DH Girls night joke

[vespersjack]

I need to know if I’m overreacting here please.

i went out with the girls for the first time since pregnancy and having my 7 month old. Was really nervous about it but had a fun time and didn’t come back too disorderly. The plan was for DH to have baby through the night as I would have had a few drinks. I’ve been doing the nights exclusively for months.

i had the baby like normal today, and then DH wanted to take baby out around 4pm as he hadn’t seen him much this week. I took the opportunity to have a nap which ended up being an hour and half.

when I woke up DH made a ‘joke’ along the lines of ‘can you imagine if I went on a night out and had a nap the next day’

its really bothered me as it’s the first time I’ve asked for a chance to let loose and have a bit of extra support as I inevitably was going to have a bit of a hangover. I’ve said it’s upset me and I’ve taken myself off to have a bath, and now he’s getting shirty with me, saying I’m being over the top and it was a joke. To me it feels like a dig. He’s stormed off.

He hasn’t done one night feed !! ?

He’s maybe done 5 individual feeds in 7 months (breastfeeding but now baby does take bottle)

last night baby was screaming for the boob which I didn’t feel safe giving cause of having a drink but I had to step in to comfort him whilst DH made up a bottle downstairs

Sorry I meant my ‘girlfriends’ - adult women

I am sure that the OP means her friends.

Her seven month old baby is her only child.

Side note: it's safe to drink and breastfeed your baby, the alcohol levels would be so low as to be negligible. The danger really is if you might be too drunk to handle your baby safely.

However, main point: yanbu that was a nasty snide comment from him

Do have a night off.

OP I think your husband was joking and you both need to apologise now.
Don't let this drag on and on.

Storm in a teacup, you’re both snapping at each other. Sure he’s found it hard to do more than usual and things like this are rarely “joked “ about, he’s bitten at you because he’s mildly irritated you’ve had a nap. You’ve got annoyed at him for such a remark and gone and had a bath to simmer in there. He feels the tension, said it was a joke to try and alleviate it.
Id get over out pretty quickly if it were me. In my mind I would have had my night out, enjoyed it, had a nap. But I don’t hold onto much, I don’t see the point.

i guess we’re all different, I guess if you plan to go out regularly and the lack of help bothers you then you need to address it before you’re next one. We’re all different aren’t we…if he had said that to me I just would have laughed and said “yeah can’t handle the hangover today, I needed that 🤣🤣🤣!!”

What?

I think only you can really know whether it was a serious dig or just a light hearted comment.

here he'd have got a reply along the lines of 'if you did any night wakings you might deserve a nap' & a tongue poked out.

if I thought he was serious he'd get a tongue lashing, I'm not one to hold back 😂

but just get it sorted now & don't let it spoil the weekend!!

I think maybe your hangover has got to you. It’s clearly a joke and really not worth a stomp off snd thread on mumsnet.

Anything is worth a thread on Mumsnet.

Apparently we have reached this level now yes. Where normal interactions require a thread to seek advice on how to respond to your own husband.

It was a joke .. unclench

I hate when mother does all the feeds leading to broken sleep and fatigue dad's can't comprehend and such comments are said as 'a joke'. They are often thinly veiled digs dressed up as a joke. At 7 months pp hormones are everywhere making it much harder in my opinion to just let things go. A joke is only really a joke if it's funny and that comment wasn't 🤷‍♀️ I think a bath and leave him to stew is the right call!

I would feel the same as you and I don’t do all of the night feeds alone. I don’t like it went jokes are used to mask annoyance rather than actually having a conversation, he either should have discussed it with you or not said anything. Has he had nights out since the baby? Do you get equal free time generally? It’s up to you how you use time away from the baby.

It was a misunderstanding FFS. I am AUDHD and sometimes read things out of context.

Wow. That's uncalled for.

My husband never once got up in the night because I was breastfeeding and he didn’t need to. He did however, always insist I got to have ‘me time’ which was weekend lie-ins, long evening baths, and nights out with the ‘girls’ without retribution.

Not stupid, no. Neurodivergent. But apparently more polite that some people on here .

Alcohol levels in breast milk are the same as mother's blood alcohol level. As it takes 2-3 hours for a unit to clear, it is advised to wait that long before breast feeding. Increasing the time according to units drank.

Well, would you care if he had a night out and napped?

I think you're being slightly sensitive and it probably wasn't meant badly unless there is a back story of him not being able to do the same, so to speak.

You know after 7 months you more than deserved a night out, and a nap.