AIBU to worry we were rude meeting up without Mum A?

[Billynomatesonhere]

I’m part of a fairly new circle of mum friends - we met through our children’s hobby.

Mum A has been the organiser of several meet ups and recently put a message in the chat suggesting a playdate at her house on X date. I read the message then it totally slipped my mind and I didn’t reply - neither did any one else on the chat.

The day before the date Mum A suggested, Mum B replied apologising for not replying sooner but asked if the offer still stood as she was free and would love to meet. Mum A messaged back to say she had other plans now.

However the message prompted everyone else to reply & as everyone else was free, we did end up meeting up but without Mum A. I did feel a bit guilty about it at the time tbh and one of the other mums also said she felt the same way .

Anyway that day we all got our diaries out and found a date for the next meet up and messaged Mum A about it but she replied she was busy that day. So now I’m overthinking it a bit and wondering if we have upset her by meeting up on the date she suggested ?

This has got very long winded, but basically I’m asking if we were rude to go ahead without her ?

You were rude to forget to respond to her initial playdate invitation. And yes, given that you then all managed to get your asses in gear and arrange to meet to do something entirely different within 24 hours suggests you didn't particularly want to see her, or that you collectively prefer one another to her.

I mean, I wouldn't lose my mind over it, other than apologising for initially not responding to her message in the first place when you next see her.

It was quite rude of you all not to reply and then for you all to sort something else out. I’d be pissed off if I was Mum A.

Yeah that's a bit crap tbh! I can see why she's upset with you all.

I don't know how the voting works, so voted YANBU to worry that you were rude (from the title).

Mum A has every right to be upset with you all, although when she got no response from anyone I'm surprised she didn't nudge you before making new plans.

I think you all just need to say what needs saying: apologise for being crap at replying and tell her that you don’t want her to think that you all meeting on that day without her was anything other than you finally getting organised when it was unfortunately no longer viable for her. And then ask her to suggest a new date. She probably feels really embarrassed and thinks you could all do that date, you just didn’t want to meet her. Let her know that you can see how it looks.

Mum A could have messaged the group again to chase it up before she made other plans, she can’t then be pissy when you’re all still free! Unless someone found out she was no longer free and restarted messaging knowing she wouldn’t be able to attend? Although to be fair others are perfectly entitled to meet up without her.

The voting isn't clear but I voted YABU as in yes you were rude.

I suspect she thinks you all snubbed her and is keeping clear of you now. Very bad form on all of you for not responding in time to her initial suggestion. Very bad.

From her point of view, you all completely ignored her, then after you knew she wasn't free anymore, you all met up without her. How would you feel?
You need to apologise, all of you.

You do all seem rather thoughtless tbh and possibly is upset.

I'd be sending her a big apology. For none of you to respond was hurtful, then you all met up anyway. I'd think you didn't like me.

I would be really hurt if my friends did that to me. Instead of you all meeting up that day you should have re-arranged to a day when A could join. I can't understand how none of you realised how shitty you were being.

So incredibly unthoughtful! It wasn't acceptable to wait until the day before to confirm. That alone was rude...as for the rest...

She clearly decided she can get better friends. Good for her not to take any shit!

So rude of you all
really surprised that you think you haven’t been

Whether you intended to or not this reads like mean girl behaviour. You all forgot to reply to Mum A bit once Mum B sent a message you were all free to meet up on the day Mum A originally suggested, without any of you giving a thought how it looked /how you would feel if you were her.

She's dodged a bullet with you lot hasn't she?!

Not great. Do better next time, I suppose.

Put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself how you would feel? You all ignored her invitation and then when she'd made other plans you all met up without her? Not nice!

I think as long as the discussion about meeting up continued in the open, it's fine..

If i was mum A i would assume none of you liked me and I wouldn't offer again.

What a nasty bunch! It's possible to make an inadvertent error but to a) manage to completely forget to reply to her first invite then b) one of your group saying the day before, oh I'd like to now then c) you all going ahead anyway and d) rearranging another meet up that you tell her about - after your arranged.

It's rude and mean behaviour.

If you really didn't intend any upset, own it and apologise properly to her.

This. I would absolutely read it as mum A that you only met up when you knew I wasn’t free

Poor Mum A 😢

I’m afraid I would be hurt by this too…

sounds like none of you like her very much so I guess it doesn't matter if you've upset her. I feel bad for her though.