To book a Gp appointment to discuss dd contraception options.

[Thisisntasavedname]

Because I’ve been made to believe I am. I’ve been searching on here for help on this and I’m seeing a lot of posts where people are saying that it is up to dd to book her own Gp appointment.

For background dd is 14. She has had a boyfriend for a few months. Recently, they have been spending more time together and I just have a feeling dd should go on a contraception.
We have discussed things around consent and infections etc. Whenever I ask dd if she needs to talk to me about anything she just says no. I’ve asked if she wants to go to the go to discuss this and she said no. I noticed something of concern ( which I’m not going to discuss here) which makes me think contraception is needed.

So, would I be unreasonable to go ahead and book the appointment? Surely a teenage pregnancy would be worse than a mum taking her daughter to a gp to talk things over.

Absolutely the right thing to do, she can choose whether you attend

Will you be able to get her to this appointment never mind tell the GP that she wants to take contraception? I suspect that the GP would want to talk to her without you in the room so they know that she really wants this and isn’t being forced by you.

You can't make her go, though - you can book an appointment but she can just refuse to go.

Her using contraception is a good idea and a chat with someone is great but are you planning on dragging her there, thinking doctor will chat in front of you? I don't get the impression from your post that your dd wants to attend an appointment.

She's 14 years old. Why are aren't you talking to her about the legal age of consent and the complexity that sex introduces in such a young relationship. Signposting her to all services available by all means and give her a number to call if she'd like to access contraception but do encourage her to pump the breaks. She's so young :(

@Evakawe definitely have discussed this. She’s saying they are not having sex but I recently noticed something concerning ( that I’m not discussing here ). I’m aware she’s still so young and other than refusing her to see boyfriend again I don’t know what else to do.

Assuming you get a GP to prescribe contraception in a situation that would make them open to GMC investigation due to concerns over statutory rape, how do you propose to make a Gillick competent child to take it regularly enough for coverage if it's not their choice? And how will that protect your DD from STD?

She says they are not having sex. You asked her if she wants to go to the gp to discuss contraception and she said no. Then you want to ignore what she said and book an appointment anyway. Not exactly a way to build trust and keep the lines of communication open.

Ffs at 14 she doesn’t need contraception, she needs to be kept away from situations where sexual activity could happen. She’s very underage, you’re her mother, why are you acting like she’s 16 and you have zero control over what she does?

Contraceptives are far less harmless than we’ve been led to believe, we are pumping kids bodies with hormones to enable a sex life they are far too young to have.

Yet everyone on here (rightly) judges puberty blockers! What’s the bloody difference, only this also involves sexual activity they are FAR too young for

I’d be talking to her about the possibility of having sex rather than assuming she’s sexually active. Explaining that a pregnancy as a teenager would be life changing for her and the responsibility to ensure she’s having safe sex regardless of her own contraception choices she should also use a condom. Talk to her about the thing you’ve found that’s concerning you and explain why you’re worried about it. Offer to make a GP appointment to talk through options and see what she says.

I’d also be limiting contact with the boyfriend, she’s 14 so no sleepovers or being home alone with him. You might not be able to stop her having sex if indeed she is, but I’d not be making it easy for her.

The reality is if she doesn’t want contraception she won’t use it anyway, she might also not want to talk to her mum about her sex life. You can’t force her but you can keep lines of communication open, be clear about your wish that if she is having sex that it’s consensual, safe and respectful.

There’s a lot of issues here.

sure, you can book an appointment. But unless you have talked to her in advance there’s a good chance she will refuse to go.

if she goes, no GP will prescribe her contraception just because her mum wants it - you will probably be asked to leave and the gp will try to talk to her.

they also don’t like prescribing hormonal contraception at such a young age so even if your daughter does want it they may not prescribe it. My dd had horrendous periods and we wanted it to stabilise them and she had a hell of a battle.

finally, lots of people really struggle with remembering to take the pill everyday. It’s not reliable if she’s missing it every now and then.

you are probably better off buying her some condoms.

There’s some very naive posters on here. My dtds are 14 (year 10 so many friends are 15 or nearly 15) and an albeit small number of their friends have had sex. I can still name the handful of girls who lost their virginity in year 9/10 when I was at school. It happens and while you’d rather it didn’t, when teens are the same age, it’s not rape.

I think I would let dd know that she’s not ready for sex yet but at the point she is, she’s to come and speak to you, no judgement, so you can support her to do it safely and you’ll book the appointment. I do feel booking the appointment before she’s asked feels like you’re giving permission for something she’s not yet doing… but that depends what the thing is that caused concern.

The whole premise of Fraser competence is that is it not against guidence to perscribe contraception to capacitous consenting 13-16 year olds.
https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/child-protection-system/gillick-competence-fraser-guidelines#:~:text=the%20young%20person%20cannot%20be,3

I agree with you on this. So what can I do? Ban her from seeing boyfriend? Seems cruel but I don’t know what else to do.

She can see him, at your house or somewhere like a cinema where they can’t have sex. Easy. And gently monitor her time outside of school (aka if she says she’s going to a friends, check she’s there)

At 14 none of this is over the top

I suspect if you try and make an appointment they will tell you your DD needs to book and they won’t deal with you. That’s my experience and that was only about vaccinations for my DS!

Frankly I find it ridiculous that Gillick competence is always quoted. Firstly there is no test for ‘competence’ to make these decisions, evidently every child 12/13+ has enough competence to understand all things medical and know the consequences. Secondly if it all goes wrong eg a child gets pregnant it’s the parents left to pick up sll
the pieces. It’s disgraceful. No wonder teenagers think they can do what they like when they like.

Anyway I would suggest going out for a coffee or having a conversation whilst in the car (so she can’t escape!). If she’s already had sex she will almost certainly be scared/embarrased to tell you and you need to reassure her that you won’t be mad and won’t tell her Dad (?). So build the trust and normalise the conversation. Sex at 14 isn’t great but if it’s happened it needs to be managed.

I think the only foolproof way is if they are at our house.

No it wouldn’t ffs. Teens are prescribed contraceptives all the time to help with heavy periods etc. it’s completely normal.

op book her the appointment and say “you have an appointment on X day, I’m happy to take you and wait in the car”

she probably is embarrassed but also trust her judgement if she doesn’t want to go. Let her know your there for her but let her learn to be responsible too.

You can make an appointment and take her if she'll agree to go with you. If she won't, then you can't.

Are you ok??

What's the difference between puberty blockers and hormonal contraception? Are you ok too?

I’d be keeping her very busy outside of school so that opportunities to see this boyfriend were severely limited.

But she doesn’t have heavy periods.

Hormonal contraceptives are terrible for your body. They increase the risk of breast and cervical cancer, strokes, blood clots and heart attacks. They increase inflammation in the body and mess with your blood pressure.

Why would you do this to a 14 year old to enable a sex life they are far too young to have? It’s beyond irresponsible and just a lazy way of discharging parental responsibility.

So would you rather she hide things from you? If she’s going to have sex then she’s going to have sex. It’s better she’s prepared than going behind your back and get herself into trouble. What’s the alternative, lock her in her room with a chastity belt on? You’re obviously concerned because of what you’ve found (not sure why you won’t say it on here).

A sexual health clinic may be another option op. They tend to specialise in young people under 26 I think. Might be possible to give them a ring for a general advice as a start?