Neighbour and school lifts

[hmmmhelppls]

I know this topic comes up a lot and even featured on AIBU the show! But the experience is new to me so thought I’d ask what you think.

My next door neighbours daughter is a year below my daughter at secondary school. School is about a mile and a half away. Only two roads away. I take my daughter to school as she doesn’t like to get the bus and I’m not fussed (she uses it at other times - there’s no independence issues or anything like that) - I wfh and get back well before I start. My neighbours daughter has also joined the school so we all walk out at the same time often convoy to the school and back. It seems ridiculous. I am happy to take her daughter (no expectation that she share the load as my daughter likes to go with me and as I said, I don’t mind). Would you offer?

This isn’t a reverse, I have no knowledge of whether her daughter is the same as mine and likes to go with mum or if she’d even want the lift! She did ask, before her daughter joined how the school was and how my daughter got there in the morning. That’s the extent of conversation.

YABU - don’t offer
YANBU - offer the lift

Absolutely offer the parent might be worried to ask. Also banks you a favour you might need later 😜

So your daughter is year 8, just heading in to adolescence and all that teen drama, and you have a nice guaranteed time to spend just with her twice a day.

I think it would be insane to ruin that for no reason.

Have you even asked your daughter what she’d think of this? I don’t get why you’d want to do this tbh.

Yes definately offer. They can say no! Or they might share - you do some days and the other mum does others. If anything else, just because 2 half empty cars is a waste of both people's time and fuel, and extra environmental pollution! If you and she can both happily take, I don't think there'd be pressure if they didn't want you to join in!

I would offer, but make it clear that there will be a few times that you can't do it (there will be, occasionally) so you will let her know and would appreciate it if she could take your daughter to school on those occasions.

That way she won't (hopefully) expect you to do it every day, even if you are quite willing to do so.

Do you have an exit plan to use if it all goes pear-shaped? Yea, it’s a nice thing to offer but I think I’d be wary of committing to something that could end up going on for years.

Why drive when that can easily be walked/cycled?

An offer brings some form of commitment. I just carry on as normal knowing that if they ever needed a lift I'd be happy to obliged.

This

First post nails it, op I’d cry with happiness if you offered, or you could say how about we take turns.

Do not do this. Occasionally give a lift if the weather is bad but only then. The school run is a regular opportunity for you to spend alone time with your daughter. It will change the whole dynamic if another child is constantly in the car with you. You and your daughter will never be able to talk about anything private. Also your daughter might not want this, the other girl is the year below her, may not be in her friendship group etc. Dont under estimate how draining having someone else (no matter how nice they are) in the car, day in day out, will be plus what if the girl runs late, is ill etc. You will have to mess about texting, waiting for her or knocking on your neighbour's etc. A big no from me.

nobody needs a lift, they should be walking.

We liftshare with other parents and it works really well but it’s fairly informal and organised via whatsapp on a Sunday evening. It’s usually just drop offs, kids do all sorts of different clubs/activities so finish times are different and harder to share.
Maybe offer drop offs but continue to collect separately?

No, don’t do it. When does it end? You’re adding a complication to your life and private time with your daughter. Just hard no.

Nope. It can go wrong in lots of ways and you’re better off not getting into it. Good deeds like this rarely go unpunished.

No … don’t complicate things

Don’t do it . You’ll end up in a cf situation you’ll struggle to get out of. What starts as a kindness starts to be expected and people can be very entitled.

That would be very kind

(there are some strange paranoid folk on this thread)

Absolutely no harm in offering, they might say no anyway because perhaps she enjoys the journey there alone. I think it’s a lovely thing to do.

Shes not sending her daughter off to war. Christ, her child might have to sit in the car with another human for about 3 minutes.

I would say don’t do it. I have a dd in Y8 at school and I drive her. I would not want someone else in the car regularly for all the reasons stated above, and nor would she.

This. ^

The time in the car together will become precious to you as your DD gets older. I know from experience it gets wearying having another child tagging along every time.

There’s no mention of driving. Where has that come from? Op says she take her daughter to school. I assumed she walks with her because she doesn’t like to take the bus.

Do neither. Get your DD to walk. It's going to take her no more than 30 minutes. It's a waste of your time, unnecessary impact on the environment and lost exercise opportunity.

Ah I may have made an assumption but if so, bit confused why a year 8 needs to be walked with to school? Most are happily walking independently by that age.

It’s in the title - “school lifts”.