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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to refuse overnight stays after repeated bedwetting and damage?

121 replies

neutralfoxx · 18/04/2026 18:30

My husbands sister was away on holiday and didn’t even arrange proper childcare for her daughter so she ended up with us last minute which I didn’t mind. She is 10. She slept in my daughters bed and wet the bed, not only that but she didn’t take her wet pyjamas off and then sat on my daughters rug and fluffy chair in the morning so everything really stunk of urine. I was so frustrated because she has slept at our house previously and wet the bed, that time we had to throw the mattress away it was so bad. Luckily this time we could remove the mattress covers and the smell did come out. But I couldn’t get it out the rug so I’ve just had to get rid of it and the her chair. I know she can’t help wet the bed but I do think at age 10 her mum should provide her with pull-ups or something and tell her that she needs to wear them especially staying at someone’s house?! Her mum didn’t even care she just said give it a scrub, but it is impossible to get the smell of urine out without machine washing and I couldn’t put the rug in the machine or the chair. We have said she won’t be able to stay again because it’s unfair that we have to replace mattresses and other furnishings. Am I right to be annoyed? Even if she offered to replace my daughters rug I’d be happy or at least apologise and admit she is in the wrong to send her daughter to someone’s house without pull ups and she should teach her daughter to wear them.

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 18/04/2026 18:33

Not another post about someone wetting a bed so badly that the mattress was thrown out and other soft furnishings were damaged.
Hmm

Ileithyia · 18/04/2026 18:44

I think if this is a known, on going issue, YANBU to tell your SIL that your niece can only stay if she has pull-ups and wears them. It’s not fair on you, or your niece, to have to deal with wet sheets etc every morning. Is she being treated for this? If it’s this regular there must be an underlying problem that needs to be addressed.

Loulou4022 · 18/04/2026 19:06

I think there’s more here than just simple bed wetting? WTF is sil going away and not arranging proper childcare! No wonder the poor kid is besetting with that sort of home life!

Port1aCastis · 18/04/2026 19:13

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 18/04/2026 18:33

Not another post about someone wetting a bed so badly that the mattress was thrown out and other soft furnishings were damaged.
Hmm

Yes there was a thread yesterday or the day before where a poster's Dad had got drunk and wet himself therefore the rug and quite a few other things had to be thrown out rather than cleaned. I wonder if it's the same OP

Hankunamatata · 18/04/2026 19:19

Ob sil is unreliable which you knew. You knew dc wets the bed after previous incident. Im a bit bemused why you didn't buy the disposable pajama pants and explain to dc that when she got up to go to the bathroom and shower/chnage or come and get you

Favouritefruits · 18/04/2026 19:22

Why didn’t you put a waterproof mattresses on if you knew she wet the bed? There’s more to this than a 10year old wetting the bed, is her mum ok? Who leaves a child without any real childcare in place?

Allseeingallknowing · 18/04/2026 19:25

Sorry, I’d be saying to SIL that she cant come to stay at the moment, until the bed wetting situation has . improved. The SIL isn’t concerned and not helping. It’s not fair on you or your daughter.

MissMoneyFairy · 18/04/2026 19:26

It's annoying and avoidable but your dh should be most concerned about his neice being left with you last minute and her welfare.

Pinkissmart · 18/04/2026 19:29

This is your niece. Your family, who clearly has issues- either medical or behavioural.
She is a child. It was up to you and your husband to manage the situation with mattress covers, pull ups, a conversation.

Sad that instead of becoming a safe place for her to be, you’ve chosen to reject her and become an adult she can’t rely on.

User086758 · 18/04/2026 19:34

Just so you know, bet-wetting in older children combined with an unsettled home life (you mentioned she ended up at yours because SIL didn't bother to arrange childcare) is a massive red flag for CSA. Along with the fact she didn't seem mortified or attempted to change clothes means that she is regularly not cleaned up after wetting herself. The adults in her life clearly never bothered to show her that's not ok to sit around in peed-in pants so you really need to question what's going on behind closed doors.

Lots of abused children only realise in adulthood that what they went through wasn't normal at all, but at the time they had no idea because their caregivers never bothered to tell them otherwise.

Thefingerofblame · 18/04/2026 19:45

@neutralfoxx many children wet the bed for no other reason than their bladder hasn’t matured enough to hold the urine generated while they are in a deep sleep. Usually the wetting of the bed happens as they reach rem sleep, so about 1.5 hours after they have fallen asleep.

Once we knew this info (given to us by our doctor), we would carry our child to the toilet (pretty much still asleep) just before she reached the rem sleep state. She’d have a wee, go back to bed and wake up dry in the morning. She didn’t usually remember us taking her to the toilet. This lasted until she was 12. Then we stopped taking her, her bladder had matured enough in that time to hold a full-nights worth of urine. It’s a medical issue for many.

What is a problem though, is that she sat in her wet pjs and on other items in the room. Did she have clean pjs that she could put on instead?

OP its horrendously embarrassing for your niece to suffer from this and you are being heartless for making her feel bad (highlighting it) about something she has no control over. Her mum sounds useless and should have provided you with a mattress protector and your niece many changes of pjs, or pull-ups. However, you were well aware of her problem and therefore should have stepped-up too. That poor little girl was let down by you all.

ExtraOnions · 18/04/2026 19:51

You can get a specialist cleaning spray for getting rid of urine (having raised a bedwetter) . nothing needs to be thrown away

…and yes we had very similar the other day, either a massive coincidence or a bizzare kink

ThejoyofNC · 18/04/2026 19:57

I'm assuming that given the fact her mother didn't bother to consider child care before booking herself a holiday, this girl is being neglected. No 10-year-old would be that unbothered by wetting themselves especially in someone else's home.

I wouldn't have her stay again because at her age she should know better than to get urine over everything once she's awake. But I would probably make a report to social services if the bed wetting isn't at least being investigated.

somanychristmaslights · 18/04/2026 20:02

I’d be more concerned about the welfare of the child. No proper childcare, mum going on holiday without the child, a 10 year old wetting the bed. Poor kid.

LeopardStar1 · 18/04/2026 20:06

Pinkissmart · 18/04/2026 19:29

This is your niece. Your family, who clearly has issues- either medical or behavioural.
She is a child. It was up to you and your husband to manage the situation with mattress covers, pull ups, a conversation.

Sad that instead of becoming a safe place for her to be, you’ve chosen to reject her and become an adult she can’t rely on.

Exactly this. Hate to sound harsh but we are all responsible for a child in need. Buy an inco sheet, waterproof sheet. Welcome child with open arms and tell the mother how neglectful she is

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 18/04/2026 20:07

She can't help it. Poor child sounds like shes pushed pillar to post. No wonder she wets the bed.

Beyondamountainandoverthesea · 18/04/2026 20:09

Poor kid.

TheAutumnCrow · 18/04/2026 20:13

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 18/04/2026 18:33

Not another post about someone wetting a bed so badly that the mattress was thrown out and other soft furnishings were damaged.
Hmm

The opening posts on these threads do seem to have a focus on certain ... words and themes, yes.

AnotherName2025 · 18/04/2026 20:18

I agree the child's welfare is the biggest issue here. This needs looking into.

whether it's a medical issue (not yet got the
hormone that controls this) or is due to her chaotic home life it's not her fault. She obviously doesn't realise how it damages things/smells. Poor kid.

you could have just had the rug & chair cleaned by an upholstery cleaner. No need to replace them,

plus as many have said, you could have bought some PJ pants for her, you knew from the previous time it was likely to be an issue.

saying she can't stay is heartless when she's already clearly not got a great home life.

AnotherName2025 · 18/04/2026 20:20

TheAutumnCrow · 18/04/2026 20:13

The opening posts on these threads do seem to have a focus on certain ... words and themes, yes.

Oh, wish I'd read this first.

in that case, hopefully no child is being neglected 👍🏻😊 & if someone is getting their thrills from this, they need help! Weirdos.

Dollymylove · 18/04/2026 20:31

Why are PPS berating the OP for her sisters neglect? I would also be unhappy if I was dumped with childcare of a bed wetter with no protective clothing. A child of 10 still betwetting needs investigation and should not be farmed out on others because the parents want to go away

blubberball · 18/04/2026 20:41

I'd invest in mattress protectors, night time pull ups, spare pyjamas and instructions to clean up immediately if any accidents occur. I'd want to make a child in my family feel safe in my home.

Mattress protectors are just good to have any way in my experience. You can't put a mattress in the washing machine, and you never know when a family member is going to be sick/have an accident/spill a drink

neutralfoxx · 18/04/2026 21:05

Favouritefruits · 18/04/2026 19:22

Why didn’t you put a waterproof mattresses on if you knew she wet the bed? There’s more to this than a 10year old wetting the bed, is her mum ok? Who leaves a child without any real childcare in place?

I didn’t know if it was a one off last time, it was around a year ago.

OP posts:
neutralfoxx · 18/04/2026 21:06

neutralfoxx · 18/04/2026 21:05

I didn’t know if it was a one off last time, it was around a year ago.

Also I don’t have waterproof sheets as my dd doesn’t require them, and as it was last minute I didn’t buy any but I didn’t even know she would need them.

OP posts:
neutralfoxx · 18/04/2026 21:09

User086758 · 18/04/2026 19:34

Just so you know, bet-wetting in older children combined with an unsettled home life (you mentioned she ended up at yours because SIL didn't bother to arrange childcare) is a massive red flag for CSA. Along with the fact she didn't seem mortified or attempted to change clothes means that she is regularly not cleaned up after wetting herself. The adults in her life clearly never bothered to show her that's not ok to sit around in peed-in pants so you really need to question what's going on behind closed doors.

Lots of abused children only realise in adulthood that what they went through wasn't normal at all, but at the time they had no idea because their caregivers never bothered to tell them otherwise.

as you say it’s a massive red flag for CSA, what would I do? Anything could be happening as her mum and dad are separated. She is between both houses. Can there be other reasons for bed wetting? I don’t want to assume. Her mum would also shut it down if we tried to get involved. I believe her dad was already been involved with social services regarding his other child

OP posts:
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