects of life.

Therapy is not just rehashing old problems, it can be treatment like CBT, BDT, EMDR etc. which can change people’s lives.

There are people with physical health problems who can/want to just soldier. And there are others who can’t do that and need treatment. Life has changed a huge amount in so many ways in the last 50 years (for the worse in many ways) and I think it’s great that there is help available for those who want or need it

You sound like a really unpleasant person.

I genuinely can’t believe someone would start a thread and criticise/sneer at people who have required therapy/counselling to help them cope with something traumatic in their life.

I guess you can at least be commended for not even trying to disguise your judgement and disdain with faux curiosity.

Me too. What I wrote is in direct response to your thread.

Honest to god.
Exactly.

This thread 🙈
Some people are so blind