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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want his stuff gone?

100 replies

DoYouWantSauceWithThat · 19/04/2026 18:55

Ex partner and I separated over 12 months ago. I don’t want him back, the relationship was pretty dreadful coming to the end and there were a lot of lies, deceit and gaslighting involved from him.

He moved into a small rented apartment and although I wasn’t happy about him leaving quite a few of his things here at the time. I did understand he would need time to sort that out. The home is in my name and he initially moved in with me. He barely liked to contribute, but that’s a different story!

Anyway, since he’s been gone I’ve asked him a few times if he’s sorted anything out and when his things are going to be taken away, and he just fobs me off or says he will and never does. He still has a lot of of larger tools for work here, quite a bit of hobby equipment that’s expensive.

He still calls round a couple of times a week to pick up and drop tools back off that he’s needed for work. I rarely see him because I’m at work. But I know he’s been because I see him on the ring camera going to the shed.

It’s literally driving me insane that he’s still using me and my generosity. I’m not a nasty person, yes, I probably hated him at the time the relationship ended finding out things and probably not knowing half of it. But not having to put up with it anymore those feeling of hatred passed. Now I just feel so irritated and annoyed that he just ignores everything I say. I’m not the type of person to throw away or sell his stuff, that’s not who I am, and he knows it. I just want him to take it away and leave me the fook alone 😡

He’s not doing it because he wants me back, you can tell by the way he speaks to me he doesn’t even like me, he’s just a user and takes advantage of people’s kindness.

Please, does anyone have any advice on what to say or how to word my request to him. Everything from, ‘please could you’ to ‘move your shit’ is falling on deaf ears or he doesn’t take me serious 😩😖

OP posts:
IamSmarticus · 19/04/2026 18:58

Send him a letter telling him that all his stuff needs to be removed by a particular date and if it isn't, it will be disposed of.

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 19/04/2026 19:09

Send him a message/email saying that he has to xxx date to remove his shit. If it's not done make sure you lock it all away so he cant get to it and then he'll realise your serious and hopefully collect the lot

Petrolitis · 19/04/2026 19:13

Hire a storage unit for a couple of weeks in his name. Take his stuff there, tell him the end date of the hire period, then block him.

Hatty65 · 19/04/2026 19:13

I agree with both of the above. I'd tell him that he has until 30 April to remove all of his tools from your property (shed?) after which time he will no longer have access to the property and the tools will be disposed of.

Bunnybackinherwarren · 19/04/2026 19:14

Tell him he has til next week end to empty the shed or the lock is getting changed. And mean it. Or send him an invoice for storage charges.

ohyesido · 19/04/2026 19:16

Just get rid of it, he clearly doesn’t believe that you actually will

gamerchick · 19/04/2026 19:19

My ex did this. It was a form of control. I'm the end I hired a van and dumped it outside where he was staying.

I'm not suggesting that but I'd be messaging saying his shit is going to be outside on x day at x time and if it gets lifted then it's his problem.

He's not going to come and get it OP. He likes being able to come and go to check you haven't got a man in.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 19/04/2026 19:27

Petrolitis · 19/04/2026 19:13

Hire a storage unit for a couple of weeks in his name. Take his stuff there, tell him the end date of the hire period, then block him.

You're suggesting she pays to store his stuff?

Shatteredallthetimelately · 19/04/2026 19:29

I pretty sure you can't just bin them.

The best course of action would be to text or message saying that he's had over 12 months to find somewhere else to put them and he must now remove all of his belongings within the next 21/28 days after which he will no longer be able to have access to your property.
Any remaining goods left on your property will be disposed of or put in storage at his own expense.

Keep screen shots of all correspondence.

Okiedokie123 · 19/04/2026 19:33

I would box/bag it all up, take it round to his place when you know he will be in. Leave it on his doorstep. Then it’s his problem. Change the locks on your place too.

Mobysdick · 19/04/2026 19:37

If you can’t write the message , ask a friend. Box it up, give a deadline, please return the keys and change the locks. Firm but clear. Don’t be a doormat, life is too short.

ReadingCrimeFiction · 19/04/2026 19:40

There is no "nice" say because he very obviously has no intention of moving it. So you have to be tough. Yes, give him a deadline then bin it.

TalulahJP · 19/04/2026 19:42

maybe a white lie?

“john, i know we’ve spoken before about you removing your things from my garage and they are currently still there.

Just wanted to give you the heads up that my pal needs to store some things in the garage as she’s moving house to a smaller one, so you really do need to get your stuff out.

She needs it from 20th May so any time before that will be fine thanks. If it’s not away i’ll presume you no longer want it (it’s been a year since you moved out) and bin it. thanks.

LovesLabradors · 19/04/2026 19:48

He's taking liberties, using you as an unpaid storage unit, then coming and going as he pleases!

Start by stopping him accessing your property - change locks if he still has a key to your house, and add a padlock to your shed.

The correct way to deal with this is to write him a text or email saying "You have been storing stuff at my house for the past 12 months and this is no longer convenient. I have asked you many times to collect your property. I hereby give you until XX date (usually about 4 weeks notice is sufficient) to remove your items, or they will be disposed of/left on the street." Something like that.

And then follow through. If they're tools that he uses for work, I doubt they'd last long left out on the street.

Shedmistress · 19/04/2026 21:24

Hi Dave. If you don't want these tools shall I put them on Facebook Marketplace?

Meadowfinch · 19/04/2026 21:30

My ex left a large trailer in my garden and refused to move it......until I listed it on Facebook marketplace, sent him the link and said I'd found a buyer who was collecting on Friday, and I'd be keeping the sale price as storage fees.

Miraculously, the trailer disappeared on Thursday while I was at work. Funny that.😁

You don't need to take that shit from him, just make it crystal clear there will be no further extension and he will be the loser.

RandomMess · 19/04/2026 21:37

Send him an invoice for storage so high he’ll want to go elsewhere

DoYouWantSauceWithThat · 19/04/2026 21:39

Thank you everyone for your great advice. He is taking liberties and it’s really starting to grate on me now. He knows what type of person I am and he’s just taking the piss out of me and I’m angry at myself for allowing myself to accept it 🤬

I will give him a timeline/deadline as suggested. So far I’ve just asked for it to be moved without giving any time frame. So hopefully he will make arrangements to find another storage facility.

I have considered invoicing him, just as a momentary thought, but I know I wouldn’t get anything out of him anyway.

i would absolutely box everything up and dump it at his place if I knew where he lived. Unfortunately, he won’t tell me his address. He did always like his secrecy though 🙄

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 19/04/2026 21:46

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 19/04/2026 19:09

Send him a message/email saying that he has to xxx date to remove his shit. If it's not done make sure you lock it all away so he cant get to it and then he'll realise your serious and hopefully collect the lot

This!! Change the locks on the shed. I bet he makes contact very quickly then. Once he does, give him a deadline to collect the lot.

I would take it all out of the shed and leave it in the drive ten minutes after the deadline.

thecomedyofterrors · 19/04/2026 21:55

Easy. Tell him he has a week to remove the stuff or it’s being put on fb marketplace for free collection. Then a week later- do it. Send him a link to the listing. I’m not suggesting you do allow people to collect free within a few days, but I’ll bet he does it! This way means you’ve no heavy lifting or sorting etc.

Shinyandnew1 · 19/04/2026 22:03

I would say you need the shed for your own storage, then put all his stuff in the car (so he can’t just come and go with the bits he wants) and tell him to come on x day to collect it all.

Anonanonanonagain · 19/04/2026 22:09

You broke up, you have no kids or other ties to one another, he rents a place and wont tell you where because he likes privacy yet has a key and access to your place and shed? FUCK THAT NOISE op. Get him followed and then get a trailer to deliver his shite to his new address or put everything outside your house for the miserable git to collect himself. Remove or change any locks. He is making a mug of you.

Therescathairinmybath · 19/04/2026 22:12

You must get locks to stop him entering your property whenever he feels like it!

BravebutBroken · 19/04/2026 22:13

The first thing I'd do is stop allowing him access. Like immediately. He's enjoying the convenience and the control! Then message to say that 12 months has been ample time for him to make other arrangements. The locks are now changed so he'll need to arrange a suitable time within the next 4 weeks to collect it all or you'll assume he no longer wants it.

double0seven · 19/04/2026 22:21

I would find out where he lives. Follow him but make sure you have somebody with you. Gather all his stuff together and drop it where he is living. Tell him you have a new partner who needs to store his things in your shed. Change the locks

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