Found out my childhood friend / First crush is doing life for attempted robbery and it's messed me up.

[Flynn99]

Met him when I was 11 and he was 15. He was the "tough kid" at school but always nice to me and stood up for younger kids. This experience was so formative that I based a lot of my personality around him. My dad was abusive so he was the first masculine figure my brain tagged as being safe. I'd been bullied most of my life, and he was my first protector.

Tried contacting him again in December but he deleted his FB account before reading it. Later found out he got arrested for trying to rob his neighbour’s house and people were calling him a “smackhead” / heroin addict. That was 5 months ago, so it adds up.

I always knew he was kind of a rebel but I never thought he’d end up like that and it's made me feel shocked, sad and a bit empty.

I literally found out about this earlier today.

There there is a lot more to this as life for attempted robbery is not a normal sentence.
Was he carrying a gun? Has he had previous convictions? Was he violent?

You're not serious? If you are, you need a grip and some therapy.

It isn’t ‘robbery’ if you break into a house (or try to), it’s burglary. Robbery is stealing from somebody in person and using violence to do it. So he’s a burglar, or attempted burglar.

To be guilty of burglary you have to be breaking in with intent to either commit GBH or theft. It would have to be very aggravated for such a sentence.

It must have been a jolt, OP, to find that the person you looked up to as a bit of a rock is anything but.

Yes - it's a tragedy how people's lives are ruined by their own descent into crime and a tragedy for their victims. Unfortunately as others have said, he must have had a very violent and dangerous record to receive a sentence like that. Very violent and dangerous.

Which makes the shock and sense of precariousness for you even greater because you set such store by him when you were young.

The only think you can do now is reflect and learn from this - look to yourself for keeping your values strong, look to keeping your self esteem strong and your self respect healthy on your own merits.

People prove themselves as strong and trustworthy on your behalf by being those things consistently - but that doesn't replace having your own strength to rely on.

In fact as you have found, it isn't safe to relay on anyone else unless you know you can rely on yourself first.

Imagine how terrified his victims must have felt. Being messed up about someone you knew as a child being banged up is a bit extreme. An angel that lost his wings he certainly is not

He sounds like a scumbag.

Yeah its sad that someone you cared about has gone off the rails.

Fucking life for attempted robbery though is bonkers. Blokes get a slap on the wrist for rape.

This. No one gets a life sentence for attempted robbery, jeez some people don't even get life for murder. You are bring very naive OP

Sounds like you haven’t had contact with him for a number of years so you no longer knew him sorry I know that sounds harsh but it seems he got in to a bad place especially if what people are calling him is true then he definitely wasn’t the person you once knew hold on to the memories of who he was but be realistic he’s not that person anymore and you have no idea if he’s got other criminal convictions.
An old school friend of mine and we stayed in touch after school ended up getting involved in gambling and would often end up in debt we all tried to help him but he would do it time and time again he is in prison now after beating his girlfriend up because she wouldn’t give him any money for gambling. In school he was the most laid back and genuinely nice person and we had a good laugh but that’s not who he is anymore.

I think the best solution to your upset OP is to think “There but for chance”.

You have moved on from your childhood, you have taken opportunities to build an honest life, not relied on supporting drug dealers, not deliberately set out to terrify people in their own homes to steal their possessions and their peace of mind. So you are still walking free and are not facing a life in prison.

Your ex friend has made many wrong choices at different times in his life and they have caught up with him. Feel sorry for him, because life is harder for some people then for others, but also feel sorry for the people whose lives he has chosen to damage and destroy by his actions. Romanticising his actions and seeing him as a fallen angel means you are ignoring and devaluing the impact he has had on the real victims of his criminal life.

YABU because the whole situation has literally nothing to do with you.

Being a bit shocked, sure, but 'messed up'?!

One of my childhood good mates got life for stabbing and killing his GF's Dad when he was 17. Shocking, sure but NONE of the empathy or general emotion around the situation was about me.

I would suggest changing your emotions into empathy and putting them where they belong - with his family and the victim(s) of his crimes.

IANAL but you don’t get a life sentence for attempted robbery.

Finding out someone who was important to you in part of your life has come to such an end is a shock, I am not surprised to read of the OPs feelings. Even if your childhood had been idyllic and fondly remembered.

How long did you know him for, from 11 til when? And how long ago?

What do you mean about building personality round him - like he was a role model and made you want to stand up for the more vulnerable? If so that's unchanged surely, that's still a good way to want to be regardless of what happenedto him. Very few people are whole "good" or "bad".

But that's the maximum not the standard sentence.

People don't even get a life sentence for crimes of violence

If he got a "life" sentence for burglary he must be a really bad boy.

The fact you liked him when he was 15 is neither here nor there.

Op it’s ok to feel this way you obviously seen his good side unfortunately people change especially as adults it could be worse you could be in a relationship with him or married just be grateful he’s not a big part of your life now nice kids change.

I don’t understand why people are focusing on it not being a first offence- OP never said it was? And whether there is “more to it”- what difference does it make?

OP has read the reports and is shocked- fair enough. A school friend was jailed for drug dealing about a decade ago and it is quite shocking.

@Flynn99

no…no, it really doesn’t

"Angel losing his wings"? Give your head a wobble. He's a low life creep and criminal.

My childhood friend was convicted of the exact same thing recently. We didn't keep in touch but I saw it on the news. I was shocked but immediately felt nothing else but repulse. It's disgusting.

"Angel", indeed.

Still unusual he’d get the max sentence if he didn’t have multiple previous

Angel? Lost wings? He sounds a complete waste of space and oxygen.
No sympathy for the bloke on any level.

To be honest he sounds more like those ‘mischievous, cheeky chappies’ who are actually just awful people.

Someone from my primary school also ended up in prison for life but I wasn’t surprised, he had it written all over him.

One of my childhood friends took up drugs in a big way in his 20’s. Hes from a wealthy family so didnt end up robbing houses or anything but it still ruined his life. He was so clever and sharp as a kid/teen - he was like a zombie most of his 20’s. Then late 30’s he took to booze to kick the drugs. After 10 years of that, which i think came closer to killing him than the drugs did he got sober because he wanted to be able to see his child.
We’re 50 now and he’s doing well, but I never assume that he’s going to be okay this time next month. I expect him to relapse at some point to be honest…he put his family through hell one way and another and i find it hard to forgive him for buggering up his own life as well as those around him.

Has he actually been sentenced or have you surmised that he’ll get life because that’s the maximum possible sentence? Because he simply isn’t going to get life for attempted robbery. He’ll get a few months if he’s unlucky, maybe a non-custodial with community service if his brief can come up with a decent sob story.

You have to do far, far, far more than a simple once in a life time robbery to get life.

Your winged friend is no more, whatever the reasons and circumstances, this guy is a dangerous criminal that might have traumatised a lot of people or a few to a high degree, that’s why he got life.