To want his stuff gone?

[DoYouWantSauceWithThat]

Ex partner and I separated over 12 months ago. I don’t want him back, the relationship was pretty dreadful coming to the end and there were a lot of lies, deceit and gaslighting involved from him.

He moved into a small rented apartment and although I wasn’t happy about him leaving quite a few of his things here at the time. I did understand he would need time to sort that out. The home is in my name and he initially moved in with me. He barely liked to contribute, but that’s a different story!

Anyway, since he’s been gone I’ve asked him a few times if he’s sorted anything out and when his things are going to be taken away, and he just fobs me off or says he will and never does. He still has a lot of of larger tools for work here, quite a bit of hobby equipment that’s expensive.

He still calls round a couple of times a week to pick up and drop tools back off that he’s needed for work. I rarely see him because I’m at work. But I know he’s been because I see him on the ring camera going to the shed.

It’s literally driving me insane that he’s still using me and my generosity. I’m not a nasty person, yes, I probably hated him at the time the relationship ended finding out things and probably not knowing half of it. But not having to put up with it anymore those feeling of hatred passed. Now I just feel so irritated and annoyed that he just ignores everything I say. I’m not the type of person to throw away or sell his stuff, that’s not who I am, and he knows it. I just want him to take it away and leave me the fook alone 😡

He’s not doing it because he wants me back, you can tell by the way he speaks to me he doesn’t even like me, he’s just a user and takes advantage of people’s kindness.

Please, does anyone have any advice on what to say or how to word my request to him. Everything from, ‘please could you’ to ‘move your shit’ is falling on deaf ears or he doesn’t take me serious 😩😖

I know he’s storing it here because it’s free, he could pay for a small lock up or storage unit but he’s too tight to do that.

He’s not physically violent, but he is masterful at manipulation and can get angry when pushed. I’d often had to tiptoe around situations and be a bit tactful to not create an argument or outburst. Usually when he was caught out though.

yeah, but you don't have to deal with that any more as he's not your partner. so unless there's kids involved or a shared workplace, just accept he'll be in a mood and let it go. It's not your problem to keep him happy.

Remove the lock and tell him he has a week to get his stuff or it’s going to the tip. and call the police if he gets aggressive.

Do you have anything valuable in the shed?

I was in a happier place once he’d gone. I want all his stuff gone too so I don’t have to keep reliving that past if that makes sense?
He doesn’t seem to think it’s a problem keeping everything here and ignoring my requests to move it all 😩

If he came to your place of work to hassle you he would come out of that looking awful. Plus there would be witnesses which I’m sure he’d hate.

What, so he comes to collect tools then drops them back off at your home?
Bloody hell talk about brass neck!!
Give him 48 hours max then advertise free on Facebook

Yes, he has some quite expensive hobby equipment in there too.

I’d leave it outside, I’m sure he’d be worried people would steal it and come over. My friend’s ex is just like this.

Ok then I would text he has a week 14 days to fake his stuff or it’s going to the tip.

Yes. We didn’t talk for a while after he left. My decision. I couldn’t face it. When I was ready I asked him when he was going to take the rest of his things. He said he would sort something out as soon as he could as he was only in a small apartment and had no storage. I expected him to sort that out, but weeks turned into months and no matter how many times I asked, it’s still here and he just comes and goes like it’s normal 😳

'Hi Steve, I need your stuff gone from my property by 30th April as I have a locksmith coming to change locks. Please have your things gone by then or they will have to be left outside.'.

You owe him nothing the cheap prick.

Another man unable to accept that a woman has agency and tell him ‘no’! Agree with PPs giving him a deadline. You could also consider sending him this notice via a solicitor’s letter. That may make him pay attention.

“Dickhead I am emptying the shed into a skip on 1st May so anything you want needs to be put of there before 6.3am, plus put your key through my letter box”

None of this is rocket science, unless you're scared of retaliation OP. Is this the case?

Shift everything he owns into the shed. Then give him one month's notice.

He still comes and goes because you allowing him to, you may well be telling him he's to move his belongings, yet they're still all there.

There's no action to your words, youve done nothing to back it up, you've mearly asked him to remove them, he hasn't done so, so it continues he doesn’t see it as a problem because you've not made yourself clear enough for him to take your seriously.

If you want them gone for good give him a written time limit, stipulate what will happen if the time limit isn't met then action it.

first off change the locks so he cant access either the garden or the shed, when he calls to say he cant get in the shed tell him to make arrangements to get his stuff moved and you will then let him in for that one time. CFer

Wow, so he expects to be able to come and go from your place and keep his stuff there, whilst not even telling you where he lives?! What a total arsehole!

Change the locks first then Give him 14 days notice and tell him his stuff needs to be removed by then or you will dispose of it.

Yes it's the quickest most effective legal way

It's your house, don't let him have a key, change the locks if he has. Send him an email, cc your solicitor, giving a date for him to remove all his belongings. Meanwhile I'd tell him to either take what he can and put the rest in the garage. If you move or box up any things of his take a photo so he can't accuse you of any damage,

Also, send a letter, dear X I have noticed from my security camera that you are still accessing my property, as we are no longer in any relationship there is no reason for you to access, any implied right of access to the property ( your address) is hereby revoked, futher attempts to gain access to said property will be treated as trespass and the police will be called. CFer

Send him a message now “hi ex, I need to clear out the shed. Anything of yours you want to keep, please remove before Saturday. Anything of yours still here by Saturday lunchtime I’ll assume you no longer want and will dispose of. I’ll be putting a new lock on the shed at the weekend so you can’t leave anything here in the future.”

you can follow up with a white lie that you’ve got a rubbish removal “man in a van” coming round on Saturday afternoon and you’ll tell them to take anything he’s not removed of his along with your rubbish.

Do change the lock/put an additional lock on so he can’t get in again return his crap next week.

OP you need to send him a very firm message and then follow through “Steve. You’ve had your stuff here for more than a year without permission and I can see that you keep coming onto my property without permission, both of which are totally unacceptable. You need to remove all of your belongings and return my keys before the end of April. After that date, I will be changing the locks and will dispose of any remaining items without further notice.”

if he hasn’t removed it by then, changes the locks and either sell his stuff or take it to the tip!

Well it is normal now as you've allowed it for so long. He doesn't need to move it as there's no consequence to ignoring you.

You're going to have to give him notice and mean it.