To think I would rather pay for sex, if I could be assured of the quality

[GrandmaRosiesSecretDrawer]

I’m a really busy woman. I don’t have the time to mess around on apps and the men all seem so desperate and seedy. It’s either ‘I want to meet my perfect match, my soul mate’ or a pic of a headless six pack and the depressingly inaccurate aubergine emojis.
I feel too old to deal with all this. I just want my needs met.
It feels so seedy but I would just rather be fully open about the transactional aspect of it, the fact it’s not going anywhere, the expectation I have, and maybe a small part of me is worried about rejection?
I don’t want a relationship but to get the sort of benefits I dream of appears so complicated.

Is Brian from Hull ill - or has he retired now?!

I’m sure his frequent contact with the yonis of Hull has kept him young…

Aside from all the morally repugnant issues as detailed throughout the thread, I don't see why you would expect to get a better, more select 'class' of man by making it clear that money is also on offer for the chosen candidate.

It's nothing like paying more to buy a much better phone or washing machine, as the money is literally the only interest that the retailer will have in dealing with you. Unlike sex, which untold millions of people worldwide manage to enjoy very much with a mutually-consenting partner, with not a whiff of money ever changing hands in order to turn a human interaction into a business transaction.

Referring back to Fabswingers, it’s not as seedy as it sounds. There are plenty of likeminded women like you who want the same thing, sex and nothing more and on their terms. I was one of those women although it wasn’t just about sex necessarily, the site was also a good way to meet people for socialising. Sex wasn’t always expected by every man, if you met and it progressed then happy days but if it didn’t it was happy days too. People just went about their business and keep looking. There are plenty of professional people on that site so again not just seedy and desperate men who don’t have options.

@AutumnAllTheWayjust because a woman’s sexuality differs to yours, it doesn’t mean I’m a man. Where did I say I didn’t like foreplay? I said I don’t want a relationship. I don’t care what he thinks or feels, or where he see’s himself in ten years tkme.

I've heard that there's a breathtakingly nasty-sounding website where men apparently 'review' female prostitutes in great detail based on their looks, bodies, what they'll let you do to them and other stuff that you would expect to find in a review for a book or a garment, but which most people would find utterly degrading and humiliating to do for a human being.

I've no idea if they host a section for women to 'review' male prostitutes in the same objectifying and dehumanising way, or whether there are maybe other websites that do. Maybe something like that may be of interest?

You do realise OP that it's going to cost between £400 - £500

More than one. In the past there have been times when a thread was started on here about it, and we laughed at them, and then there was an influx of angry MRAs on here about how feminism ruined the world.

But this is all true of a male sex worker too. And so is the “but where do we go” issue.

you want a robot… that’s exactly what vibrators were invented for.

You're being unreasonable. Buying consent is immoral and unethical.

That aside, I don't know how you could enjoy yourself knowing that the man having sex with you thinks you're just another unappealing, desperate client, is just making himself go through the motions, and probably wouldn't go near you if you weren't paying him for it.

Obviously, he's not going to tell you (or anyone!) that or it'd be bad for his business, but the fact is, that's likely the case. And how you could get off knowing the man who's performing oral/penetrative sex on you has just been face/cock deep in another woman, and found it just as distasteful, I don't know. Gross!

Besides pp has said, if you have special sensory needs and peeves, then a prostitute is just as likely to display behaviours that irritate you.

I can understand wanting regular sex without other obligations, and I agree that a vibrator doesn't give you the experience of being with another human body, which is what really good sex involves.

But, I don't see why paying for it will guarantee quality. You will still have to find someone who suits you in terms of looks and so on, and that still doesn't guarantee you want them. I've met guts who totally work on paper, are good-looking, and then in person... just can't imagine shagging them, and I am not hugely fussy. I've slept around a lot and been swinging.

Just get a FWB or fuck buddy - there's an Internet full of men who want sex without all the commitment of a relationship. They're choosing to do it (though quite a few will already be in relationships, a fact they may fail to mention, and will almost definitely have failed to mention to their partner, which is why people are suggesting FabSwingers, though that might still not remove thst entirely, as an ex-swinging partner of mine put me on there without my permission.)

Yes, there's still a risk, but how is that reduced by paying someone? It's meeting a man on your own which is the risk, and if you want sex with a partner (and not in a group), that's always going to be a risk on first meeting. Though if you go to a swingers club, there are usually the options of private rooms, too, and you don't have to have sex at all.

Just be open with what you want - Tuesdays and Thursdays between 7pm and 10pm in Town X, or whatever. Men who actually want relationships can then swipe no. You'll still have loads of offers.

I just don't see how paying for it would guarantee quality or safety any more than getting it for free.

And all of that is regardless of the fact that if you're paying for it, it is not freely given consent and is therefore unethical.

There is also the option of celibacy. Not having sex can be very frustrating and you may be less happier as a result, but it doesn't actually kill you, and it means you're not exploiting anyone else.

Its not a need, its a want.

You're not owed sex from anyone, it's not a human right.

You can't buy consent, if you have to pay for it, then its not true consent. People using prostitutes are disgusting, whether they're male or female.

Op I think you sound depressed. Very curt and closed minded. I’d go to therapy if I were you to talk about my disconnect from my heart and desire to avoid true intimacy.

Go on the pull to a pub or club

Guys are desperate and will prob go for it.

Balance ability with having to pay for it on your mind

The suggestions on here of using a vibrator instead reveals to me that those people don't like sex much. A vibe pales into insignificance when up against another human.

Preferring solo masturbation to the abject objectification and humiliation of paying to use another human (who isn't attracted to you) as a masturbatory aid, doesn't mean one 'doesn't like sex much'.

It is not easy to find a non-seedy male escort (studied it for PHd not actually tried it). You could send a few info requests and try and judge from the tone of responses. Or get a FWB. I am not sure that quality is assured, 'professional' status non-withstanding.

i knew you would get annihilated as soon as you posted about this OP - AIBU is not where you want to post this. I know a male friend who does this, and they make tons of money - and no, they are not forced, they are well educated, have a masters - but they like what they do and who am i to judge. Im not in your position so i cannot tell you what i would do.

I’m one of those people who frequents Fab Swingers! Single, working mother in a high powered-professional, public facing role. Don’t have time for, and don’t want a relationship, too busy with work and DC, and can’t be bothered with men beyond the bedroom!

Ive had a great time over the last 8 or 9 years. I have met some absolutely lovely (and very hot!) people, some I ended up meeting regularly, ended up dating another, and have stayed friendly with others as well.

You can be very specific about what would want, everyone is there for the same thing, discretion is a given, there are reviews on the site from people who have met them previously and I never meet anyone who is not reviewed and verified.

Mostly met with people in hotels, couple of drinks in the bar and if everything is good then we head upstairs. I leave when I’m done obviously and there’s no sleepovers. I share my location with a couple of friends, and agree check in times with them.

I’ve attended parties, met with groups and couples, it’s been a blast!

Im what they refer to as a Unicorn and am always treated amazingly! A Unicorn is a single, relatively good looking woman and up for fun.

You shouldn’t knock it til you try it OP… this could be exactly what you’re looking for, but with fully consenting adults and no moral quandary about paying for sex.

I don't agree with sex work of any type. But you will find what you are looking for - if that's what you want to do.