DH Girls night joke

[vespersjack]

I need to know if I’m overreacting here please.

i went out with the girls for the first time since pregnancy and having my 7 month old. Was really nervous about it but had a fun time and didn’t come back too disorderly. The plan was for DH to have baby through the night as I would have had a few drinks. I’ve been doing the nights exclusively for months.

i had the baby like normal today, and then DH wanted to take baby out around 4pm as he hadn’t seen him much this week. I took the opportunity to have a nap which ended up being an hour and half.

when I woke up DH made a ‘joke’ along the lines of ‘can you imagine if I went on a night out and had a nap the next day’

its really bothered me as it’s the first time I’ve asked for a chance to let loose and have a bit of extra support as I inevitably was going to have a bit of a hangover. I’ve said it’s upset me and I’ve taken myself off to have a bath, and now he’s getting shirty with me, saying I’m being over the top and it was a joke. To me it feels like a dig. He’s stormed off.

I'd have told him he wasn't funny. Then I'd move on without huffing off.

Most people seem keen to have a deep
dive into your relationship for evidence your DH is a shit. Maybe he is, who knows, but it sounds like a lighthearted quip that isn’t worth a second thought.

To clarify, did he apologise or get shirty that you were annoyed with him over his “joke”?

Imo, if it was really meant to be a joke, surely he should have just apologised then. Not hard to say “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

How many times has he gone out since baby was born?

I want to be wrong but I’m guessing he has been out plenty and made a joke about you because he found it overwhelming having baby but doesn’t want to say so.

What would you say/do if he went out and then had a nap the next day?

Interested to see the answer to this

Why?

Op is demeaning herself and her friends by reducing them to the status of " girls".

If that's how she refers to women normally she is giving her DH even more ammunition to treat her contemptuously .

When did you move to bottle feeding and how often does he make the first move?

Do you get invited to many fun girls nights out? Your light-hearted approach must make for easy company

From the words alone who can say if the husband was being snide or making a joke that didntt land, most times there is previous context

How would you react if he had a nap after a night out? Tbh I wouldn’t have been able to not have any time to myself for 7 months……

Demeaning herself are you for real?? I would imagine most women refer to their girl friends as “the girls” get over yourself! OP it was just a joke I would have just said that’s not funny and it was about time you actually did a night feed after 7 months.

Don’t be a dick.

I'm an adult woman so why would I be invited to nights out with girls?

What her H said to her was uncalled for, unpleasant ,and pretty contemptous. And possibly a sign of his attitude to OP.

But why play into a lot of men's narrative that THEY are the adults who know what they are doing whilst women are only girls and so have the status of children and are lesser than them?

She's indefatigable and always on duty!

Of course it's demeaning to reduce yourself to the status of a child.
Why do men like OP's H feel comfortable making snide comments to their partner's if it isn't because they see women as their inferior in status?

If he upset you with a joke, he would have reassured you it was just a joke and apologised for upsetting you. If he’s getting stroppy and feeling called out, it suggests he was making a dig, albeit a gentle one.

And if he had a nap the next day, after his first night out in months having done all the broken nights, I wouldn’t have complained. If it was just another night out and just another night he didn’t deal with his baby then I would have complained.

No i'm not a troll and I'm not on the wind up.
Women playing into the narrative they are only children is a really important issue. And is just so relevant to what OP's H said to her.

Gawd! I'm a professional woman with professional colleagues, referring to girls nights out has zero effect on how anyone views or treats me. Maybe you need some new men in your life

The OPs husband may just be a bit of a knob head, we don't you and you certainly can't validity ascribe your views to his actions, that's nonsense

It’s hard in the moment but I’d have said “I got to have a nap because you went out with dc as you haven’t seen much of him. If you had a couple hours to yourself after months of night feeds no I wouldn’t begrudge you a nap as I’m sure you don’t begrudge me “
or a simple-
”that’s because our past 7 months aren’t comparable are they?”
it’s hard but I’d try to move on now it’s done and make sure it doesn’t stop you from getting a break now and then, you deserve it

”that’s because our past 7 months aren’t comparable are they?”

Spot on, only I'd add the previous 9 months on to that too!

Who were the girls? Your daughters? How old were they?
Come on!! you know she is out with her friends and used a very common every day expression to describe that.
Why not help her with her issue instead of being arsey?

Blokes refer to themselves as 'going out with the boys' These males include my 30 year old son, mt 64 year old dh and my 85 year old dad.

Depending where you live and how far up your own arse you are, it is a common expression to describe a group of same sex friends hanging out together.

Omg girl.

Everyone says this and it holds theoretically, but no one points to clinical studies where this has been proven beyond all doubt.

Yes op

tbh if you’d posted he went out then had a nap the next day there would a fair few posters saying he was out of order.

i think it was a lighthearted comment, maybe with a grain of truth that he feels you wouldn’t be happy had he done the same

Come off it. Women use it in a light hearted way. I'm pretty old now and in a group of friends who have talked about our 'girls nights' (now more often lunch) for 40 years. We are all strong assertive career women. All have respectful husbands who pulled their weight with parenting. You don't need to chide anyone.