To want his stuff gone?

[DoYouWantSauceWithThat]

Ex partner and I separated over 12 months ago. I don’t want him back, the relationship was pretty dreadful coming to the end and there were a lot of lies, deceit and gaslighting involved from him.

He moved into a small rented apartment and although I wasn’t happy about him leaving quite a few of his things here at the time. I did understand he would need time to sort that out. The home is in my name and he initially moved in with me. He barely liked to contribute, but that’s a different story!

Anyway, since he’s been gone I’ve asked him a few times if he’s sorted anything out and when his things are going to be taken away, and he just fobs me off or says he will and never does. He still has a lot of of larger tools for work here, quite a bit of hobby equipment that’s expensive.

He still calls round a couple of times a week to pick up and drop tools back off that he’s needed for work. I rarely see him because I’m at work. But I know he’s been because I see him on the ring camera going to the shed.

It’s literally driving me insane that he’s still using me and my generosity. I’m not a nasty person, yes, I probably hated him at the time the relationship ended finding out things and probably not knowing half of it. But not having to put up with it anymore those feeling of hatred passed. Now I just feel so irritated and annoyed that he just ignores everything I say. I’m not the type of person to throw away or sell his stuff, that’s not who I am, and he knows it. I just want him to take it away and leave me the fook alone 😡

He’s not doing it because he wants me back, you can tell by the way he speaks to me he doesn’t even like me, he’s just a user and takes advantage of people’s kindness.

Please, does anyone have any advice on what to say or how to word my request to him. Everything from, ‘please could you’ to ‘move your shit’ is falling on deaf ears or he doesn’t take me serious 😩😖

Change the locks and tell him his stuff is on the doorstep. Pick it up if he doesnt want it to get nicked.
You let him pick tools up and then drop them back???
He's making a proper fool out of you isnt he.

Just incase this isn’t clear. You only get once chance to scare him into believing you really mean it this time. Make sure you are prepared to follow through on whatever boundary you set for him.

otherwise he will keep using your free storage facility.

Text him. Your tools will be outside my house at xxx date and time. Ps why does he have access to your house?

Starting to grate? After a year? Where is your inner fire?

I can guarantee 'giving him a timeline' will result in another year where you might just get a little annoyed. Maybe.

Not a lawyer, but I'm fairly sure so long as you've asked for thongs to go and given reasonable time for that to happen, you're perfectly entitled to just get rid.

I think, as per PP, you either lock things up so that he can't get in and out without you there, or give him X weeks notice after which you list it all online (sending him the listing).

The important thing is to make it really, really inconvenient for him and to stick to your guns!

It’s the shed at the rear of the house he has access to. He has the key to the lock on it

Change the lock?

My wording isn’t very good. That’s probably been the issue with him taking the piss for so long too.

What I mean is that it would annoy me when I gave it thought. Now it’s all the time, constantly. I feel sick and have a tightening in my chest everytime I try to think what to say to get him to take it all away.

I have considered that but wasn’t sure how that may play out? Or if he would turn up at my place of work angry.

Bolt cutter and a new lock. He has the convenience at the minute of using you for storage. Time to make it inconvenient. If he protests then you say its your stuff now.

Then you get the police to take him away. You can guarantee his shit will be gone quickly and hopefully you'll never see him again.

At the minute, there is no incentive. You're storage to him.

Then you get the police involved and tell them he’s harassing/abusing you.

He's storing his thongs in the shed as well?!!!!!
How very dare he?

Don’t give him long. You want this over with ASAP. You’ve no reason to give ages notice.

I would say ‘if you would like to collect any items you’ve left at my house, please collect this Saturday or Sunday. After that I will be arranging for clearance, so anything left by Monday will be cleared out as I assume you have dumped it here.’

These things have been there over 12 months? You owe him nothing at all. He’s had ample opportunity to collect. Imagine if this were the other way around, you’d just never do this and if he got rid of your stuff you’d completely expect that.

He's using it to keep some control over you. It's territorial, it's a tactic and it's very common.

I would absolutely take control of the situation and tell him to give you a date on which to collect it in the next month, and if it isn't collected on that date it will be popped out on the front of the house for him to collect at his convenience.

Change the locks on the shed, and on the house for good measure.

I'm guessing that the relationship ending quite badly you briefly refer to above is massively downplaying the reality based on your updates where it's clear you are absolutely terrified of this man. It sounds like you you don't have children or any other reason to engage with him, outsie of this shed issue?

In which case, I really do think the answer is to simply text him with a deadline and a consequence then ignore any responses. if he does get aggresssive or whatever, block him. For your own sense of doing what's "fair" (which clearly is skewed by this man's behaviour BUT there's no point fighting this battle now), give him a decent amount of time - say a full month or even to end May.

"Hi Ted. It's now been a year and I need to get my shed back and draw a line under things between us, including no longer storing your stuff. I'll let you keep it in my shed up to the 30 May to give you time, but after that, anything that remains in the shed will be disposed of and I'll be changing the lock. Thanks, Mary."

My dsis text her ex saying as he hadn’t collected his things she had sold them. He was straight on to the police and they came round to hers. She told them no sorry officer here are the things. Handed it to them and they rang ex and got him to collect the stuff lol

Just dump them outside and tell him you have. They're not your responsibility to keep safe. He is taking the pee.

I would put another padlock on that he won't have a key to. And hopefully any bolt cutters will be inside the shed. When he messages, say "you've had a year of free storage, times up buddy". Or do you have a gate you can lock?

How much stuff is it OP? Is it necessary for his work & could he equally buy a plastic storage shed to store it at his rental?
Failing that has he got F&F he can store it at?

Regardless of all the above - which are not your responsibility to resolve - as others have said. Give notice. Clear instructions & follow through. Whether that’s packing it up yourself & dropping on his front door step, getting it stored (costly?) or taking it to the tip.

I’d say exactly what the outcome will be if he doesn’t collect by x date.
And make it as neutral as possible. He’s not abusive in other ways though is he OP? Because you don’t want to antagonise him - so disposing of it could trigger an angry response. Not again your fault but…Good luck.

Just tell him he’s had a year free storage, get it gone by sunday if it’s still there then your changing the lock and tough shit.

You’ve let this drag on for a year and now won’t change the lock to your own shed, on your own property, because you’re worried he’ll turn up to your work angry?

Is something else going on here, OP? Was there abuse? Are you frightened of this man?

You can send a formal “notice to collect goods”. Four weeks is a reasonable period. This keeps you on the right side of the Torts (Interference with Goods) Act 1977, which is the framework councils, landlords and solicitors use for abandoned property.

Your letter should identify the items and confirm they are stored in your shed. State how long they have been there and that you have already requested their removal. Give a clear deadline – 4 weeks is reasonable - so cite a date. Explain what will happen if not collected - you will dispose of the goods. Provide a method to arrange pickup – phone or text. State that you will no longer be offering storage after the deadline and you will not be responsible for any damage to the goods.

Giving him a timeline won't work he will just ignore it. Tell him to take it out today.

"If your stuff isn't gone today I'll be putting it on the road for anyone to take. You've had enough chances and I'm not asking you again."

If he argues then send him a picture of the first couple of items outside. Every time he says anything other than "I'm on my way to get it" add another item.

You are making it too easy for him to ignore you.

Send a message clearly stating that the lock to the shed will be changed on x date. He has until thst time to remove his tools. After that he will need to make an appointment to remove the tools at your convenience and won’t be able to return them to the

He won’t be pleased but he’s had a year.