Neighbour and school lifts

[hmmmhelppls]

I know this topic comes up a lot and even featured on AIBU the show! But the experience is new to me so thought I’d ask what you think.

My next door neighbours daughter is a year below my daughter at secondary school. School is about a mile and a half away. Only two roads away. I take my daughter to school as she doesn’t like to get the bus and I’m not fussed (she uses it at other times - there’s no independence issues or anything like that) - I wfh and get back well before I start. My neighbours daughter has also joined the school so we all walk out at the same time often convoy to the school and back. It seems ridiculous. I am happy to take her daughter (no expectation that she share the load as my daughter likes to go with me and as I said, I don’t mind). Would you offer?

This isn’t a reverse, I have no knowledge of whether her daughter is the same as mine and likes to go with mum or if she’d even want the lift! She did ask, before her daughter joined how the school was and how my daughter got there in the morning. That’s the extent of conversation.

YABU - don’t offer
YANBU - offer the lift

This may sound weird to others but I agree.
Car time is weird. They talk more openly in the car alone with you than any other time as they get older.

they blast their music and look nervously at you to see if you mind and when you smile about it they feel connected. (Just don’t sing along if it’s an old retro song)

it’s like a bubble where they often happily chat in a way they won’t at home

Well unless she carries her child to school and is debating tucking the neighbour under her spare arm I’ve assume ‘lifts’ means car involvement

Agree. I have just spent two weeks driving my DD to her work experience placement and it was so lovely and we talked and laughed so much that we have vowed to take more road trips together. There is something about being in the car that just relaxes her and all the teen attitude goes out of the window!

Pretty shocking that you're both driving 2km all the time really.

Get the teens to walk.

Agreed!

My friend has to drive her kids to school that distance because they live rurally and the roads have no pavements. They can’t cut across fields either because it’s working farmland. Not everyone lives in a town or city.

😂

I'd assume the OP can clarify if this is the case here?

I drive my teens 2.1 miles to school every day- it's on my way to work and means they can spend a tiny bit longer in bed 😊

I have considered offering lifts to neighbours' DC, but DS likes to arrive at school at a very specific time (he has ASD) and I'd be worried about them making us late.

Its a pretty short trip..I.dpunt they'll be having meaningful heart to hearts.

I know this topic comes up a lot and even featured on AIBU the show!

YANBU but what is this?

It's absolutely not the point of the OP's post though. She wasn't asking for opinions on whether she should drive or walk she was specifically asking whether she should offer somebody else a lift.

I offered lifts.... Became a nightmare as I was then asked for more lifts, and then more. Then other mums noticed the arrangements and wanted their kid to have a lift.

Then the kids fell out .....

It became too much and it had to stop.

In my estate now, some drive, some don't but people do their own thing. And it works just fine.

This. Don't underestimate the power of car chats !

I live exactly a mile and a half from our local secondary school and twice a day hundreds of children walk past. She should be walking, it will be good for her, as well as reducing unnecessary congestion, and other environmental benefits.

You are assuming the route is walkable. Some people live rurally and have to drive.

Is your 4/5/6/7 km weekly drive less shocking then ? What exactly is an acceptable amount of km's per week for someone to use their own car ? Presumably whatever amount you drive is perfectly acceptable.

Don’t offer. As others have said, it can cause all sorts of problems further down the line.

If it was a longer distance then that would be different, because it would be quite an inconvenience to drive, and sharing the load would be good. But this is basically a 2 minute drive. If it was difficult for the other mum to manage, then she’d probably have told her child to walk.

I’ve done this and truthfully would rather not again. It becomes a drag and I’d rather time to talk alone to my child. Child journeys are a great time for them to open up.

No issues with bad weather though.

Because the OP may not want to start her day with a 3 mile walk?

I doubt the secondary school aged child needs her mum to walk her to school.

I got into this with a neighbour (her suggestion). It ended up as a stress fest, she was always late on her week and I am very particular about punctuality especially for registration. I don’t do rushed mornings, so would be out waiting for her kid at the appointed time on my week.

I'd offer a lift OP. Why wouldn't you?

Or maybe arrange some sort of alternate week set up?

And if she offers a lift she may then feel obligated to continue to do so, even if she decides she'd prefer her child to start walking. Which, if safe to do so, would be the healthier, more independent and ethical alternative.

Still not the point though is it? If the daughter starts walking, the lifts stop, it's as simple as that. Still doesn't need to be a walking vs car debate.