To be enraged at my DH’s WFH laziness

[Plydrm]

I work in a very high pressure job and am the breadwinner (£55k) and DH works in a local government job at £36k and is based at home but does do the odd field visit.

I work from the office or ‘out and about’ most days but have the very odd day WFH.

I have compressed my working week and have a Wednesday off with our preschooler. This means the other weekdays I’m working long hours, plus a commute.

For the last 6 months or so I’ve noticed that if I message DH around lunch time I don’t hear from him until at least 3pm. I assumed he was busy dealing with meetings or out seeing clients.

I was WFH yesterday and was absolutely enraged to discover that he actually has a 2 hour nap every day (whilst on the clock).

Im frustrated by this for a number of reasons, including the fact that I don’t stop at work and rarely get a lunch break or any downtime at work. I also need to get dinner ready after work every night after being out the house 6am-5.30pm. He does do the odd laundry and keeps on top of the kitchen but other than this the housework waits until the weekend.

AIBU for being annoyed by this?

Local Government Office. Says it all. He’s not just pissing you off OP, he’s pissing off millions of tax payers.

The shameful state of the UK is not really a surprise.

@Batchcookbabe I'm not in before 7-7.30pm and yes he had made an evening meal and fed the kids by then. The beauty of wfh for my dh at least is that he can start his day at 8am and finish at 5pm. He can take a shorter lunch break if he wishes to as well. I'm not sure why it's so difficult for you to understand that there are people who wfh but don't take the piss and actually mange their time as adults?

The op's husband could have a meal prepped in the slow cooker, bunged in the oven or airfryer before she gets in if he chose to. He could do so in the evenings after she is home instead of leaving her to it.

Civil servant you say?

Given there’s no accountability in the public sector - as is currently being played out in real time by the top echelons - and your husband will never be sanctioned let alone fired. So instead of getting annoyed, try and convince him to do a few chores around the house. Maybe he could take a 3rd hour off?

It is relevant, she does condensed hours, whilst his lazy arse is asleep.

Are you the lazy arsed husband?

No she said he was local government not civil service.

Really not true. People in my family work for Local Government and work darn hard. Many departments are under staffed. People are not being replaced, so those remaining are doing the work of several people.

Of course this is yanbu! A 2 hour nap during work time is ridiculous. Unless he needs to do this because of health issues, then TTP.

Similar situation; I go 'out' to work, barely have time for a break, leave early and come home later. DH wfh, on my day off, which I substitute on a week day to pick up a different job at weekend/night shift, I see his workday...

On laptop, may have a half hour meeting, can nip out to shops, do a session in garage gym, go for a walk, has a million cuppas, cooks lunch, puts a wash on and may remember to hang it out. He does work hard on what he needs to do but has some free time most days. Not the type to nap but this would annoy me if he did for 2 hours as already has a pretty cushy day.

Also, for me, the costs of wfh make bills so much higher. When he also left the house for work they were lower, no heating or electricity used during the day, kids at school. Now the heating alone is a fortune, then the kettle boiling every half hour, new fad of baking bread etc.

Yes, he's not doing a physically demanding job so I would wonder why, as a young adult, he's so tired to need a 2 hour nap just a few hours after getting up to login.

So our taxes are paying for him to sleep an hour of the day? 5 hours per week. I agree, lazy thieving sod.

So you support this employee sleeping on the job? I would have thought you would think he’s a poor representation of public sectors employees!

Nobody told him there was a communication problem.

If you could only see what happens on HS2!

You will need to explain that. Two people doing jobs sounds pretty normal. Or should he be out of tge house 14 hours a day while they try and live on his wage?

Are you for real? The point about wfh is to reduce the wasted time commuting not in taking the piss by not working!

I largely wfh and I wouldn't dream of doing anything unless I'm on a lunchbreakand I often miss those cos I'm too busy.

I loathe laziness it's a pathetic behaviour.

His lazy arse, not doing his fare share of cleaning and her being the higher earner is your idea of feminism is it?

Well I honestly think it’s wrong to dictate or even suggest that no one should be doing chores during the working day when wfh.

If you are disciplined abut it, you can put a load of washing on overnight plus dw for the morning like most people do, and tidy and wipe down kitchen and make beds before work.

But I can also fit in cleaning one element of the bathroom every morning and walking the dog when ordinarily I would be commuting. So by the weekend the bathroom doesn’t need a massive in depth clean and we have more time in evenings.

Then another load of washing on when you start work which you unload four hours later at lunch time and hang out to dry or td.

Also at lunch time, having done a weekly meal plan on a Sunday, I prep dinner eg marinade chicken and peel potatoes or chop up veg for a tray bake or make a sauce for pasta, or put some fish en papillote with veg, so that making dinner is very efficient at 6.30/7 pm. The prep literally takes 30 mins and makes all of the difference. I take the dog out at lunch time again too for another quick short 15 or 20 min walk.

On Tues and Fridays I nip to the supermarket at lunch time instead of the above.

Start work again at 2 pm having put on another load of washing which I dry again four hours later. By then I have done eight hours of focused work for the day and quite a bit of house work and walked the dog twice. Once work is over, I take the dog out for a third last longer walk to unwind and think about the day’s work and priorities for the next day. Then I come home, shove the pre-prepped dinner in the oven while having ten minutes closing down my computer, tidying my desk and making a brief work plan for the next day by which point everyone else is home.

It’s good for you and very efficient to move your body and alternative between two four-hour sets of focused work, interspersed by disciplined focused house work. I also make myself a cup of coffee at 11 am and a cup of tea at 4 pm but don’t dawdle over it. You have to stick to your time blocks though just as you would in the office. It’s also about planning ahead and getting in to an efficient routine that becomes automatic. All I have left to do in the evening is fold that day’s laundry in front of telly and tidy up the kitchen and put another load of washing in to come on very early in the morning when it all starts again.

None of this is particularly difficult or testing in any way. You just need to keep your eye on the clock and be organised,

Sorry but who has time for a two-hour nap during the working day? That’s nuts! What time does your dh go to bed op? He needs to go to bed two hours earlier obviously! His behaviour is really selfish.

Wow. Talking about blaming the op for her dh’s lack of discipline. She wouldn’t have to communicate better if he stepped up in the first place.

Op though, have just read your update about your child who doesn’t sleep well bc of medical issues. And that you are both woken up by them in the night two to three times. And that you cope better with this than your dh.

Sorry but surely this info should have been included in your opening post because this is the central issue, not your dh’s laziness.

You are going to burn out and become unwell if you continue to work and do housework on so little sleep.

Is there any way that you and your dh can alternate nights or catch up with sleep on alternate days at weekends?. Can you both alternate going to bed at 8 pm at night?
Are you entitled to any support in terms of funding or manpower that you aren’t claiming? Will the night wakings improve as your child gets older? If not, you need to put other measures in place if at all possible as it’s not realistic to expect both of you to carry on working and running the house as normal as though this lack of sleep isn’t happening?

You have completely misunderstood what I wrote

This!

Looks like @Plydrm you’ve reached this agreement, or at least dinners, (I think he can also do other bits too), and quite rightly!

(Should really have been arranged this way when you organised your working pattern, but things can easily slip into an unhelpful pattern).

Hope it works better for you now. His cooking may improve with practice!

That was my first thought too. Why does he need a nap? I have chronic pain and I can’t physically sit at my desk for 8 hours a day - I have to lie down occasionally between meetings. My work know and understand - I’m deadline and results focussed so as long as I’m getting done what I need to do, they’re cool with how I get through the working day. But people can be arseholes when they see you lying down. One more point - it took me a long time to notice that I was in pain all the time. When it’s something you deal with constantly, it just makes you tired and a bit irritable and it makes everything harder. Check in with him please and find out why he needs this rest period.

Always one and here you are.

Yes, that’s right. All public sector workers do this. 🙄

AND that we have tooooo… large a Government workforce and HUGE cost savings could be made by sacking many lazy f**kers!

If ot were me and he WFH and it is relaxed enough for him to take a daily 2 hour nap I would make dinner (with DH doing all the veg prep and washing up) and that would be it, all other household chores would be DH's responsibility.