SEN Child school options help!

[angelofmydreams1981]

Hi all,

I’d really appreciate some advice from those who’ve been through similar, as we’re feeling quite stuck.

Our daughter (Year 6) is autistic (currently going through the EHCP process, not finalised yet). She’s bright and has always been in mainstream, but masks heavily and has recently burnt out quite badly. She’s been off school for a few weeks but is planning to return to her prep school next week for the summer term - her decision.

The difficulty is Year 7 in September.

Her current school (independent prep feeding into senior) has already been too much for her in terms of pressure, expectations and lack of flexibility. They are not offering any adjustments from the start (e.g. later starts/reduced timetable), and we know that senior school will just be more of the same, if not harder. They’ve indicated there is no flex on timetable.

We do have an offer from another independent mainstream school. She did some taster days there and genuinely liked it. There are quite a few SEN children and the staff seem experienced and more understanding it’s also very small like 8 per class. It feels like a potentially “softer” environment.

However:

• She is very attached to her current school and friendship group
• She is currently saying that if she doesn’t go to the senior school with her friends, she won’t go to school at all
• She masks a lot and won’t ask for help, so we worry she’ll push herself wherever she is

The other school need a firm decision now for September, and if we accept we’re committing financially. If we decline, we lose the place as they have a waiting list.

EHCP won’t be resolved before September and I’m aware appeals etc could take a long time, so we can’t rely on that in the short term.

I suppose my questions are:

• Would you prioritise a potentially better-fit environment over friendships, given the burnout?
• Has anyone moved a child at this stage who was initially resistant and it worked out?
• Or stuck with the known school for friendships and regretted it I know that’s not an option.
• Any experience of SEN children coping better in a slightly less academic / more flexible independent setting?

I’m very conscious that a year out of school or refusal would be really difficult to come back from, so we do feel we need a workable option for September rather than waiting for the EHCP process to play out I know we’d have to appeal for the potential right setting.

Would really value any experiences or perspectives.

Thank you

I’m only saying the same as many but getting the school right is absolutely key.

My son is in Year 8 in a specialist senior - the provision has a flexible curriculum and children can do a variety of qualifications including GCSEs.

He’s academically able on paper but he absolutely cannot achieve in mainstream even with support. He was in MS until year 6 and Years 4-Y6 were a real slog - suicidal ideation, daily dysregulation and he had a TA who he loved and who loved him - she basically kept him going.

His senior school has changed him almost overnight. He’s engaged, happy, independent and achieving more than I thought possible all because the setting is geared up for children like him.

No calls, no crying on Sunday nights, parents evening is utterly fantastic now. He has blossomed and this wouldn’t have happened in a mainstream school as he needs the small classes, aware teachers, and the acceptance from his classmates.

If you know the new school is the right one then you need to help her see it. I know it’s not easy but it’s necessary.

Thanks @Merryoldgoatshe’s stuck in this loop sadly! It’s so hard going, delighted your child has had such a wonderful outcome 🌸

I don't want to scare you but we had an incredible EP report with a long list of acknowledged needs AND in a transition year AND an admission from her mainstream school that they can't meet her needs and they still refused EHCP. I see too many parents think that this next step is going to be the breakthrough but unless your LA is truly amazing and a unicorn you are still 6 - 12 months away from having an agree EHCP.

What help and strategies have you adopted to communicate with her?

My son needs me to communicate in a way that frankly drove me mad, but we’ve all got it now and have a peaceful life which I honestly thought was impossible.

@Merryoldgoatwe communicate via iPad and writing on iPad too.. that’s what she prefers but she spoke to me about it last night and she was so tearful

Went to a support group today and one of the people said many LA are point blank refusing to issue… so yeah I’m not sure what will happen… fortunately not long to wait now til we find out.

If the LA refuse to issue, you will need to appeal.

Yes absolutely @ChasingMoreSleepwe will.

Refusal to issue … exhausted

Everyone is shocked all my SEN mum friends just shocked prob the dumb LA EP report which was actually good but still

This is just a tactic - especially as they wait for the white paper. It sucks but it's worth it to keep fighting. Don't do mediation - request tribunal right away (you'll need to request a mediation certificate). It's exhausting but don't give up. Good luck!

Definitely appeal. I don’t know why your SEN mum friends are all shocked. Unfortunately, it is well known LAs regularly refuse even if the legal test is met.