To want his stuff gone?

[DoYouWantSauceWithThat]

Ex partner and I separated over 12 months ago. I don’t want him back, the relationship was pretty dreadful coming to the end and there were a lot of lies, deceit and gaslighting involved from him.

He moved into a small rented apartment and although I wasn’t happy about him leaving quite a few of his things here at the time. I did understand he would need time to sort that out. The home is in my name and he initially moved in with me. He barely liked to contribute, but that’s a different story!

Anyway, since he’s been gone I’ve asked him a few times if he’s sorted anything out and when his things are going to be taken away, and he just fobs me off or says he will and never does. He still has a lot of of larger tools for work here, quite a bit of hobby equipment that’s expensive.

He still calls round a couple of times a week to pick up and drop tools back off that he’s needed for work. I rarely see him because I’m at work. But I know he’s been because I see him on the ring camera going to the shed.

It’s literally driving me insane that he’s still using me and my generosity. I’m not a nasty person, yes, I probably hated him at the time the relationship ended finding out things and probably not knowing half of it. But not having to put up with it anymore those feeling of hatred passed. Now I just feel so irritated and annoyed that he just ignores everything I say. I’m not the type of person to throw away or sell his stuff, that’s not who I am, and he knows it. I just want him to take it away and leave me the fook alone 😡

He’s not doing it because he wants me back, you can tell by the way he speaks to me he doesn’t even like me, he’s just a user and takes advantage of people’s kindness.

Please, does anyone have any advice on what to say or how to word my request to him. Everything from, ‘please could you’ to ‘move your shit’ is falling on deaf ears or he doesn’t take me serious 😩😖

I would take the advice of @Friendlygingercat and @CitizenofMoronia .

Send him a formal email stating that despite, multiple requests over 12 months, and agreeing to do so several times, he has still failed to remove his work tools and other items from your shed, and accesses them whenever he pleases.
Give him formal notice to remove all his items from your shed by x date - I would say two weeks - and return the key. Any of his items not collected by him by this date will be disposed of.

He clearly has his own transport, and storage units can be hired immediately, so he has no excuse.

In the same letter tell him that he will no longer be able to access the shed or any part of your property after that date, and that if he does so you will report it to the police as trespass.

This way you have met all of your legal obligations.

If there's any way to give him an actual copy of the email as a letter, I would do that too (maybe to his place of work?).
Or perhaps fix one to the door of the shed (in a plastic bag, in case it rains).

I would also go in and video everything in there, before sending the email, so that you have a record. He might try saying that you've damaged or taken things, and you could use the video as evidence.

Good luck OP.

OP, you really need to get a grip and sort this out. It's gone on far too long.

Change the locks on the shed for a start, then give him a deadline.

Is there a relatives of his that you can drop the stuff off to? I did this. The relative wasn't too pleased but I dumped it outside, knocked on the door and drove off.

Pretty sure you’ve posted about this guy before. I can only assume you are deep down getting some kind of kick from keeping in contact with him, even if you won’t admit it to yourself.

Because you could have this sorted by the end of the week if you really wanted to - Hi Dickhead, I’ve got a skip being delivered at 8am Friday and collected at 5pm same day, your stuff is being chucked if it’s not gone by Friday morning.

And block him.

But you’ll have every excuse under the sun why you can’t do that.

This.

Remove the lock straight away.
Send him a message telling him to remove items by friday, anything not collected will be donated to charity or left out on the street for refuge collector. Also say that you do not give permission for these things to be there.
Screenshot all messages.

Then follow through.
If he becomes abusive report to police.

@DoYouWantSauceWithThat- on one hand, this is easy, you tell him you want the stuff gone, you give him a deadline. You warn him anything left after that date will be disposed of.

But you are struggling to do this, you’ve said he’s manipulative and difficult, so is the problem not you telling him to take it, but you finding the strength to cope with him pushing back, trying to manipulate you, being tricky and rude and you struggling to keep the deadline in place when you both know the deadline is an arbitrary date you chose and therefore could be moved?

In that case, I would make up a fake hard deadline that’s not something he can negotiate with.

Saying you are moving house is pretty extreme, but less extreme would be to lie that you are getting a new shed. New shed coming in May. Old shed needs clearing of anything you want saved. Shed company said they’re happy to take away and recycle /scrap anything left in the shed when they start, can he collect anything he wants saving before the work starts, you’ll assume if he’s not been round to collect things by first week of May, he’s fine with it being treated at scrap. Put that in a text or email so you’ve got the written record. (And change the shed lock so he can’t being stuff back later on.)

Is it though?

Then give him warning that you will be changing the lock on such and such a date. Thereafter access will be by arrangement only until he removes it all.
If by any chance he considers breaking the lock in your absence then the police will be involved.

So what if he gets angry, though? And he can’t manipulate you - you’re broken up. None of this is your problem.

You’re coming across as EXTREMELY passive here, OP. Tell this idiot to come get his crap.

Do you have anything valuable in there? That was the question. If so, remove it before you give him his deadline.

You need to get him TOLD. Not asking - TELLING him to remove his stuff by x date or it will be dumped.

If he sends an angry message, so what? You are no longer in a relationship. You can block him after this. If he turns up at your door or workplace shouting, call the police. If he ignores you again, make good on your threat.

Somehow it seems hard for you to believe he really has no more power over you.

That's not your problem. He's still on a power trip with you. Give him a date to collect by, and after that it's binned.

Take your power back.

You have plenty of advice on how to stop this and you seem to have taken it on board, OP, so I won't repeat it.

I will just say all the best while sorting this out. It will be be so freeing to have it finished with, so cling to that thought if the job of getting him off your property becomes at all fraught - peace is the end goal!

I do think it’s easy for people on here who’ve not experienced being afraid of a partners reaction to just say “tell him” but being scared to act because you are scared of his reaction, or fear you know you struggle to stand up to his pushing and manipulating- makes this advice hard to take.

Which is why OP you might be better going with the lie about a hard deadline. just telling him you’ll throw his stuff if he doesn’t take it, risks him calling your bluff and then having to deal with his smugness if you don’t throw it all out or anger if you do.

You lot are far too nice! I’d light a bonfire 🔥 and send him a pic of it with his things on it.

I am joking btw! Very tempting though. He’s a CF. At the very least invoice him for storage costs.

Oh ffs just sell that stuff. Then send a message saying that’s payment for storage. Would he go to the police?

With your update he’s playing games with you. Dangerous character.

What will you do after he collects his stuff? How do you know he won’t call round again, invited or uninvited?

I’d be listing it right now very cheap so collection happened asap and keep the money 🤣 he moved out a year ago FFS I would assume anything is left somewhere after a year was gone 🤷‍♀️

Facebook marketplace his equipment. I’d just leave them on the garden and change the lock. You are not a storage facility

You just have to tell him: I assume I now own the stuff in the shed. If it's not gone by EOD Saturday, my mates are coming round to clear it out and take it to the dump Sunday. If you want it by then, you can have it but if not it's all gone by Sunday.

Then refuse to reply or engage with any messages he sends, and get rid of the stuff on Sunday as promised.

A reason that she can't do that is because it's illegal. It'll cost her time and money and depending on her occupation, it could get her a warning or dismissal.

@DoYouWantSauceWithThat I'd get legal advice and then follow that advice. If you feel unsafe at any point, you phone the police. Legal notice is usually at least 21 days.

I’ve asked several times about your things and nothing has been sorted. I need everything collected by 5th May. After that, I’ll be arranging for the items to be disposed of or donated as I’m not able to store them any longer

Drop an air tag in something you KNOW he will take

This is a good idea. I heard about this from an episode of Amandaland!