AIBU to ask my mum to babysit so I can see someone?

[Ellaitchar]

Not sure if this is selfish or silly, or fine.

Separated from. DH since September. He had an affair and left me and our DCs 5 and 4. My friends have been great, and I am getting used to things now.

I have been texting a former FWB from years ago. He has been very supportive and a great friend. He is visiting London (where I live) in a couple of weeks. I would like to have sex with him, and asked outright if he would like to too. He said yes.

He is in town for three nights. Those three nights coincide with my mum visiting.

Last time she came down, I had to work one evening and she babysat. She was very happy to do so, the kids enjoyed it and it was very helpful.

I could pretend to be working again, and it would be fine with my mum who I'm sure would happily babysit again. But it would be a lie so I am torn.

WWYD? On the one hand I would really like to meet my old.friend. I know and trust this man, haven't had sex in a year and know it would be fun and safe. On the other hand I would be lying to my mum and missing out on time with her.

My mum is lovely, kind and considerate. But I would say she is a lot more highly strung than I am, and isn't particularly easy going. I am always slightly worried about inadvertently annoying her, and this is one such occasion. But it seems OK for now.
To be honest, I'm hoping that the kids will be in bed by the time I go out. My friend's hotel is only a few minutes from here so I won't be needing lots of travel time. This will mean that mum shouldn't actually have to do any childcare beyond being in the house, which is good. I will leave her with the TV and some snacks, and hopefully she will enjoy the rest!

What, should she live a life of penance for the rest of her days like some sort of Hester Prynne/Boo Radley ogre hybrid? Behave!

Jesus.

Op, go! Go and enjoy yourself! ❤️. Sounds like you've had a traumatic year and could do with some fun. It's one night. It doesn't sound like you'll be gone the whole day, I'm assuming? The kids will be safe and i'm sure your Mum will be fine. As for lying, I don't see the harm. We're allowed to keep some things to ourselves and it's not a lie that is hurting anyone. Hope you have a great time 🥰

Thanks ❤️

No, it'll be two or three hours. Not all day or overnight. I'll get the kids to bed and then go. Unless there is some kind of unusual sleep disturbance, they won't make a sound and my mum will have a nice night in front of the TV! I won't be home after her usual bedtime.

I don't even think I'm lying to her. I have said I'm meeting a friend, which is true. I've just not mentioned the nature of the meeting. She will know where I am, be able to call me in an emergency, and hopefully all will be well.

As a mother, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at babysitting so one of my children could go on a date. As a mother, I’d be devastated if that child lied to me. As a daughter, I’d fudge slightly, and just say that an old friend is in the area and if she didn’t mind, I’d like to meet up with him. I think that most mothers would want to know that their child, in your situation, was starting to put their life back on track and wanted to go on a date.

Agree. It’s a bit seedy.

Would you think it was seedy if I was meeting my friend for a drink? That's exactly what I would be doing had he said no to my suggestion of sex.
There is no difference at all in terms of the impact on my kids.

Yeah, god forbid a single woman pay attention to her own sexual needs.

Because she is asking her mum to have her children. I thought that was obvious.

Just say to your mum your meeting a friend it’s the truth.

Yep. That's what I've done. I've even said who it is (they have met several times) and where we will be. The only thing I haven't mentioned is the sex.

Hope you have a brilliant and satisfying time OP

I’d lie and say it’s for work - saves questions / disappointment!

Thanks ❤️

I am as excited as I was when I was 21! We haven't slept together for over 10 years but we were always great together in bed, and it's been sooooo long since I've had sex. Honestly cannot wait.

Just say you are meeting a friend or going on a date. Would it be an overnight? That does make it tricker but if not, I don’t see the issue

Yes I have told mum that, and no it's not going to be overnight.

When I started this thread I was worried, but then people suggested what you have suggested, and problem solved! I couldn't see the wood for the trees and think of that solution myself.

@hot2trotter "Why even ask?? You don't need anyone's permission"

It's not as simple as that when you have kids though is it. She isn't foot loose and fancy free.

Anyone following this thread - I went out last night. DCs didn't disturb my mum once, and she got to watch the snooker! Everyone wins! 😄

Good for you OP. Life is all about balance and I think you balanced everything well in this situation. Hope you had a great time 😉

Urgh! So judgemental and unfair. Where is your opprobrium and judgement for OP's ex-DH who had an affair while he was married?

Why on earth shouldn't OP have a night off to meet her friend? The fact that she may have sex with him is irrelevant. It won't hurt her children if she does as they will have no idea. Would it only be reasonable if OP left her kids with her mum to attend church or a bible class?

Hurray!

I hope you had a great night OP and that it was worth the initial dilemma of asking your mum.

Thanks ❤️.

I think actually my mum was happy to get the chance to watch the snooker! Absolutely not my idea of a fun Saturday night. And the DCs didn't even notice I'd gone.

It was really great to see my friend. Hadn't seen him in ages, and we went for a drink and caught up for a bit before getting to our arrangement.

And today mum and the kids are all playing happily whilst I cook Sunday lunch. 😊

Glad you had a good time op. I’m sure your mum will be supportive of you getting me time!

Hope you had the best night x