AIBU to wonder if children should ever feel afraid of parents?

[Icecreamdreamer]

Were you afraid/fearful of your parents growing up in any way and do you think your children feel any of that towards you?

personally I did have a level of fear when my parents told me off/ shouted but I would hate to think my children would ever be afraid of me

edited to add- I don’t think children should ever fear their parents but I know some people who do still parent like this

No this is flat out wrong. You can be taught right and wrong without someone shouting angrily at you.

its nothing to do with teaching right and wrong - its about teaching social awareness and specifically the dangers of winding other people up, the effects of enraging them, making them furious: at home the worst that will happen (assuming you're not a criminal) is getting screamed at. Out in the big bad world as a teenager with absolutely no concept of anger or fear you would be killed.

Teaching kids that people can get angry is sensible. Teaching them by being someone they’re afraid of isn’t. That creates anxiety or desensitisation, not good judgement. Social awareness comes from learning to read situations and regulate yourself, not just learning ‘don’t upset the person with power".

Real social awareness comes from learning to regulate yourself and understand others, not from being on the receiving end of someone else’s anger.

Additionally, if you teach kids that anger is the only way to get your point across or that expressed anger is the best way to communicate with others (which they will learn if you do it often enough- its called modelling) then they will actually be MORE likely to get into fights or dangerous situations because they wont be able to deescalate potentially aggressive situations.

I don’t think children should be afraid of their parents, but I think a certain wariness can be useful especially in schools if only to keep good teachers staying in the profession.
After all, as adults we are “wary”. I don’t roll in late, tell colleagues to F off, talk over/ smirk at my boss if he asks me to do something
If I did, I’d find myself out of a job.

I feared my mother as a child, she had crazy mood swings. She hit me a few times.
I never wanted my son to fear me. He’s a teenager now, has respect for his parents, teachers and sports coaches. So saying kids need to fear authority to foster respect is rubbish.

at home the worst that will happen (assuming you're not a criminal) is getting screamed at.

It's not the worst. Some children get physically assaulted by their parents.