Found out my childhood friend / First crush is doing life for attempted robbery and it's messed me up.

[Flynn99]

Met him when I was 11 and he was 15. He was the "tough kid" at school but always nice to me and stood up for younger kids. This experience was so formative that I based a lot of my personality around him. My dad was abusive so he was the first masculine figure my brain tagged as being safe. I'd been bullied most of my life, and he was my first protector.

Tried contacting him again in December but he deleted his FB account before reading it. Later found out he got arrested for trying to rob his neighbour’s house and people were calling him a “smackhead” / heroin addict. That was 5 months ago, so it adds up.

I always knew he was kind of a rebel but I never thought he’d end up like that and it's made me feel shocked, sad and a bit empty.

I literally found out about this earlier today.

almost???

I’ve also been disillusioned. An older cousin, who I looked up to, was convicted of possessing indecent images of children. Then an old university friend, who I also thought was a good man, was arrested for grooming an underage girl online.

So many terrible people kicking about op. All you can do is be grateful he wasn't anyone in your life so it doesn't affect you.
He is clearly a repeat violent offender to allegedly get life for attempting something.

My cousin was convicted of arson (with depraved indifference to life) and went to prison for some years.

NO-ONE gets life for attempted robbery only. He must have been an all-round rotten egg who had multiple crimes under his belt. You're seeing him through rose tinted glasses @Flynn99 Not being funny but I can 100% guarantee that he is not giving you one single thought.

He is also not an ANGEL who has lost his wings!

He must've done a lot of really bad things as life for attempted anything wouldn't happen if he'd never done much previously.

He probably terrorised and traumatised multiple innocent people.

But if you've had no contact since primary school or even just sporadic contact since I think you shouldn't really be dwelling on him. You're not going to save him or change him or make him better.

Hopefully in jail he'll learn some skills and do counselling and get clean from drugs and he might have a chance of a decent future.

But he's bad news and did bad things so you don't need to be getting embroiled in his life.

Even if he was your boyfriend I'd be telling you to chuck him. And he's merely a school crush from decades ago.

@Flynn99 ater found out he got arrested for trying to rob his neighbour’s house and people were calling him a “smackhead” / heroin addict. That was 5 months ago, so it adds up.

Evidently, he wasn't the nice caring "protector" that you thought he was.

It's most likely that he was always a bully to those around him and you just didn't ackowledge it.

Trying to rob a neighbour's house is disgusting beyond belief.

Yeah OP, there is a LOT more to this crime than the soft nostalgic lens you are choosing to see him through. Have a read here about the factors which would have applied to push sentencing towards the 13 year starting point. This is not a fallen angel. Look at what he must have done.

https://sentencingcouncil.org.uk/guidelines/robbery-dwelling/

His victim/s were once decent nice children too. They chose differently to him.

My own family experienced a (murder) manslaughter as the result of a robbery, they didnt even get life, so I doubt he got life for an attempt at robbing someones house...

I can get being a bit sad, but its all a bit much 'rough around the edged angel'

This is what I thought! People get less for murder.

Sorry but he sounds like a loser. No idea why women romanticise these so called ‘bad boys’.

Lay off the Channel 5 afternoon movies and face reality. This man has been sentenced to life imprisonment, and that's not for something a little bit naughty. If this has really affected you badly, then maybe use it to do good, instead of romanticising the actions of a nasty criminal.

I don't know why people are being so horrible, OP - of course you are going to be sad that someone you once liked and cared about has ended up in this position. Obviously, he made appalling choices, but it's often the case that these aren't made in isolation but influenced by a lot of negative events in that person's life. And addiction is cruel and those who deal in heroin have a lot to answer for in my opinion.

It doesn't make it ok that he did this, but it's ok to be sad that he came to this.

It depends how well you know him and how strongly you feel, but in my opinion it wouldn't be wrong to write to him if you are allowed to, and offer friendship - that doesn't in any sense means condoning what he has done. I believe it's capable for people to be redeemed, and I am sure supportive friendships with good people can help that process.

I don’t think anyone is being ‘horrible’, I’m sure nobody would disagree that it’s sad to see an old friend has turned out to be such a bad person. I think it’s more the ‘messed up’ thing which is making people eye roll. It’s a bit dramatic.

Exactly @Chocaholick Absolutely farcical to say posters are being 'horrible!'

Honest, and realistic? Yes, HORRIBLE? NO!

I can’t understand why this has ‘messed you up’. People go in different directions when they leave school, some go in the wrong direction. I know several people I went to school with who ended up in prison, one that was murdered and a few that have died in accidents.

I know one person who went away for a long time for robbery. The only reason someone would get life is if they were armed, so it’s likely he was, or he had past history. You won’t ever know the details as it’s not something that’s shared.

My first love killed himself on his motorbike…..it hasn’t messed me up, though he messed me up before he took his life.

My close friend was a victim of a home invasion by a neighbour. She was completely innocent, just spending a weekend evening at home with her family when they were targeted. She was beaten and dragged out of her house by the hair. She thought she was going to die.
Her children witnessed it. She was off work for 6 months. Had to move because she didn't feel safe in her home any more. Her kids have nightmares about it. She still suffers panic attacks. The entire family have needed counselling.
The animal who did it didn't even get a custodial sentence because he pled guilty.

This is the reality of the victims of people like your 'rough around the edges angel'.
They are the people who are really messed up by the criminals actions.

Get a grip.

You were a child when you met him, he was a much older boy who you fancied and he was nice to you, its highly likely even your view of the boy you knew is through very rosy specs. "Tough boy at school" is usually total twat/bully.

You don't get life imprisonment for one episode of robbing your neighbours house. If he actually has got life imprisonment it's likely he has a very decorated violent criminal past. Likely multiple victims who have been harmed significantly by this man. He's not a rough around the edeges fallen angel, he's a criminal

He is still the older boy who took you under his wing. That didn't change. You can, and probably should, take a moment to mourn his life. It's okay to miss and be sad about the boy who was kind to you when he was 15. It's fair and it's normal. You have a right to grieve that loss.