DH Girls night joke

[vespersjack]

I need to know if I’m overreacting here please.

i went out with the girls for the first time since pregnancy and having my 7 month old. Was really nervous about it but had a fun time and didn’t come back too disorderly. The plan was for DH to have baby through the night as I would have had a few drinks. I’ve been doing the nights exclusively for months.

i had the baby like normal today, and then DH wanted to take baby out around 4pm as he hadn’t seen him much this week. I took the opportunity to have a nap which ended up being an hour and half.

when I woke up DH made a ‘joke’ along the lines of ‘can you imagine if I went on a night out and had a nap the next day’

its really bothered me as it’s the first time I’ve asked for a chance to let loose and have a bit of extra support as I inevitably was going to have a bit of a hangover. I’ve said it’s upset me and I’ve taken myself off to have a bath, and now he’s getting shirty with me, saying I’m being over the top and it was a joke. To me it feels like a dig. He’s stormed off.

Whilst I tripped mentally at your post, i think you’ve explained quite clearly why responded this way and shouldn’t be getting constant push back (if people RTFT they can see you’ve explained multiple times). Perhaps report your post to MNHQ and ask them to remove it so that people stop having a go? I know that’s not ideal and you shouldn’t have to but I am AuDHD too and would find the continual [unnecessary] prodding and poking distressing.

Thank you. I will. I can’t be arsed with everyone piling in!

A professional woman? As opposed to what?
Amateur women with amateur colleagues?
fake women?
just playing at it women?

honestly, the mumsnet women once again beggar belief.
@vespersjack ignore the snidey comments on here, we don’t know the context of your partners comments, but everyone who has ever had a baby, especially the first baby, knows how tense and fraught it can be between the new parents, lack of sleep, fear, potential hormones still settling, both completely discombobulated by the appearance of this tiny little sometimes tyrant.
it is completely normal to make jokes that don’t land, be a bit resentful, take things to heart, get upset an go off in a huff.
talk about it with him when you’re feeling more relaxed, or don’t talk about it but just remember, that we mostly all act out of character when we have a new baby.

apart from most of the adult women responding here tripping over themselves to minimise your feelings.
inside them, they’re like angry automatons,
Mumsnet Talk isn’t a true representation of humanity and it’s users seriously lack compassion.

It’s not just about the alcohol levels, if someone has had a drink they may fall asleep on baby, drop baby, etc

Ah but isn’t an angry automaton a contradiction in terms? 😬

If he had a night out whilst you watched the baby then had a nap the next day would you say anything? Maybe he feels you would that’s why he made a joke. You say he made a joke so you know he didn’t mean anything by it, you just didn’t find it funny. I wouldn’t waste any energy over it.

I can see why you’re annoyed, but it depends on how you react when he has a nap

It’s absolutely not the case that alcohol filters through breast milk in the same way it does in the blood, please don’t spread misinformation.

No, automaton doesn't imply anything in terms of feelings. It would be impossible certainly as a mechanical device can have no feelings but not contradictory.

Feel better for that? Good.

You and @Alwaysthesameoldstory should arrange a night out, seems like you'd hit it off immediately.

No. This is not the case

I apologise if my neurodivergence has offended you.,
Why on earth would I be offended?

No she isn't 'demeaning herself'

FFS

you can feel demeaned if you like, plenty of us don't & it's not up to others to police our language around this.

I'm not getting into my comment, plenty of people agree with me.

A lot more fun than I’d have with you I’m sure.

No.
The world of automata has progressed hugely. It’s a fascinating subject and well worth exploring.

when I woke up DH made a ‘joke’ along the lines of ‘can you imagine if I went on a night out and had a nap the next day’

Your ‘right’ to feel upset depends on how you would react if DH took a nap the day after.

If you would have been absolutely fine with it then I understand why you might feel a bit miffed.

But if you would not have been fine with it, then that is not fair and you don’t get to feel upset that he pointed it out.

However, your reaction was over the top because you were tired and hungover and we always get a bit sensitive when we’re like this.
I would just draw a line in in and move on.

If I hadn’t been out with my friends in 7 months, been doing the night feeds for most of that and my DH said something like that, I wouldn’t find it funny whether I’ve consumed alcohol or not.

I highly doubt her DH hasn’t gone out with friends in seven months.

Think it brings up if they have had equal breaks/rest and if they have, this ‘joke’ highly likely wouldn’t have landed like it did.

You’ve overreacted. You have no reason to feel guilty, so don’t project by
taking it out on him.

It was a joke ie he didn't mean to start a fight but he was clearly trying to make a point about double standards. It's unacceptable as there's no comparison between your lives over the last 19 months so him trying to draw some, feels like he's negating all you've sacrificed for so long. I think you're right not to let this slide. I wouldn't storm off or ignore him but I would thrash it all out with him. Eaten bread is soon forgotten. You need to make sure he knows this is not an area for 'joking' in the future.

It's totally different when one person has put their life and night's sleep on hold for almost 2 years for the good of their joint child. She deserves to have a night out and a nap. She'll be up in the forthcoming night and he won't!

You didn't do anything wrong having a nap while he took the baby out especially as you have been doing the night feeds. But let's be realistic most women would be spitting feathers if a man had gone out on the piss with his mates the night before and then slept it off the following afternoon. It was a joke let it go

My little boy was 9 months the first time I went out for dinner with friends. My partner first went out when he was a couple of weeks old and kept a regular social life. If he had made that joke I would have known he hadn’t of meant it seriously. I would have commented back that if he wanted to cut back to one night out a year I would be ok with him having a nap. I think it’s a case of only you know his personality enough to know how to take this.

Don’t confuse the percentage of alcohol in a drink with the percentage in your bloodstream. Someone really seriously drunk could have a blood alcohol level around 0.3%. Fresh orange juice that you buy in the shop can legally be sold with an alcohol level higher than that!

It was a dig on you. He’s not comfortable with you taking time for yourself it seems and his issues are coming out as sarcasm and hiding behind “it was a joke”

What exactly did he expect you to do while he was out ? Do you have to clear with him what you do ?

Let him be shirty and generally do less for him and more for you and your baby while he’s acting this way.