AIBU to think our neighbours are singling us out as foreigners?

[BloodyForeignerNeighbour]

Me and my husband have been living in the UK for more than 10 years. I am Eastern European and he is (white) American. We have left London and bought a house in the south east a few years ago. Back in London we used to live on a nice street of terraces with many international families. We never felt out of place there and made an effort to be friendly with our neighbours.

The current house is in a little close of about 10 detached houses and bungalows. Most owners are very elderly (we didn't know it before we moved). Naturally we don't have very much in common with them but we are nice and polite. I have noticed that a few of our new neighbours prefer to talk to my husband, even though I am normally the more social one, and work from home way more than him. Our next door neighbour didn't even know my name until last year. I have a gut feeling that she is uncomfortable to address me, but she got along quite well with my husband who helped her with a few things.

The close is ruled by John, a middle aged ex-forces man in one of the bungalows. He is a type I would not be surprised to find supervising a Raise the Colours operation on one of the roundabouts on the weekends, not that I actually spotted him, so this stereotype might be on me. When there is a problem, like a sewage blockage or an unfamiliar car parked in the close the elderly neighbours ask John for help. He is a bit like a proud rooster protecting his flock of hapless frail hens.

John sends us Christmas cards, but he dislikes us. We replaced a rotten down trellis in our front garden with a slightly bigger one when we moved in and John complained to the council that the new trellis destroys the character of the close (this was disclosed by another neighbour). He has complained to the dog warden that our dog is straying when he accidentally got out of the door and hung around the entrance to get back in. We never confronted him directly about these things because they came to nothing. We hoped he will eventually calm down on his own.

Two weeks ago, when away for Easter we have spotted John and our next door neighbour (an 85 year old widow who rarely leaves her house) through our ring camera, standing in our carport and inspecting the party wall, in animated conversation. We asked what's the matter and John told us that "we are ok, have nothing to worry about". They quickly walked away.

A few days later we received a very officially worded formal letter accusing us of attaching a water pipe to the party wall without asking permission, which has caused cracks in the neighbours house. We were requested to pay for damages and arrange for structural inspection within strict timelines.

We did not attach anything, the pipe was there for the last 10 years, and it is easy to prove if it came to it. Our issue is with the shocking hostility and invasion of our privacy.

I feel very put out that this really normally quite proper and nice old lady who gave our kids Easter eggs a week before and asked us to roll out her rubbish bins on collection day felt emboldened to stride right into our carport when we were away without asking permission and then accuse us out of the blue of tampering with her wall, without even attempting to talk to us first. I cannot imagine how she would react if I was doing it in her carport. It destroyed my Friday morning and I am fuming.

AIBU to feel like we are being singled out and targeted (presumably as foreigners) or is this a typical curtain twitching and low level neighbour to neighbour aggression? And if the former what can we do?

If you came out with that grammatically incorrect waffle I'd tell you where to go.

It’s not criminal though

And it’s very petty to look at it as though they did it for some reason, other than checking on their own wall

That doesn’t matter. The issue needs to be addrsssed.

It could well be. It’s not acceptable to go into someone’s property without permission.

OP can we have a diagram please? I can't quite grasp what the pipe/party wall looks like.

BloodyForeignerNeighbour ·
The current house is in a little close of about 10 detached houses and bungalows.

It sounds as though you live in a link-detached house rather than a detached house.

Most owners are very elderly (we didn't know it before we moved)

Surely you knew you were moving next door to an elderly woman though? Most serious buyers ask questions about immediate neighbours when viewing a house in my experience. Bungalows would usually indicate older occupiers as well.

there is really no physical issue for which we could be actually liable

Is there a physical issue with the wall? Can you see any cracks your side?

He has complained to the dog warden that our dog is straying when he accidentally got out of the door and hung around the entrance to get back in.

Which breed of dog do you have? Does the dog bark much? Where do you walk the dog to go to toilet? Do your children play out in the close? I can think of several things that might cause annoyance in a previously quiet close/cul-de-sac.

I would be tempted to rip the letter up into pieces and post it back through her door.

Eh?

I'm the queen of the half-arsed edit (where I go back and rewrite, but don't follow through to make the end of the sentence match), so usually I'm guilty as charged.

But I've reread and can't see anything gramatically wrong.

Mind you I do know a lot of MN posters have difficulty with when to use "I" and "me".

I don't usually take any notice, but sometimes they spring out because their desire to police others' grammar is in inverse proportion to the competence of their own.

"You know better than I" is grammatically correct.

When in doubt, a good test is: what is the understood word after "I"? In this case, the full clause is "You know better than I know". We don't say "You know better than me know".

But don't worry, @StationJack , I'm not going to flit around MN leaping onto threads to correct you, if you're someone who usually says "You know better than me".

It’s probably nothing to do with you being foreign and everything to do with the bitchy way you talk about your neighbours. There’s no way that your stereotyping and attitude towards your neighbours doesn’t leak out in the way that you interact with them.

Eh, I am not blaming them for not inviting me over for tea.

What bothers me is the blatant disregard for my privacy and property, as if I was some kind of lesser being. I don't believe they would agree that someone would come and inspect THEIR OWN driveway.

The wall in question is party wall: my driveway is on one side, neighbours house on the other. There is no damage on my side, but there is a claim that some crack appeared within the last month inside the house, and that us installing something on our side has lead to the crack. However we haven't installed anything.

I disagree with the posters who said that we need to pay for any kind of inspection on our side.

If neighbour walked into your kitchen and claimed that the (v obviously) old
cabinets installed 10 years ago were in fact installed a month ago, and that
explains the recent cracks in her wall, would you pay a few grands for inspection to prove
otherwise?
This is bonkers!

She doesn't sound like hard work at all!

You are talking about a pipe, presumably a water pipe. Without knowing where that water pipe comes from, where it is in relation to the neighbours property no one can say whether it has caused damage. For example, a small leak can, over time, cause a huge amount of damage to a property. So, it's possible under certain circumstances, for your work completed ages ago to be causing issues.
Getting a competent person to check would resolve the issue, and nip problems in the bud.

So your issue is with the neighbours in general? Why would it be because you aren’t British?

Walking into your kitchen is massively different from walking up your drive/open car port to look at the other side of the wall.

I'm a very private person, but if I was on holiday and my neighbour had some damp on a party wall and did what your neighbour did, it wouldn't bother me at all.

I suspect that John is behind the letter, so I'd simply knock on the neighbours door, be sweetness and light, and prove to her that John is wrong about you. You're going to be her neighbour for a long time, so just say you've read her letter and there's clearly been a misunderstanding that you're keen to put right

Your analogy is bonkers. Your own kitchen cabinets are one thing, your water pipe causing potential damage to their party wall with you is quite another.

I’m starting to feel sorry for your neighbours.

I'm curious OP - IF the pipe is causing damage to her property, in your view, who should she bring a claim against? The previous owners?

They will tell her to do one, and they'd be right. They've sold the property to you.

It doesn't matter if you didn't put the pipe in. It may be the case that it's been fine all the time she's been in there and something has happened recently and they're thinking it might be down to something you've changed on your side.

We are in a terrace and our neighbours thought our side was causing water damage - turns out it was them, the insurance company had to deal with it. We are still friends.

It may or may not be anything at all, but you should take a look at it and see. The property is yours now and your reponsibility.

You don't need to pay anyone to have a look either.

The way you talk about people and assume they are probably racist because you are foreign makes me think you are probably are not the best neighbours yourselves. How are these people breaching your privacy, or property- it's perfectly legitimate to inspect a party wall- a party wall does not belong to you it belongs to someone else as well- that's why it's a party wall.
Replacing a trellis with a bigger one with no discussion, if not illegal , is incredibly rude, and this has obviously set the tone for your relations with your neighbours.
Make your case about the pipe, but I feel it is likely there is another side to this story- people do not just accuse you like that unless they have cause or you have really annoyed them.
All you can do is try and be better neighbours and hope your relations improve- or move.
Clearly having lived previously in London you have not really understood much about the British character, and you are struggling to get on with people because of it- you need to be more culturally sensitive and less quick to apportion blame elsewhere.

We still have no diagram, we have no picture of the offending pipe and supporting structure, or whatever this is meant to be. It might be obvious in a picture that it's been there years, the reluctance to provide one seems like confirmation that either the whole thread is a figment of someone's imagination or in fact it has not been there years.

If it's so easy to prove that it's been there 10 years why have you not responded politely to the letter with your proof of that saying that you dont believe it can be responsible for any recent damage? Have you even gone round to the neighbours house to look at what is wrong and have you checked the pipe for leaks? Why was a pipe attached to someone else's wall and what purpose does that serve?

Nah, you've jumped the shark with that one, @Laurmolonlabe .

Replacing a trellis in her own garden is "incredibly rude"?
And against "British character"??

Oh, but trespassing on someone's garden is not considered at all rude? In "British character"??

Yep, famously just fine about our castle home being trespassed on, the British...

You're just on a wind-up.

From the OP post I get the idea that she is talking about a hose reel , not attached to any water . It is just an empty hose wrapped around a reel . It’s been there ten years . No cracks or damp on the outside of the wall so why would it be causing cracks on the inside wall ?
The helpful man just seems to be poking his nose in .
If I was the OP I would tell the neighbour that I won’t be paying for an expensive inspection and advise the old lady to ask to refer the problem to her buildings insurance company .

Why would an empty hose be wrapped around a hose reel and be attached to a wall? I have one in my back yard. It's attached to an outside pipe. There has to be an outside water supply for it to make any sense.

To keep it tidy when it’s not in use?

Yes, but to use it, you need a water supply. Where is that? My thinking is that there is an outside tap nearby and that could be the problem. The OP talks about a 'pipe',so is there a water pipe on that wall? Without the OP returning, we will never know!