To think I would rather pay for sex, if I could be assured of the quality

[GrandmaRosiesSecretDrawer]

I’m a really busy woman. I don’t have the time to mess around on apps and the men all seem so desperate and seedy. It’s either ‘I want to meet my perfect match, my soul mate’ or a pic of a headless six pack and the depressingly inaccurate aubergine emojis.
I feel too old to deal with all this. I just want my needs met.
It feels so seedy but I would just rather be fully open about the transactional aspect of it, the fact it’s not going anywhere, the expectation I have, and maybe a small part of me is worried about rejection?
I don’t want a relationship but to get the sort of benefits I dream of appears so complicated.

@ThatFairyi will not have a relationship just to have sex. I don’t want a relationship. I have friends and my children, I don’t need anyone.

Amusing that you’re so scathing of people when you’re a desperate woman looking to buy consent

Not to mention they are considerable safer for women than meeting men in bars or clubs.

Exactly. OP seems dead set on doing it so don't really see the purpose in starting the thread if only to knock every other suggestion in favour of it. Whether it turns out to be the sexually fulfilling, safe event she's looking for remains to be seen. Personally I agree about the lack of consent given and don't think anyone is entitled to sex from another human being.

Spend a bit of time finding the right sexual partner by being clear online what you’re after. Sift through the crap and meet a few in public for a coffee. You’ll need to invest some time and effort into finding someone and assessing how safe they are, reading red flags etc same as anyone using online dating. Then once you’ve identified a man who wants the same as you, attracts you and can give you sex the way you want it when you want it, set it up - there you go.Build up to it if you’re anxious about safety and use a hotel or other neutral place rather than bring him into your home or go to his. Put safety procedures in place, just as you would for any internet dating early stages. Eg phone call to a friend, details with car registration etc.

No less safe than hiring random sex workers.

You have to work to get what you want, especially if you have such exacting requirements. Yes it’ll be hard work but once you’ve set it up and it works, you’re getting what you want and need and hopefully, he is too.

Op how do you feel about men paying for sex ? Genuine question

…don't think anyone is entitled to sex from another human being.

This is what it boils down to really.

OP: AIBU

MUMSNET: YES

OP: But I’m not…. I’m soecial! None of you understand!!!

flounces

Most of them won’t be trafficked and will be doing it because they enjoy sex and are getting paid for it. Lots of professional escort agencies out there. Of course they say no extras will be provided but you can bet they will be. More chance of getting an attractive man who knows what he’s doing, rather than a sweaty seedy swinger 🤢

Op you need a nice reliable FWB, ignore the judgers. I totally get it - you want to be in control of what you get and good for you.

No one cares if the OP has a consenting FWB, but yes, decent people do judge anyone who thinks they should be able to buy sex.

Nobody is judging wanting a nice reliable FWB.

You can’t buy that though, to get that you need to make a bit of effort.

The OP wants to skip the effort and buy consent. That’s what’s being judged - as it should be.

I can't believe it's that difficult to find a friend with benefits or situationship. How old are you? Are you overweight or otherwise unattractive?

You might also consider whether you will feel worse getting a knockback when seeking something casual, or knowing the guy giving you one is only doing it for the cash.

Nobody is objecting to the OP having a nice reliable FWB. Except maybe the OP because she doesn't want to go to the effort to find one.

You'd have got a much more positive, friendly and helpful response posting this on the sex board.

I agree that, removing the ethics of potentially trafficed sex workers, paying for a service twice a month would be a really great option if you don't need to have a connection for sex. The safety aspect, and where, truly needs considering in this situation.

The suggestions on here of using a vibrator instead reveals to me that those people don't like sex much. A vibe pales into insignificance when up against another human.

The only way I scratched this itch was to go in the apps and find FWBs. It was worth the time to wade through the dross. Be clear with what you want from the off. Keep the standards very high. And have fun looking.

I love sex, but I could never enjoy it with someone I bought consent from. A vibrator isn't the same, but I'd still rather use it, than pay for sex.

But that's you.

The OP is not you.

Doesnt change the fact that paying for sex is a morally repugnant thing to do.

So what's the alternative? Pay someone she doesn't know who maybe isn't attracted to her wirh potentially zero sexual chemistry? It's creepy and desperate.

In your head.

In reality.

In YOUR reality.

Please stop thinking you speak for all of society.

In the heads of most people buying consent is repugnant.

Didn't you say that anyone here suggesting a vibrator must not enjoy sex? That's hardly speaking for yourself.

It worked for Emma Thomson in ‘Good luck to you Leo Grande’

I can see the appeal.