SEN Child school options help!

[angelofmydreams1981]

Hi all,

I’d really appreciate some advice from those who’ve been through similar, as we’re feeling quite stuck.

Our daughter (Year 6) is autistic (currently going through the EHCP process, not finalised yet). She’s bright and has always been in mainstream, but masks heavily and has recently burnt out quite badly. She’s been off school for a few weeks but is planning to return to her prep school next week for the summer term - her decision.

The difficulty is Year 7 in September.

Her current school (independent prep feeding into senior) has already been too much for her in terms of pressure, expectations and lack of flexibility. They are not offering any adjustments from the start (e.g. later starts/reduced timetable), and we know that senior school will just be more of the same, if not harder. They’ve indicated there is no flex on timetable.

We do have an offer from another independent mainstream school. She did some taster days there and genuinely liked it. There are quite a few SEN children and the staff seem experienced and more understanding it’s also very small like 8 per class. It feels like a potentially “softer” environment.

However:

• She is very attached to her current school and friendship group
• She is currently saying that if she doesn’t go to the senior school with her friends, she won’t go to school at all
• She masks a lot and won’t ask for help, so we worry she’ll push herself wherever she is

The other school need a firm decision now for September, and if we accept we’re committing financially. If we decline, we lose the place as they have a waiting list.

EHCP won’t be resolved before September and I’m aware appeals etc could take a long time, so we can’t rely on that in the short term.

I suppose my questions are:

• Would you prioritise a potentially better-fit environment over friendships, given the burnout?
• Has anyone moved a child at this stage who was initially resistant and it worked out?
• Or stuck with the known school for friendships and regretted it I know that’s not an option.
• Any experience of SEN children coping better in a slightly less academic / more flexible independent setting?

I’m very conscious that a year out of school or refusal would be really difficult to come back from, so we do feel we need a workable option for September rather than waiting for the EHCP process to play out I know we’d have to appeal for the potential right setting.

Would really value any experiences or perspectives.

Thank you

I’m only saying the same as many but getting the school right is absolutely key.

My son is in Year 8 in a specialist senior - the provision has a flexible curriculum and children can do a variety of qualifications including GCSEs.

He’s academically able on paper but he absolutely cannot achieve in mainstream even with support. He was in MS until year 6 and Years 4-Y6 were a real slog - suicidal ideation, daily dysregulation and he had a TA who he loved and who loved him - she basically kept him going.

His senior school has changed him almost overnight. He’s engaged, happy, independent and achieving more than I thought possible all because the setting is geared up for children like him.

No calls, no crying on Sunday nights, parents evening is utterly fantastic now. He has blossomed and this wouldn’t have happened in a mainstream school as he needs the small classes, aware teachers, and the acceptance from his classmates.

If you know the new school is the right one then you need to help her see it. I know it’s not easy but it’s necessary.

Thanks @Merryoldgoatshe’s stuck in this loop sadly! It’s so hard going, delighted your child has had such a wonderful outcome 🌸

I don't want to scare you but we had an incredible EP report with a long list of acknowledged needs AND in a transition year AND an admission from her mainstream school that they can't meet her needs and they still refused EHCP. I see too many parents think that this next step is going to be the breakthrough but unless your LA is truly amazing and a unicorn you are still 6 - 12 months away from having an agree EHCP.

What help and strategies have you adopted to communicate with her?

My son needs me to communicate in a way that frankly drove me mad, but we’ve all got it now and have a peaceful life which I honestly thought was impossible.

@Merryoldgoatwe communicate via iPad and writing on iPad too.. that’s what she prefers but she spoke to me about it last night and she was so tearful

Went to a support group today and one of the people said many LA are point blank refusing to issue… so yeah I’m not sure what will happen… fortunately not long to wait now til we find out.

If the LA refuse to issue, you will need to appeal.

Yes absolutely @ChasingMoreSleepwe will.

Refusal to issue … exhausted

Everyone is shocked all my SEN mum friends just shocked prob the dumb LA EP report which was actually good but still

This is just a tactic - especially as they wait for the white paper. It sucks but it's worth it to keep fighting. Don't do mediation - request tribunal right away (you'll need to request a mediation certificate). It's exhausting but don't give up. Good luck!

Definitely appeal. I don’t know why your SEN mum friends are all shocked. Unfortunately, it is well known LAs regularly refuse even if the legal test is met.

It’s sad as we are phase year. The SEN mums said as the EP report states child needs can be met prob with the £6k but we are at an Independant school and I’m not about to put her in our local comp.

The fact that you are in the independent sector is an issue imo - i don't really understand from your previous posts what help your daughter would need that would require an ehc.

If the Ed psych says her needs could be met in a state school within its sen budget, well that puts you in a tricky position. You are in effect saying she needs an ehc because the private school has little sen support.

It is traditionally difficult to get ehcs in private schools for this reason. I suggest you get expert advice if you want to take things further - i wouldn't rely on the sen mums.

Thanks @Arran2024her current school is not right but she could not cope in a larger setting at all. I have this smaller Independant school I’d like to send her to. I just want it for the future too if the shit hits the fan.

Part of the problem will be the poor EP report. For example, you said the report included smaller classes. Well what is smaller? With tighter wording, that may be something that cannot be delivered in state school, but as it stands ‘smaller’ on its own isn’t enough.

You've had some great replies.

Flexibility is key. For my child before starting somewhere new we've done a headstart on helping them make friends on neutral ground so not school, get familiar with environments etc then during the transition real low demand environments and schedule. We prioritise sleep. Lots of reassurance you're there for her and you'll figure it out together.

Wishing you all the best op it's really tough.

thank you @MightyGoldBearits just her anxiety is so high, I’ve tried with new friends at the new school. She’s refused to meet them. For transitions it’s getting her there I feel she’ll refuse. I’m getting her support for her anxiety we have gone to MindJam as she can’t engage in talk therapy, art therpart feels inaccessible as she won’t travel.

Yes we’ve had good advice but she will be devastated and won’t see that the senior school isn’t right for her it’s so sad. I don’t know how to tell her and I’m fearful of the fall out. It’s making me ill

@Shithotlawyerare you a SEN lawyer? We had our EHCP refused to issue.

DD has said she feels very hot in therapeutic spaces - I looked into art therapy after speaking to a psychaitrst. She has her first mentoring session with MindJam this week. She’s been back at school and seemingly enjoying it but able to do little else after school or at weekends. She was out for three days after the residential.

We have accepted places at both independent schools although our current school are giving us til the end of term to decide. as we don’t have an EHCP (I’ll be appealing) we don’t have access to specialist schools.

ive also contacted a psycotherapist for my DH and I to work with us in the hope they can support us in making the right decision and helping DD

if anyone has recommendation let me know. Thank you.