Two Opposing Popular Mumsnet Views

153 replies

UppityUpUpDoon · 16/04/2026 14:16

Two very popular views I see on here often seem to me completely at odds, and I can't work out if the two groups who jump on threads to express these views are two different groups, or if they are the same group and can justify holding both views simultaneously.

Popular Opinion 1:
Men can never become women and vice versa. There are irrefutable and biological differences that no amount of hormones/surgery/etc will negate.

Popular Opinion 2:
It is completely unreasonable for a pregnant woman to express (or indeed privately feel) a preference for one sex over the other. All babies are just babies. Girls can like football, boys ballet, etc. There's no statistical difference.

YABU - Both can be true (please explain your reasoning, and at what age you think the sexes start to diverge). I should say there are a lot of studies on these, but I'm also interested in people's opinions.

YANBU - These are two opposing views.

OP posts:

Original poster

UppityUpUpDoon · 17/04/2026 16:34

Chamomileteainabigmug · 16/04/2026 19:18

OP is trying very hard to defend gender disappointment.

My issue is it’s not really gender disappointment, it’s baby disappointment. You are saying you are disappointed in this baby. This poor little scrap of humanity that needs love and support is a ‘disappointment’ to you for a reason it has no control over. A tiny baby is a disappointment because you want a spa day in 20 years time.

I do a feel a little shame is not a bad thing sometimes - if you are disappointed in your baby because you like pink and shopping then perhaps…

What do you think the way forward is?

If women experiencing this never dare mention it, do you think that will make it go away?
And for women who do dare to broach it, what good does telling them they shouldn't have children do (when they are already pregnant)?

OP posts:

taxi4ballet · 17/04/2026 16:53

murasaki · 16/04/2026 14:53

Gender, performative bollocks, often spread by society as a means to put people in boxes e.g. boys are rough and tumble and like blue and football, girls and kind and dainty and like pink and ballet.

Sex, your biologically dictated ability to produce small or large gametes, I.e. sperms or ova. Unchangeable.

Anyone who thinks ballet is dainty or just a bit of twirling around on tippy-toes dressed in pink should be forced into taking part in an adult intermediate class.😂

Imbrocator · 18/04/2026 09:22

UppityUpUpDoon · 17/04/2026 16:28

Do you think these women are purposefully torturing themselves? If they could snap out of it, why wouldn't they?

My point is it is often completely beyond their control, like morning sickness and PND. But I also think talking about it rationally can help them, but it must be with understanding and sympathy rather than "you have bought into ridiculous gender stereotypes and need to understand not all girls wear pink, blah blah."

Show quote history

You’re being obtuse here. People aren’t telling women who experience gender disappointment to just pull their socks up and stop torturing themselves - of course the origin of the feeling is beyond their control.

What is in their control is to examine the sex stereotypes which are leading to them feeling that way. If you can unpick those negative stereotypes, you can begin to imagine a child in your future who you are excited to meet.

We don’t tell people with depression to just buck up, but we do tell them to seek therapy with will get to the bottom of why they’re feeling that way. If you want gender disappointment to be acknowledged as a condition like any other condition, then part of the treatment will be understanding why it’s happening, not only offering the sufferer platitudes about how it will get better.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread