AIBU to ask my mum to babysit so I can see someone?

[Ellaitchar]

Not sure if this is selfish or silly, or fine.

Separated from. DH since September. He had an affair and left me and our DCs 5 and 4. My friends have been great, and I am getting used to things now.

I have been texting a former FWB from years ago. He has been very supportive and a great friend. He is visiting London (where I live) in a couple of weeks. I would like to have sex with him, and asked outright if he would like to too. He said yes.

He is in town for three nights. Those three nights coincide with my mum visiting.

Last time she came down, I had to work one evening and she babysat. She was very happy to do so, the kids enjoyed it and it was very helpful.

I could pretend to be working again, and it would be fine with my mum who I'm sure would happily babysit again. But it would be a lie so I am torn.

WWYD? On the one hand I would really like to meet my old.friend. I know and trust this man, haven't had sex in a year and know it would be fun and safe. On the other hand I would be lying to my mum and missing out on time with her.

Tell her. Probably not about the shag bit though.
Edit - I have an adult daughter. I would not expect us to spend all our time together on a visit.

Meet him and lie to your Mum about working. Have a great time. Your Mum will be pleased to help out if it’s work related but may be a bit miffed if you’re meeting up for a shag. You’re a grown woman, your Mum doesn’t need to know about your FWB. You have had a shit time and now it’s time to have some fun.

Fuck off! She’s intilted to shag who she likes as long as the children are being taken care of and they are not affected by it.

Six months ago. It’s one night with their grandmother ffs

They used to be fwb so she already knows if he's rubbish or not (assuming not since she wants to again)

You don't need to be honest with your mum about who you're meeting. Tell her you're working, or tell her your friends have asked you out. Tell her whatever you want! But definitely go, you deserve some fun too.

If it was my mum she'd be telling me to go out and she'd watch the kids. She knows you've had a rough year, I'd ask if she'd mind, what's the harm in asking?

Why lie? Say you’s like to go on a date. You’re not supposed to stay home forever and I’m sure your mum won’t mind.

You deserve to have a bit of fun. Either say you have to work or ask if it’s ok if you meet a friend. My mum would jump at the chance of having my kids all to herself!

only you know if your mum would be annoyed or not. If she would then say it’s a work thing. But please go!

Having one night out while their grandmother is there to look after them isn't gonna traumatise her kids for goodness sake! Especially considering this is 8 months down the line

Just tell her you’d like to catch up with an old friend you’ve not seen in years. You don’t have to tell her you’re going to have sex!

Are you often hesitant to give information that you think might upset people? I feel like you're either a people pleaser who wants everyone to be happy, or you know your mum will indeed react badly to this.

If it's the first, go for it. If the second - well probably still go for it, but I wouldn't lie to your mum, and I'd give her the chance to say either way "mum this is annoying timing but a friend is in town during your visit, would you mind if I went out to catch up one evening"

Hi mum,
old friend rang and said they’re in town on X date, it clashes with your visit. Do you want to reschedule or are your happy to hang out with the kids for a few hours (while I have a shag).

This!

I bet you wouldn’t say that to a man.

OP is seeing a guy for one night, not moving him in ffs

I had one of those op, a great enough friendship we could fluidity move from benefits to just friends however I do not keep contact now that I'm engaged. It's one of the healthiest distractions and dips into the water again in my opinion. I'd maybe say it was work again if I'm honest, otherwise u risk her being upset ur socializing on her short break. Unless u can explain to her understanding side of the clash in visits

What effect does leaving them with their grandmother have on the kids? We are more than just parents, the woman has had a shit time, why shouldn't she do something that would make her feel good? I'm making a wild presumption that she won't be bringing them into it...?

I'd say an old friend is in London for a few days tvecweekend she is here, howcwoukd she feel having the kdis for a few hours so you could catch up for a coffee. Sex doesn't have to be done at night. That way she could do something fun with the kids instead of sitting in your house alone overnight

Thank you for all the replies. Last night I texted mum to ask if she'd mind if I went out one evening to meet a friend for some much needed sex and she said she'd be happy to. She and I have lots of fun things planned for the rest of the weekend so she may value a quiet night in! So it seems to be sorted. Hooray!
I just hope he doesn't now cancel!

Brilliant to see your update - I was all set to tell you to contact your Mum. Mine would have been annoyed with me if id turned down an invite just because she was visiting (not quite as far apart as you too, but equally a trek to get to each other).

Enjoy your evening out.

agree! I wonder if the same would apply if the OP said "my female friend who lives abroad is coming to town and I want to meet for drinks"

or "I want to take a bath"

or "I'd like to join in this hen weekend/birthday weekend/whatever"

or "I'd like to do this one-day pottery class"

or anything else for herself really.

or if the PP only has that view when it comes to women having sex....

If my adult daughter had been left literally holding all the babies and I could do very little to help practically cos of distance, and she had the chance to let her hair down ONE night I was there, I'd be glad to babysit. And if she got good, safe sex thrown in, all the better.

To be clear, my mum has no idea about the man part of the evening. I'm absolutely a sex-positive person but would very much like her to assume that I don't even know about such things let alone partake in them. My two children were born due to double immaculate conception.

Really @Ellaitchar

my mum comes to visit and insists I go out while I have her there as I don’t get to go out much with little kids. She visits from Ireland and as soon as she arrives she says which night do you want to go out!

same if I visit her - - she’s like please enjoy yourself meet some friends / do something fun you deserve it !