To find middle class parents insufferable?

[Gwst]

Sorry rant incoming! I'm so sick of how since becoming a parent half the people I speak to seem to be insufferable snobs about the area we live in (in a big city). Schools are "terrible" despite good ratings, couldn't possibly be good enough for their children, and are upset they don't live in a posher area, too many undesirables round where we live, complaining about drugs etc when this is an issue that 100% doesn't affect their demographic. I've recently had someone say they had to move to the suburbs because at their local school all the parents had "a can of coke in one hand, a fag in the other and 10 kids" and another saying a nursery wasn't good enough as they didn't want their child looked after by someone with a speech impediment. Both of these left me with my jaw on the floor shocked someone would think it's OK to say that but they seem to have no embarrassment about saying it to me, a casual acquaintance. And the area we live in is full of creative types, ostensibly left wing etc but also seem to hold these reactionary views when it comes to their kids.

The thing about schools drives me mad as I guarantee most of these people have zero experience of attending or their kids attending a challenging city comprehensive. It's just this perceived bias that their kids will get bullied or become drug dealers or other crap that they heard from their parents as to why they went to private school and are now parroting but can't afford private school or a posh area themselves. I went to a pretty crap school but I came out with good grades and went to a prestigious uni. It wasn't all great but it was a realistic cross section of society and arguably gives you good expectations of the real world and that fact that not everyone in your community is privileged etc. But no one seems to care about that and just wants to look out for themselves and everyone else be damned.

I am middle class myself lol. And my kid is going to have plenty of (unfair) social advantages anyway without us having to get them into "the best" school or only socialise with other middle class people. I just really don't get it. Am I alone in thinking like this??

Well aAlan Sugar mist definitely is lol

Obviously anyone can catch them but the families who don’t treat them are nearly always with substance abuse issues which obviously makes them more likely to be poor.
Drugs cost money, alcohol costs money.

But thats NOTHING to do with class is it?

Idk feel like you were the first to mention class, when you asked me how lice knew what class anyone is. I took it to mean you meant rich/poor seeing as class means different things to different people

and so I just answered your question

I live in Scotland too! My son teaches in a state school. Some are great. Some are not so great. But the problem is rarely the pupils. It’s the SMT. Weans are weans. They’re the ones that keep him going.

I think we might be agreeing?

Whole thread is about class lol

So although you managed to avoid going to the rough school and presumably were able to go to a ‘posh’ school, they still didn’t teach you about swearing? No need unless you are really angry but in this discussion I have not seen any anger.

On the schools point, whilst I wouldn’t be happy about it for lots of reasons, becoming a drug dealer is a usually very lucrative and people engaged in it tend to get on the property ladder sooner. Lots of transferable skills too: communication, negotiation, dealing with the authorities, import / export, etc.

Yeah about how middle class parents are insufferable for wanting their kids in good schools. Anyway I’m middle class now but there’s been times in my life I’ve been broker than a lot of the people who like talking about how working class they are and hating on middle class insufferability.

Im just saying one of the reasons I didn’t want my child to go to any old school is lice, a lot gets mentioned on threads like this about behaviour, drugs etc all good points but no one mentions lice which can be absolutely infuriating when you spend hours combing just for your kid to get reinfected by the same family with alcoholic/druggie parents who let their kids go to school with visible bugs crawling through their hair every single day.

If wanting to avoid that makes me insufferable so be it

One of the nice things about living in a small town is that it only has one secondary school, so unless parents send their kids to an independent school, they pretty much all go to the same one. The council estate kids mix with the kids from roads where it's hard to find a house under a million.

Consequently, they grow up with a mix of friends from different backgrounds. One young adult I know has one friend whose DF is a professor and another whose dad works in Aldi, and pretty much everything in between.

So true... being middle class sucks 😁

I agree with you. I live in a very mixed area and some parents avoid the school because it's not got the best reputation according to academic rankings. But my child has been happy there, learning and behaviour is dealt with (at least so far). There is a mum who always has a can of something and looks rough but from a brief chat she's a genuinely kind and nice person. I think it's good for children to mix with people from different backgrounds too. It's really a good school in my opinion but I hear people making assumptions without even visiting. Also there are benefits of it like space available in after school club, free breakfast club.

Although I think it being a mixed area is what helps - I would be hesitant to send my child to school in certain areas where nearly everyone is deprived as I think it does help to have some middle class parents...

I know only two former classmates who sent their children to my old school. It went downhill dramatically about five years after my year left.

Not all state schools represent a cross section of society. Some of the London state schools that I have worked in were not at all diverse. Lack of diversity exists in all parts of society. Very few teachers are blasé about which school their children go to and where they work and that is because state schools vary enormously.

I agree that some parents are judgemental but I'm not sure that class is the issue. I'm lower middle class and you've said you are middle class too, so the marker here isn't class but values maybe (or ignorance?). In essence though, I agree, too many parents are too worried about their own children and their potential and make ill-formed judgements about others as a result. I guess it's just age old social climbing but it doesn't sit right with me either.

Not so much yet anyway thankfully I suppose

That's the kind of info. you tend to know about your friends though, if they're good friends.

I mean, a little boy did actually get stabbed to death in the area that I grew up in. I used to walk around there all the time as a teenager and this 12-year-old child walked home from school and was murdered by another teenager.
That’s definitely something to avoid where one can

We live in a remote area, so there was no choice of school for us. Local school or commute 60 miles per day for range of private schools. One thing we did was to have regular "bug busting". School would designate a specific block of 3 days and everyone was supposed to do it. Of course, some parents didn't, but most of us did and because we did, there were no major outbreaks in school. Most parents thought it was a great way to deal with a situation that is very common.

It’s not middle class parents you find insufferable it is judgmental snobs and no you are not unreasonable. The worst is the hypocrisy- like the people who give off about drug addicts in their area etc but pre kids were all about taking coke/e/insert recreational drug name here. There-I added to your rant.

I find a lot of people insufferable, dont matter how rich or poor they are their all the same.

Come to think of it i find myself insufferable at times, i need to have a strong word with me.

I wouldn't list them as something important though 😂
We're not in our 20s for the uni to be that relevant and in fact I can only remember this info in cases of friends who were refugee children for example as it's quite an achievement to go to top-10 unis when you arrive here totally destitute and not speaking English at all. I couldn't care less about their class either and it would've never crossed my mind to "boast" about being friends with someone from one class or another 😂

I don't remember unis where my MC friends went. Some went to unis in the US or Europe, some of those in creative industries never went to uni and it's completely irrelevant.

It's not "snobby" to want your children to attend a decent school in a decent area of where you live. Why wouldn't a parent want to give their child the best education available to them whether state or private. The stark contrast between MC children and children from a different background is very obvious. And will lead to bullying and all sorts of issues. The gap in cultural capital is just the beginning and the children are like chalk and cheese. By all means send your children to a deprived school but be prepared to make extra curricular activities available to them because they wont learn anything but bad behaviour unfortunately and you'll be back here moaning when theyve gone off the rails later in life

I hate , class hate

I am not a snob if i moan about drug dealers in my posh area - i want them to fuck off they are dragging the area down

i like that my kids school is middle class church school, some are very monied and chat about skiing and centre parks at easter like it was an ordinary thing to be doing

( not for me sadly, no money ) but i’d rather that was the chat than whose partner has been arrested again or parents yelling at each other in the playground ( I've worked in schools were this was the norm)

i like being mc in a mc area - its nicer than were i lived before and my kids life is way more privileged and bougee than mine was i had to beg for music lessons whereas I've pressed them on my kids . I like that i have a chioice of brunch places to eat ( i dont love the price)

the thing about being poor in a monied area is to find your tribe and avoid the snobby knob heads

the kids parties make me chuckle with all the fruit and crudités and wholesome party bags