AIBU to ask my mum to babysit so I can see someone?

[Ellaitchar]

Not sure if this is selfish or silly, or fine.

Separated from. DH since September. He had an affair and left me and our DCs 5 and 4. My friends have been great, and I am getting used to things now.

I have been texting a former FWB from years ago. He has been very supportive and a great friend. He is visiting London (where I live) in a couple of weeks. I would like to have sex with him, and asked outright if he would like to too. He said yes.

He is in town for three nights. Those three nights coincide with my mum visiting.

Last time she came down, I had to work one evening and she babysat. She was very happy to do so, the kids enjoyed it and it was very helpful.

I could pretend to be working again, and it would be fine with my mum who I'm sure would happily babysit again. But it would be a lie so I am torn.

WWYD? On the one hand I would really like to meet my old.friend. I know and trust this man, haven't had sex in a year and know it would be fun and safe. On the other hand I would be lying to my mum and missing out on time with her.

Thanks mum 😊

If I was going to visit my daughter that I lives hours away from and she buggered off for a quick shag, I'd be furious and incredibly upset. There's 365 days in year for you to meet men, I'm astounded you think a one night stand is more important than spending time with your mum.

But the potential FWB is only very occasionally in London and it’s not clear she has night time babysitting at other points!

But on the other hand, if I was the mother to an adult daughter who had had a rough year, who wanted to have some fun and could only do so on the night I was there, I would sympathise.

I'm not going to tell my mum that I'm going out for a shag. Nor am I looking to meet men. I know this man and we have been close for many years (including many shags over many years, although not for a long time).

It's not quite how you describe it. But thanks for your view.

Omg FO back to the nunnery!

so unhelpful!

You should definitely meet him. Go and have some no-strings fun with a safe person you’ve already had good sex with. It’s been a crappy nine months.

I think it's fine to ask. "An old friend who now lives abroad just happens to be in town the same weekend as you. Would you mind babysitting one evening so I can meet up with him as I haven't seen him in years?"
I know my mum would definitely be ok with this.
You can then make it up to her the rest of the weekend.

I would definitely ask her. If I was your mum I wouldn’t mind at all.

Why would going out for one night mean that she doesn't love her children? Does prioritising children mean one has to be with them 24/7? And if so, how come that rule doesn't apply to the father? What a one-sided mentality you have.

I wouldn't share your planning in having a shag witj your Mum but just meeting an old friend.

If I was your mum, I’d be happy that I could be there to have the kids for you to go and have some fun. I’d have your company the other 2 nights.

Do it! You're not pissing off for the duration of your Mum's visit, it's just one night. Can't believe some of the comments. Your kid's life won't be worse if you have some well deserved fun one evening.

Surely the fact that you feel the need to lie to your mum tells you that what you're doing is not right?

I’m guessing as you are asking you know your mum is likely to be unhappy about it, maybe disapproving or hurt that you want to spend one of “her evenings” with someone else. If you have any doubt, just sound her out but reassure her that if she’s unhappy about it at all, you won’t go and won’t give it another thought. No sulking no atmosphere. Not saying you would sulk. I probably would, a bit 😬

I really hope she encourages you to go

What is not right about it? Could you elaborate?

Telling a lie in this case seems to be to avoid questions and hassle. Which is fine if OP doesn't want to share that side of her life with her mother.

She hasn't seen her mum since Christmas due to the long distance between them. Her mum is travelling god knows how far to see her daughter for the first time in 5 months, she's only there for 3 nights and one of them her daughter is choosing to leave her at home so she can have a quick shag.

If her mum lived round the corner and they saw each other regularly it's perfectly fine but they don't. It's incredibly rude and, for her mum, quite upsetting that a quick no strings shag is more important to her daughter than spending the limited time they have together with her mother.

Added to that, the fact that she's questioning it and isn't just going to be honest tells you that the OP already knows she's being rude and offensive to her mum.

Presumably OPs mum is not just travelling to see her but also to see the grandkids? It’s not like OP is just abandoning her and if she doesn’t see them often she might quite enjoy it?

I mean if you're going to go out don't lie to your mum about having to work. You don't need to tell her you're off to jump on your friends penis. Just tell her your friend is in town and would she mind you popping out for a couple of hours on just one evening out of the 3 she is over

Why even ask?? You don't need anyone's permission. Just go have some fun - you deserve a little break!

I would happily babysit for my daughter to see a man after a very difficult year. Just do it, say you’re visiting a friend, don’t deny yourself some fun.

What a nasty judgy comment. What difference will one night with grandma make to the kids? It’s not like the OP is proposing to blend families or shack up with th is guy.

You are a grown up

Just tell your mum you are going on a date or meeting a friend and staying over you are a grown up you can have sex if you like

It’s been 7 months and she has the right to a personal life too!

FFS if they're fast asleep I don't see why the OP shouldn't go and have sex with a man she knows from ages ago.

@Ellaitchar can you tell your mum you're meeting a friend? That's the truth.

One night out and having fun is fine as long as she is safe and there for her kids in the next day! They split in September not a week ago! She has prioritised her kids ffs, her husband ran of with another woman, give her a break and stop encouraging Mum guilt. This is 2026 not stuck in the Victorian times as long as her Mum us happy babysitting it doeant matter if they go for just a drink or full consensual sex, the kids and mum just need to know she is out not what happens on that date!