AIBU to think most women wouldn't recognise a decent man?

[sundaymornings]

I've a few male friends (single) who are indifferent to women because they are decent blokes but most women are to sceptical. So much so it deters them from dating or getting serious.

And yet , millions of women start new relationships every day.

And they can’t see that this is a self-fulfilling prophecy? I mean, if a guy isn’t interested in me, or indeed women in general, I’m certainly not going to chase him.

No wonder they are still single. Poor men.

Yes, it’s simply too difficult for our little lady brains to comprehend a decent man 🙄

Maybe these men aren’t as nice as they think they are - which is straight out of the incel handbook btw.

I wonder why women might be a bit sceptical of men. A real head scratcher, that one.

They’re not actually decent men, let’s be honest. It makes them feel ‘indifferent’ to women because they’re rightfully cautious about men, given the horrific levels of male violence towards women. They’re men who want women to overlook any fears and hesitation they may have for the benefit of… men.

I would also be sceptical of a man being “indifferent” to me. They need to be interested in the women they’re meeting - it’s seriously not difficult to put some effort in.

Who's indifferent to whom?

If a man appears indifferent to me and gives no signals that he is interested, I'm not going to trouble him with my attention.

Wrong way round. Because of scepticism they are indifferent.

Half time has been interesting and at the moment you ladies are prooving their point and I'm in the wrong

Well, who would want to be in a relationship with a man who was indifferent to women? Do you actually mean "indifferent" as in " not really interested in women", or are you making a different point?

I’m married to one so I disagree with your hypothesis

I guess they're just going to stay single then 🤷
Fwiw I think they're just saying that because they can't get girlfriends, probably giving off weird vibes.

Sure they’re decent. 🙄

Yes, me too.

I don't think decent men have any trouble at all finding, and keeping partners.

It would seem that after making the effort a number of times, it's now a matter of "whatever"
Tired of trying. Hence indifference. The right one will come along at some point.

Just for context these men are just regular normal guys from decent families. Earn well, have their own place. Although one shares with a flatmate. Good jobs and cars. Sporty and fit. One is a male model and has been seen on adverts for ........... (be too outing)

I knew it was a man. You get attuned to the opening bars of the incellian lament.

Nonsense, OP, if they’re going around being indifferent, obviously the response to the indifference they’re visibly manifesting will be equal indifference.

I mean, grow up, guys. If a woman encounters an uninterested man, she doesn’t see a bubble over his head saying ‘Crushed by an overly sceptical woman on 3rd of June 2023 — before that, he was a lovely, eager chap, good cook, speaks three languages, delightful in all, excellent in bed’. You get back what you give off. Indifference will breed reciprocal indifference.

I have a few male friends that are great as friends, as partners I am not so sure but all have something in common they never seem to stay in relationships that long

So my guess is being a great friend who everyone likes doesn’t necessarily equate to being a great partner

There's nothing in that description that means they're "decent". They may be, but there's nothing there that automatically means they are. Maybe it's you who "wouldn't recognise a decent man"?

This. I couldn’t give a fuck about someone’s job or car. What I want is intelligence, curiosity about the world, ability to be humble when needed, recognition that the patriarchy is a thing, good humour and values aligned with mine.

You can’t win. I’ve had nothing but sneery remarks on here about being with my DH since we were teens, but I knew back then he was one of the good ones, genuinely kind and good hearted. 2 decades later and he only continues to prove me right. I can’t speak as to why he’s tolerated me though

These three guys you speak of may appear to be decent on face value, but:

Are the women they've tried to date attracted to them?
Do these men dress well, in the eyes of the women they're dating?
Do they look after their bodies?
Are they cheapskates?
Do they have a decent level of financial stability?
Are they caring and helpful?
Are their political views a turn off?
Do core values and beliefs align?
Do their actions and words match?
Do their hobbies and social time with friends override the relationship?

I'm single for a reason... Not just because I haven't found the above, but also because I know there are aspects in my life that would not be compatible with having a relationship. One example, I don't/can't drive. This may put off some. Another is, I have DC and they always come first.

I'm not convinced these guys are as decent as you seem to think if they expect women, who live in a society where they are under threat, to do all the work in forming a relationship. Why on earth do they expect women to trust them before they put any effort in?

I've never met a guy who's decent but blamed women for them being single, tbh.

But none of that makes them decent human beings, or in any way appealing to be in a relationship with! I’ve no more interest in your car than I do in the brand of your kitchen cabinets, I’m not interested in your earning potential, and ‘sporty’ is an active disadvantage as far as I’m concerned. I’m interested in whether you’re clever, intellectually curious, kind, articulate, whether you’re good company, ethical, what kind of things you do for pleasure etc etc.

Women cant find a decent man for the same reason they cant find a decent Martian.

We dont exist