SEN Child school options help!

[angelofmydreams1981]

Hi all,

I’d really appreciate some advice from those who’ve been through similar, as we’re feeling quite stuck.

Our daughter (Year 6) is autistic (currently going through the EHCP process, not finalised yet). She’s bright and has always been in mainstream, but masks heavily and has recently burnt out quite badly. She’s been off school for a few weeks but is planning to return to her prep school next week for the summer term - her decision.

The difficulty is Year 7 in September.

Her current school (independent prep feeding into senior) has already been too much for her in terms of pressure, expectations and lack of flexibility. They are not offering any adjustments from the start (e.g. later starts/reduced timetable), and we know that senior school will just be more of the same, if not harder. They’ve indicated there is no flex on timetable.

We do have an offer from another independent mainstream school. She did some taster days there and genuinely liked it. There are quite a few SEN children and the staff seem experienced and more understanding it’s also very small like 8 per class. It feels like a potentially “softer” environment.

However:

• She is very attached to her current school and friendship group
• She is currently saying that if she doesn’t go to the senior school with her friends, she won’t go to school at all
• She masks a lot and won’t ask for help, so we worry she’ll push herself wherever she is

The other school need a firm decision now for September, and if we accept we’re committing financially. If we decline, we lose the place as they have a waiting list.

EHCP won’t be resolved before September and I’m aware appeals etc could take a long time, so we can’t rely on that in the short term.

I suppose my questions are:

• Would you prioritise a potentially better-fit environment over friendships, given the burnout?
• Has anyone moved a child at this stage who was initially resistant and it worked out?
• Or stuck with the known school for friendships and regretted it I know that’s not an option.
• Any experience of SEN children coping better in a slightly less academic / more flexible independent setting?

I’m very conscious that a year out of school or refusal would be really difficult to come back from, so we do feel we need a workable option for September rather than waiting for the EHCP process to play out I know we’d have to appeal for the potential right setting.

Would really value any experiences or perspectives.

Thank you

let me look at the tribunal over turn date

9th March so decision by 18th May

from.bitter experience even a less full on timetable without other changes won't solve things

Also not being able to deal with 121 is pathetic and I wouldn't want to give those jokers a penny of my money...

I will have to see what happens with the EHCP now.. what schools we get offered - I needed something in place for Sept.

think I’m dealing wit lots of things here

I agree with PP she’s in a vulnerable position … she won’t let me send her back with less timetable. I’ve suggested it

Does DD need 1:1? If she does and the new school isn’t willing to be named in the EHCP if 1:1 is required, I would think twice about moving there. It may mean two moves in quick succession. It also gives an indication that they perhaps aren’t as supportive as first appears.

I know you can afford to fund the fees, but in case the LA doesn’t name/fund the independent school or come to an arrangement whereby you pay the fees and the LA funds the special educational provision, can you afford to fund the special educational provision DD needs on top of the standard fees either just short term while you appeal or longer term if you decide not appeal?

No she doesn’t need 1:1 she’s in an academic prep at the moment and performing academically - the new place can’t do 1:1s is just what I know they can’t do.

i think any SPec Ed provision will be like OT and SaLT so yes I guess so.

@ChasingMoreSleepare you a SEN advisor? I kind of need someone to just handle this for me cos I’m at breaking point

Thanks so much @Shithotlawyer and @ChasingMoreSleep I really appreciate your replies. The reason given by the LA was that there was not enough evidence. unfortunately, having looked at the evidence provided by the school I can’t see that there is anything else that we could submit. I think I will go to mediation anyway, which seems to be the next step, just to follow the process. However, I’m not sure I can realistically provide much more paperwork. We have been referred to early help and a local mental health provision. However, I don’t expect either of those referrals to materialize within the time scales - it seems particularly hard to evidence someone presenting with EBSA as by definition, they are not in school much to provide evidence.

@dicentra365the bar is low - the tribunal were all over it. I didn’t go to mediation I went straight to tribunal.

My school told us not to bother with an EHCP as DD is doing so well academically.

I’m not an advisor or advocate. I work part-time TTO for an organisation who supporting parents who have disabled DC. It includes a lot of EHCP work. I also provide a lot of support to others outside of that and have 3 DSs with EHCPs (2 with EOTAS/EOTIS and 1 in MS), but I don’t have capacity to take on more casework at the moment, sorry.

I’m not saying your DC needs 1:1, but just so you are aware, being academically able doesn’t automatically mean DC doesn't need 1:1. Some academically able DC will still need 1:1 some or all of the time. I only mention because sometimes people tell parents only Dc who are struggling academically can get 1:1.

@dicentra365 You don’t have to take part in mediation if you don’t want to. You only have to consider it. You don’t have to actively partake if you decide not to. You can request the certificate and submit to SENDIST.

You can gather more evidence. Submit SARs and consider independent assessments. If you need independent assessments, and they aren’t always required, especially for a refusal to assess appeal, but can’t afford them and you aren’t eligible for legal aid, or rather legal help for appeals to SENDIST, which can fund independent assessments if necessary, have a look at charity funding. For example, Parents in Need. Although I have used lots of others to help others appeal, so if Parents in Need can’t help, don’t give up.

Remember, you only have to prove DD a) has or may have SEN, and b) may need special educational provision to be made via an EHCP. You do not need to prove DD definitely does need an EHCP.

@ChasingMoreSleepin not sure I can DM you o really need support can you direct me anywhere please

You could start by looking at IPSEA and SOSSEN. They have lots of helpful information on their websites. They also have helplines - sometimes you have to persevere. If you happen to live near to one of SOSSEN’s walk-in centres (see the website for a list), they can be helpful.

If you want someone to take over the case, you are looking for a solicitor, direct access barrister or advocate. All have pros and cons. A solicitor would be more expensive than the other two. A direct access barrister doesn’t hold your hand in the same way as a solicitor could/would. If you go down the advocate route, choose carefully. It is an unregulated business and while some are good, some can do more harm than good.

Be careful with SENDIASS. Some are good but too many repeat the LA’s unlawful policies.

Feel free to PM if you want.

Prioritise friendships.

It took me years to settle in at secondary because I didn’t go up with anyone else.

This! Absolutely

I have a 13 year old daughter who is autistic. No diagnosis as we are on the endless wait lists but we’ve known for a long time. She finally got CAHMS therapy for anxiety and the therapist specialises in autism so everything has been through that lens as it’s very obvious to anyone looking. Sounds a lot like your daughter - very bright, loves learning, masks like it’s her job. Many people have no idea how hard it all is for her, it’s all shown with intensity at home.

We don’t have the option of private so she’s been in mainstream her whole life. The change to high school was intense and overwhelming - and she went up with her two best friends and most of the other kids from her class so she knew about half the kids starting s1 (we are in Scotland so the vast majority of children are in catchment schools).

My point is that the adjustment to a new school is a lot, with or without friends or familiar faces. And her current school doesn’t sound able or willing to navigate this with her. As she’s already struggling, it could be really rough.

I would personally look for a therapist to support her in making this change. Change is so, so hard for these kids but it sounds - on paper - like the only viable option.

@ChasingMoreSleep thank you so much. It’s so difficult to navigate as a lay person.

Thanks @ChasingMoreSleepnot sure I know how to DM you :(

Are you using the desktop version, the mobile site or the app?

@ChasingMoreSleepthe app. Does it only work on certain formats?

I don’t use the app but I don’t think you can PM on it. I think you have to use the desktop version or the mobile site.

OP I would take a deep breath and a step back. It is massively stressful and there are so many moving parts and sometimes it feels like the decision tree is endless and so convoluted you can't know what to do next.

I agree it would be really good to get some support for you in this process. As well as legal people to help , I could also suggest general sen experts / lay advocates who will guide you through the process and will suggest a few if you DM me. I found a few of them good because they helped me articulate what state DD was in and what she might need. But I echo what the other poster said, it is unregulated and you can spend a fortune, so be wary.

I know it feels like you want someone to just sort it all out for you- the brutal truth is it is a marathon not a sprint, and nobody will ever be as good at noting and articulating and advocating for your DD's needs as you are. And there are more choices in your path than just someone else finding the right solution.

I think there are three areas you need to think through calmly and maybe write down thoughts and a plan.

1. DD is vulnerable NOW. You say the school isn't providing many accommodations and she isn't feeling she needs them but is instead pushing herself into burnout. I think to have any chance of school working in the long term you need to get her lots of help now, and free up as much of your time personally to do that as you can- it's an utter nightmare but feels necessary. Also get more of a sense of what would help her at school. I would bet money that it is a more relational approach and more predictability, plus some sensory investigation - at least to start with. Her being academically able has nothing to do with whether she might need 121. 121 isn't the only kind of tool in the toolkit either, inform yourself as to what might be around and might help her. If you can get more of a sense of this you will avoid section F of ehcp being full of rubbish boilerplate. In our case they put "her spelling isnt great she will have an extra spelling test/session per week"...completely counterproductive as ny child was so stressed out and autonomy-focused that this would be a negative driver for her and would prevent her going to school. They said "she will have extra.work on zones of regulation". Well that is a cognitively based tool which is very poor for an incredibly cognitively able child who lacks embodied awareness and interoception. I needed to learn this stuff in order to explain why things would not be appropriate. I think things are changing and you can't hang onto the old world - she won't just go back into school and be ok. I hope she does but I think she won't - sorry.
2. Medium term - when exactly is the ehcp due to be finalised? You were talking about tribunal dates but I'm not sure exactly what the relevance is - have you already got an ehcp and you are appealing? or do you mean you don't hear until May whether they will actually do a needs assessment. Have they only just started? this makes a big difference. What I didn't realise (my DD was at a prep too) was that with the EHCP in force it is a legal document - I couldn't pick and choose if I wanted a school to meet the provisions, once the document exists the school has to do it, and they might not take my child if not..I had this idea that the EHCP would be sort of bobbins, and a hoop to jump through, and if I found a lovely private school they could ignore it all, so long as DD was happy. But no.
3. Long term - you can't actually plan for longer term as you don't know if DD will manage the rest of the academic year or what will happen in September. But I would do two paths, one that includes negotiating now with a school that you think would definitely be able to meet her needs. The EHCP process doesn't churn then spit out the right answer, you have to guide it.I dont know your DD and I'm a random off the internet, but do bear in mind she might not be going anywhere in September if burnout continues. So make sure section F contains provisions broad and clear enough to be delivered NOT in a school setting. Not "A sensory circuit each morning delivered by a TA" but something specifying what kind of activity would regulate her and what expertise or resources are required to deliver it.