AIBU to ask my mum to babysit so I can see someone?

[Ellaitchar]

Not sure if this is selfish or silly, or fine.

Separated from. DH since September. He had an affair and left me and our DCs 5 and 4. My friends have been great, and I am getting used to things now.

I have been texting a former FWB from years ago. He has been very supportive and a great friend. He is visiting London (where I live) in a couple of weeks. I would like to have sex with him, and asked outright if he would like to too. He said yes.

He is in town for three nights. Those three nights coincide with my mum visiting.

Last time she came down, I had to work one evening and she babysat. She was very happy to do so, the kids enjoyed it and it was very helpful.

I could pretend to be working again, and it would be fine with my mum who I'm sure would happily babysit again. But it would be a lie so I am torn.

WWYD? On the one hand I would really like to meet my old.friend. I know and trust this man, haven't had sex in a year and know it would be fun and safe. On the other hand I would be lying to my mum and missing out on time with her.

Why do you have to lie? Can’t you just say you’re meeting a friend for a night out?

This.

If you cant be honest then dont no shag is worth that

Be straight with your Mum. I wonder if your dilemma is wrapped up with the fact that youre planning to have sex with him and you feel guilty? On another note isnt planning to have sex taking the fun out of it? Do you fancy this guy? It could be rubbish and then youll feel bad. It could ruin a good friendship.

Tell your mum the truth, you are going out to meet an old friend ( maybe not the for a shag part )

Don’t lie to your mum.

Did you miss the former FWB part of the OP?

Is she the type to question you, or could you just say that you were meeting up with friends? I'd run it past her that you've had the offer of a night out and see what she says. I offered my DD childcare so she could get out and enjoy herself. I didn't need to know how she was enjoying herself.

Your children's lives have just been blown up. They should be your priority right now, not meeting people for sex.

It's fine to want to have sex.

It's not fine to lie to your mum.

Ask your mum if she'd mind having the kids for a while so you could meet up with a friend who's also in London for a few days.

Just tell your Mum that you want to meet up with an old friend who is in town, and would she be willing to babysit? She doesn’t need to know about your sex life.

But it's fine for their dad to have done this and left 🙄

I agree with comments saying absolutely ask your mum to babysit, but don't say it's for work. Just say you would like to catch up with a friend. Surely even if she thought it was meeting a man she would be pleased for you based on you ex's actions.

No it's not fine and that's why they're split up.

Oh give over. OP is arranging for their grandma to babysit and I'm sure the children will be happy. Are you suggesting she sits in on her tod every night while her children sleep flagellating herself for having married a cheating prick?

OP agree with others, just say you're meeting a friend?

Thanks everyone. If I did do this, I would of course say that I was meeting a friend rather than go into the detail. But mum would potentially be quite put out that I am using up one of our three nights for a social thing. She may also ask further questions which would lead to further lies.
It's just annoying that the dates clash.
I am leaning towards going, but I think that's my hormones talking rather than my brain.

How often does your mum come to visit? As that would guide how confident I would be in asking her to babysit.

Maybe three times a year? She lives in Glasgow. Coming down for the bank holiday weekend. The previous visit was Christmas. She has babysat before as I said in a previous post. But that was a genuine work emergency.

Bit of a stupid comment. OP has a life too you know. It would have no impact on the children if OP goes and has sex with someone. Our parents separated when my sibling and I were 5 & 7 and we were fine. Our mother kept her personal relationships separate to us and we were not impacted at all.

Assuming you don't very often get a chance to have a night out since splitting with your ex, then I would hope your mum would be happy to babysit so you can go and enjoy yourself (she doesn't have to know just how much!).

How far away does the man live? Just wondering if it's feasible for you to see him when your children are with their dad (assuming he does have them overnight!) to avoid your mum feeling a bit miffed.

Personally I wouldn't even ask her. She only visits three times a year and you haven't seen her since Christmas. So I'd arrange to meet him another time.
If you are going to anyway, don't lie to her and say it's work when it isn't.

He lives abroad these days and is coming back for work (ironically he genuinely is doing work!). It won't be the only time he is ever in London but he doesn't come here often.

Depends what your relationship with your mum is like. I would lie and say I’m working simply because I’d never hear the end of it, they’d be so many questions. Enjoy your night OP!

Ok. So it's not every other month then.

You know your mum best as to whether she'd be ok with this or not. 3 times a year for a few days is not much. Do you go see her at all? As I'd be happier to ask her to babysit if you see her more than 3 times a year.

If you do decide to go ahead with asking her, I'd very much frame the visit in the truth. Old friend who you haven't seen for years. Coming from abroad for work. You'd love to catch up with them and see them. It'll only be for a short while and the kids will be in bed.

Oh god just do it ❤️